Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Reaching Out Was A Mistake

"Evelyn, wake up." someone says, shaking me gently. "Huh?" I ask, forcing my eyes open. "Breakfast in fifteen minutes." they say. My eyes finally adjust. "Lahni, what do you want?" I groan, rolling over to try to go back to sleep. "I want you awake." she says, laughing. I whimper. "Come on, face the day with a bright smile on your face." she laughs. "Go away, you're too perky too early." I say. "Too bad. Get up." she says. I sit up and look at her. "Good girl." she says before leaving. I check the clock. There really is only fifteen minutes until breakfast.

I get out of bed and look in the shatterproof mirror. My hair is a complete mess and my eyes are puffy from crying all the time. I get a comb off the nightstand and run it through my hair. I sigh and check the time. I don't want the day to start. I really don't feel like doing anything. I shake my head and get back into bed. I have no motivation to do anything. I don't even want to move. I start crying, my depression the worst it's ever been.

I don't know how long I cried before Lahni came in my room. "You missed breakf-" she begins before noticing I'm crying. "What's wrong?" she asks, concern in her kind voice. "I d-don't know." I cry, sitting up. "Do you feel depressed? Are you anxious? Irritated? Frustrated? What are you feeling?" she asks, sitting on the bed across from me. "Depressed." I answer, wiping my eyes. "Is there a specific reason or are you just really down today?" she asks. "Both." I say. "What happened?" Lahni asks.

"My boyfriend and I broke up three days ago." I say. "I'm so sorry." Lahni says. I shake my head and say "don't be. He was abusive." "That must have been horrible. I'm glad you got out of that while you could." she says. "I loved him." I whisper. "Abusive relationships aren't love. They are manipulation and control and leading you on only to break you down. You can't keep doing that to yourself." Lahni explains. "You wouldn't understand." I say, looking down at the bed. "Evelyn, I understand. I'm not happy about how I understand or how well I understand, but I do." she says.

"You were in an abusive relationship?" I ask her. "Yeah, my junior and senior year in high school. It was horrible. I'm glad you had the courage to do what I couldn't." she says. "Why do I feel so bad if he was so horrible for me?" I ask Lahni, hoping she'll have some sort of advice to help me feel better. "You loved him. He made it seem like he loved you. It's hard. You'll heal from it in time." she explains. I let myself fall back against the pillow.

"Are you up for working on school work today?" she asks. I shake my head, not feeling much better. "Why not?" she asks, picking at the polish on one of her nails. "I already told you!! I feel too depressed." I snap. "Okay. You didn't have to be harsh with me. What do you think you should do to deal with your depressed mood?" she asks. "I don't know. When I was younger, talking sometimes helped." I say.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Lahni asks. "Anything as long as it's not the bad relationship or my depression." I say, shrugging. "Okay.........like what?" she asks. "Umm......how long have you been working here?" I ask. "About six and a half months." Lahni says. "Oh wow. That's not a long time. Did you just graduate from college?" I ask. "Yep. I wasn't so sure psychiatric nursing was for me, but there isn't any other job I'd rather do." she says with a small smile.

"How old are you?" I ask her, biting my lip. She seems close to my age. "I just turned 22." she says. "Oh. You graduated high school early." I say, doing the math. "Yeah, I was in the accelerated program and graduated a year early." she says. "That's cool." I say. "What do you want to do after high school? Considering you haven't dropped out yet, you must really want a good future." Lahni says. I nod. "I want to be a psychiatrist." I answer.

"That seems like it would fit your personality. How long have you been wanting to do that?" she says. "About five or six years. My foster sister died of anorexia and I decided I wanted to make a difference, so I want to be a psychiatrist." I say, rubbing my tired eyes. "That's awesome. My mother is a psychologist." she says. "Cool." I say. "What have you found most helpful here so far?" she asks. "Probably being able to open up to someone and creative writing." I say, shrugging. "It hasn't helped too much yet, huh?" Lahni asks. I shake my head.