Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Try Two

One week later
I wake up the same way I did last week when I had to go to a new psychologist, except this time I was very sleepy. I had only gotten two hours of sleep. I look at Wanda with the same terrified look I always do, but today the anxiety is a little lower. I've been taking my anxiety medicine regularly now and Harper specifically recommended this psychologist. I trust Harper and know she wouldn't pick someone like Ainsley, so this shouldn't go too horribly wrong.
Wanda tries to encourage me during the ride. "Wanda, I've been through this before. This is the third psychologist I've been to, fourth including the school counselor. I'm anxious, but nothing you say will help." I say, trying to keep her from wasting her breath. She falls silent, at last. My phone rings, disrupting the quiet. I answer it without looking at the number. "Evelyn, this is your aunt Diana. We haven't met, but I'm your mother's sister." Wanda takes in my worried expression, her face set in a frown.
"Wh-what do you want?!" I ask. "I'm going to take you with me and give you what you deserve, like your mom was trying to give you when you got the police called, you filthy maggot. Your stupid therapist can't keep you safe from me now." Diana says coldly. I hang up and start crying. "Who was that?" Wanda asks. "My aunt who is trying to take me, so she can hurt me!!" I cry.
"Oh, Evelyn. That's what Harper was trying to hide from you. Call her now and let her know what happened." she says, squeezing my hand. I wipe my tears and call Harper. Harper answers professionally, as she usually does. "I accidentally answered my aunt's phone call. She wants to take me away from where I'm at and finish what my mom started!! What do I do?!" I say quickly.
"Evelyn, I told you not to answer for anyone except me. Did she say that exactly?" she asks, angry and worry at the same time. "Yes." I say. "Just don't answer her again, I'll tell the police." Harper says before hanging up. I put my phone in my pocket and think. What'a going to happen to me? I sigh, so much could go wrong and there's nothing I can do about it. We pull into our usual parking place and get out. Wanda puts her arm around me and guides me in. The receptionist tells me to go to a different office. I already know this woman's name and she has my paperwork and has talked to Harper, so this will hopefully be easier.
I knock on the door and it's opened a minute later. "Hi, Evelyn. I'm Cecilia, but you already knew that. Umm...come in." a tall, skinny woman says. Her blonde hair falls down her back in loose curls. The colors she's wearing are mostly bright. She has a warm, approachable, open attitude, but that doesn't make anything easier for me.
"I know this is temporary and I've talked to your usual psychologist. I know you had a bad experience with someone in our office, but not everyone is alike. Let's just take things a bit slow, okay?" she says, closing the door behind her. I nod, sitting down on a couch. She sits in an armchair across from me. "I know a lot about what's going on, but I'm not one for making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. So.....umm.....let's start simply....how was your morning?" she asks, crossing her legs. I smile and nod, hoping that's enough communication. "Can you give me a verbal answer, please? I don't like pushing you, but I need you to...speak, so I can help you more." she asks and explains. "Fine." I answer quietly, feeling really uncomfortable. "That's great." Cecilia says, smiling a smile filled with a sort of pride. Is that how things work? I give her a simple one-worded answer and she jumps for joy?
"Okay, how have you been adjusting to your foster family?" she asks. I bite my lip. That's something that would be hard to talk about, even if it were with Harper. "I-I'd rather not talk about it." I mumble. "Hmm?" she asks. I wipe my eyes and dry my clammy palms. "Evelyn, are you okay?" she asks, handing me a tissue. I wipe my tears and take a shaky, weak breath. "I'm fine." I whisper. Cecilia looks at me skeptically, but doesn't otherwise comment on my obvious lie.
"Is this the beginning of a panic or anxiety attack?" she asks. "Maybe....I ho-hope not." I mumble, tears soaking my cheeks. "Well, let's try something to lower your anxiety. Take a slow deep breath with your eyes closed. In, counting to four, hold to the count of two, out, counting down from six, then counting up to two as you hold the breath and restart." she says, trying to get me to control my erratic breathing. I breathe slowly, listening to her counts. "And again." she says. I take another slow deep breath. "Now, imagine yourself in a calm, happy place." she says. I imagine a peaceful meadow. I smile slightly, feeling a lot calmer.
"Better?" she asks. I nod. "Good.....are you ready to talk about how foster care is going?" Cecilia asks, not knowing that will make my anxiety go back up. I shake my head. "Deep breaths." she reminds me. I take a few deep breaths and calm back down. "Good, Evelyn. Do you want to draw or do something artistic?" she offers. I nod. She asks "what would you like to do?" I think for a minute before saying, slightly louder than before, "draw." She gets a few pieces of paper and things to draw with. I look for a pencil. She hands me a charcoal pencil. I smile at her attentiveness before starting to sketch something.
"What are you drawing?" Cecilia asks. I lick my lips slightly before replying "a comparison." "Of?" she asks. "Two lives." I say, feeling like I'm an idiot. "Which two lives?" she asks, drawing something also. "My life at home with my mom and her boyfriend and then my life with Wanda and Francis." I answer. She nods and lets things fall silent so I can finish what I'm trying to draw. I decide to simplify it a little, so it won't take as long to draw.
I finish the drawing about ten minutes later. I add color to the life I'm living now, but only a little because this world is still a bit dark and scary, but not as dark and scary. "Can I see?" Cecilia asks. I hand the paper to her. She looks at it for a minute. "That's a good drawing. I see that the 'life' on the right has a little color, can you explain why?" she asks. I smile slightly and say "when I wasn't in foster care, no one, except Harper, cared about me and my mom was very abusive and her boyfriend hated me. Now, my foster parents care, even when they go about it wrong. The life I'm in now is still scary and stuff, but it has a little more color." She nods, smiling to herself.
"Why is your life now scary?" she asks. I don't want to talk about it! I literally just found out my insane aunt is after me to kill me and I'm being pushed to tell a total stranger about it. I can't, I'm still really stressed and worried and upset about this. "I don't want to talk about it." I mumble, pulling away. Cecilia looks like she's angry with herself. I stare out the window. The sun is shining and it looks warm. "Evelyn?" Cecilia asks. I don't answer, but I look at her.
"What's wrong?" she asks, her voice very light, but concerned. I shake my head and wipe my tears away. "I can't." I whisper. "I understand." she replies, her tone slightly sad. "C-can I go?" I ask. She nods. I stand to leave and as I'm at the door, I say in a soft voice "thanks, Cecilia." "I'm always happy to help." she says, her voice still a little sad. I close the door and quickly go to Wanda. I hug her, feeling emotionally drained.
"Was it okay?" she asks, meaning did I like Cecilia. I nod and say "she's really patient and stuff." We go back to her house, hiding behind locked doors once again.....from my insane family.....no wonder I'm so messed up.....no wonder I'm such a mess up. I lay down in bed and sigh sadly. I'm such a mistake. Why do I even try?