Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

I'll Hear About This Later

I wake up to find Hannah still in my lap. She's snoring quietly. It's seven-thirty. It's seven thirty! I have to get ready; I'm already kind of late! I gently lay Hannah on her pillow and cover her up. I quietly leave her room. I jump, Suzanne standing right in front of me. "I don't know why you're here s early, and, quite frankly, I don't care, but don't you dare get her attached to you only to leave." she snaps, an icy coldness in her voice. She walks away. What was that about? What did I do wrong?

I go to my room, my thoughts racing. I see Mark brought my bags in and I smile at his thoughtfulness. I quickly get dressed in semi-professional clothes. As far as I remember, Harper wore jeans whenever I saw her, so hopefully dark blue jeans and a colorful blouse with a cardigan and scarf won't be a problem. I braid my hair in an elegant braid and do my makeup. I grab my keys, purse, and phone. I go to my car, my thoughts racing.

I rush inside, panicking at the thought of driving. What if I wreck?! "Mark!" I call, tears running down my face. I don't call Suzanne because I'm afraid of her right now. Mark comes in. "I can't drive. Take me to Harper's office...she accepted me as an intern." I say with a shaky voice. He grabs his keys and I follow him to his car. He drives me to the counseling center. My anxiety is sky high just being in a car. I'm worried he's going to wreck and kill both of us!

He pulls in and I get out, thanking him with a shaky voice. I adjust my scarf with a trembling hand. I feel really nervous about being Harper's intern. She knows so much about me and that is worrisome. I go in and the receptionist tells me to go to Harper's office. I enter her office and say "surprise!" Harper looks up from whatever she was reading and quickly crosses the spacious office to hug me. I hug her too, relaxing.

She lets go and we sit down. "How are you?" she asks. "fine." I lie. "No!" she immediately scolds. "You will be honest with me or I will not let you be my intern." she demands. "I'm not fine, but don't worry." I say. "What's wrong?" she asks. "I'm terrified to drive. I can't drive again. I keep relapsing with self harm." I admit. "Can I help you?" she asks. I feel extremely worried and anxious out of no where. The fact she's asking to help me means she respects me much more than when I was a teen. When I was a teen, she didn't ask permission to help me...she just pushed her way into my life and let things fall into place.

I shrug. "Let me help." Harper says with a worried, but kind tone of voice. A tear hits my cheek and I say "okay." Harper gently pulls my sleeves up. She quietly gasps and gently touches the cuts. I pull away instinctively. Harper hugs me and I start crying quietly, my wall of distance completely broken down. "Do you promise not to give up on me?" I ask. She pulls up her sleeves and moves several shiny bracelets. She has faint scars similar to mine. "Promise." she says. I cry harder, shocked by what she revealed to me.

I try to stop crying. "Why can't you drive?" she asks. "I'm scared to. After nearly wrecking, I vowed to never drive again." I explain. "We'll talk about that later. Gather yourself and put yourself in the mindset to observe. Before I see patients, I silently say a short prayer that the session will be productive and that nothing bad has happened in the short time I haven't heard from the patient." Harper says. I quickly hide my emotions. "Why didn't you..." I begin. "Questions later." she states, her voice gentle and calm. I sigh and fix my makeup. "Patient?" I ask. Harper laughs.

"Hannah?" I ask. She nods. I force a laugh to hide nervousness and remaining emotion. Harper leaves for a moment and then returns with Hannah. Hannah won't look at me. I feel worried. Am I making her uncomfortable and messing things up between her and Harper. "Usually, I'd do the whole...introductions thing, but that seems silly....so we're just going to start. How are you doing?" Harper says to Hannah. Hannah doesn't respond. Harper waits a few moments before realizing she's not going to answer.