Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

Weirdest Dream Ever

THE NEXT DAY

I wake up suddenly.  Suzanne looks at me.  "Evelyn, you are in deep trouble." she says.  "For what?" I ask.  "You attacked Harper!!" she screams.  That doesn't make any sense!!  I wouldn't attack Harper.....would I?  "She has a huge bruise covering her side from you kicking her.  You ripped all the tubes out and you removed the other equipment.  She didn't care about getting hurt; she felt she had to keep you safe.  You should feel horrible." Suzanne says.  I wouldn't have done that.  I'm not a violent person.

A few minutes later, I remember what happened.  "Do you remember?" she asks.  I nod.  "You're so grounded." she says.  I roll my eyes.  I had a psychotic crisis; you can't punish me for that.  "She deserved it." I say.  Suzanne rolls her eyes and leaves, slamming the door behind her.  Someone knocks on the door and a nurse comes in.  "How are you feeling?" she asks.  "Sick.....tired." I say.  "Who are you?" I add, not recalling her ever telling me her name.  "Candice." she says.  I force a weak smile.

"Yesterday, the drugs were still being processed by your body, but they were down to 27 percent.  Today our blood level goals are 11." Candice says.  I groan; I don't want anymore blood drawn.  It hurts too much.  "I'm just going to take some blood." Candice says as she ties the tourniquet around my arm.  "No." I say, my anxiety beginning to rise.  "I don't do needles." I say.  "It won't take long." she replies, trying to reason with me, before stabbing me.

I try to pull away, but the tight restraints don't let me.  It is quickly over and the hole in my arm is bandaged.  "I'll have the results soon." she says.  I groan.  She checks my pulse and oxygen.  "Your pulse and oxygen are still considerably low.  We'll keep you on the mask and monitors." she says.  "Your blood pressure has started to normalize, as had your temperature, meaning you're going to physically recover.  You're looking at being here another week." she adds.  

I nod, showing I understand.  She finally leaves.  I close my eyes and fall asleep.  I see a girl dressed in white robes.  "Evelyn, I am an angel.  Time for you to decide.  Do you live or do you die?" the girl says.  I shake my head.  "Am I dead?" I ask.  "I'm an angel, I visit people through dreams.  If you decide you'll die, you'll go into a coma until you finally go." the girl says.

"I tried to kill myself......what do you think I want?" I say.  "That what you wanted; you have the choice now." she says.  "I need to die." I tell her.  "First, let's look at Suzanne's life after you die." she says.  She snaps her fingers and I see myself flat on the hospital bed.  I realize I'm in a body bag up to my neck.

Suzanne clings to me, crying.  "She cared?" I ask.  The angel solemnly nods.  I'm flashed to a different place, Suzanne's bedroom.  Everything is thrown around and she has a gun to her head.  "No!!" I scream as she pulls the trigger.  She can't hear me.  I just realized it's like I'm watching a movie....no one can hear me.

I'm zapped away.  "Without me, she kills herself?" I weakly ask.  The angel nods.  "Now, we should see Harper's life if you die." she says.  "She's just a stupid psychologist.......no damage there." I reply.  I'm zapped to the room I died in.  Harper enters.  "No." she whispers as she rushes over to my body.  "Don't give up!" she says.  "I'm sorry." I whisper.  A tear hits her cheek.  I've never seen Harper openly cry before.  "I should  have known." she whispers.  I'm zapped somewhere else.  I quickly place it, the garden behind the therapy center.  Harper is sitting at a table by herself, which is strange.  She is usually with Liz, her sister, or Tracy, one of her colleagues, when she's taking a break.

"I'm a total failure.  I can't fail anyone else.  I have to quit." Harper says.  "You didn't fail!!  I did!!" I say.  Harper goes inside the therapy center and she goes to her sister's, the manager, office.  "I quit." she says before walking back out.  I'm shocked.  I turn to the angel.  "She quit because of me?" I say.  She nods.  

I'm zapped back to a black, endless room.  The angel appears.  "Do you need to see more?" she asks.  I sit down.  "What will happen if I live?" I ask.  "I don't know." the angel says, shrugging.  "If I attempt again, will I die?" I ask.  The angel shrugs.  "Will those things happen?" I ask nervously.  She shrugs again.  I consider my options.  If I chose to die, Suzanne will die too and Harper will ruin her life.  If I chose to live, I'm stuck with my depression.  I think death would be more peaceful......for me.  I can't do this to Suzanne or Mark or Harper.  I have to live even though it will be torturous.  "I'll live." I say.