Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

I Don't Want To Hear It

The door handle turns and I instantly know who is bothering me.  "Go away!" I cry.  "Evelyn, come out." Lahni says.  "Go away!!" I scream.  "No, I need to talk to you." she says.  "I have nothing to say to you." I say.  "I didn't say you did.  I said I needed to talk to you." she says.  "Can someone get the key for the bathroom?" she calls a few moments later.  

"You have more important things to worry about, Lelahni." an unfamiliar voice says.  "Mrs. Hull?" Lahni responds.  "You will not be needing that key in the unemployment line." the unfamiliar person responds.  "You can't fire me, Diana; this doesn't interfere with work!" Lahni exclaims.  "How long have you hidden this?" the person asks Lahni.  "Eight or nine months." Lahni says.  I can hear the defeat in her voice and I realize she's not going to work here anymore!  "Have your struggles helped you be a better nurse?" she asks.  "Of course, they helped me connect with the most difficult patient here......until she found out I lied about my recovery." Lahni says.  

"Give me a reason not to fire you, Lelahni.  I don't want to do this to you." Mrs. Hull says.  "I can recover and then I'll actually be a great asset to this ward." Lahni says.  "Fine." the woman says.  I hear footsteps going away from the door and for a moment I relax.  The door is opened suddenly.  "Evelyn, come on." Lahni says, gently taking my arm.  I pull away.  "You trust me.  I have almost never done anything to ruin that.  Didn't you feel that last night?" she asks.  I stand up and look into her eyes.

She smiles slightly.  I slam her in the face.  "No!!  Did you feel that?" I angrily say before pushing past her and going back to my room.  She follows me.  The door closes and I turn to face Lahni.  "What?!" I snap.  "Sit down." she says.  I pace the room.  "Or don't.  That's fine with me.  I need to explain the whole story of my past and present for you to understand my depression and self injury.  Just listen.....don't slap me again." she says.  I smile; she's worried I'll hit her again.....perfect.  

"I don't really care.  You could of told me you had the courage to keep fighting and we would reach the end of our problems, but you lied to me and told me you recovered!!  Do you not realize that hurt?!" I say, feeling really angry and betrayed.  "I didn't think you would find out.....at least not suddenly, like that." Lahni says.  "So you lied to me on purpose?" I say, questioning inflection in my voice.  "Yes?  No......Evelyn, I told you it's more complicated than that!!" she responds.  

"J-just get out.  I don't want to be around you." I say.  "Evelyn, you have to trust me.  You can't just shut me out.  You've lost Kat's support, Loretta deals only with medicine, and Jesse.....well, he's kind of creepy, so I'm the only genuine person you have that isn't going to ask fifty million questions and make weird assumptions that are scarily accurate or scream at you over nothing.  Please?" Lahni says.  I almost agree, but I quickly say "no way.  I don't trust you.  You are delusional.  You are the one who belongs in this place, not me."

"Evelyn, listen!!" Lahni snaps.  "No!!  You need to listen!  I don't trust you, I don't like you, and I don't want anything  to do with you!  I don't want to hear your experiences or story.  I don't want you to tell me why you thought lying was a good idea; I want you to leave me alone!" I say.  Lahni bites her lip.  "I'm not going to leave you alone." she says after a moment of silence.  "I don't want to hear this!  I hate you!!" I scream.  Lahni closes her eyes and starts counting under her breath.  "Really?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"I'm being nice to you, Evelyn, even though I'm getting a bit frustrated." she says.  "Imagine how bad I feel." I say.  "I can imagine.  It must be horrible.  Someone you trusted the most lied to you.  You're upset; I get that." she says.  "Then why'd you do it?!!" I scream.  "I thought if I told you half of my story you'd see it was possible to get better.  You need to hear the other half now.  That's what will, hopefully, make this clearer." she says.  How is she so calm?  If I were in her shoes right now, I'd be beyond frustrated.