Evelyn's Lesson In Recovery

She'll Always Be Here In The End

I wake up to someone roughly shaking me.  I sit up, startled.  "No reason to overreact.  Get up." the person shaking me says coldly.  I open my eyes.  "Get away from me, Michelle." I demand.  "Stay away from my daughter.  I don't want her to get attached to you only to have you lash out at her." she says.  "I'm not going to do anything to Lahni.  I've been doing pretty good compared to when I was first admitted.  It won't happen." I say, rolling over and trying to fall back asleep.  "Just stay away from her." Michelle says before leaving.  

I put the pillow over my face and scream into it, frustrated with Michelle.  I finally fall back asleep.  "Evelyn!!" Lahni says, making me wake back up.  "I thought my mom woke you up.  Go to breakfast." she says.  "Okay." I mumble, making myself get out of bed.  "Yeah....nope." I say, falling back into bed.  "Come on, Evelyn!!  You have to face the day.  If you get out of bed with a smile on your face, you'll have a better day." she says, teasing me slightly.  I giggle and look at her from my spot on the bed.  

"Come on." she says, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me to my feet.  "No!!" I squeal, laughing.  I let her hand go and she stumbles backward.  I laugh and get out of bed.  "Happy now?" I ask, running my hand through my knotted curls.  I go to the cafe and get my tray, with only five minutes to eat.  Oh well, that's the amount of time it takes me to eat anyway.  I quickly eat the bowl of cereal and put the tray where it goes.  

I go back to my room and pick up the comb.  "Your foster mom brought some clothes." Lahni says, giving me a bag.  I thank her and go to the bathroom to change.  I pull on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved floral pattern shirt.  I pull on a pair of brown flats she brought and go in front of the mirror to brush my hair.  

I groan in frustration and throw the comb.  "My hair is impossible!" I scream.  "Need some help?" Lahni asks, laughing as she picks up the comb.  She easily combs my curls and smiles.  They fall down my back loosely and make me seem......pretty.  I smile.  "You're so pretty." she says, playing with my hair for a second.  

"Sure." I say, rolling my eyes.  I put the comb aside and go back to the room we do school work in.  I have twice as much work today, so I really need to focus during both sessions of 'school' to finish it all.  The work is fairly simple since I can, for the most part, focus.  I finish it just in time.  I put it in my folder and put it at the front of the room.  I'm dreading this stupid group I have to go to.  It's so annoying and it can be really triggering at times.

I go into the room where the group meets and I sit down.  Erin comes in a few minutes after me.  "Evelyn, can you come here for a second?" she asks.  I walk over to her.  "Don't forget what I said about participating.  You need to push past your social phobia a little more." she says.  "Also, where were you yesterday?" she asks.  

"It was a really bad day yesterday." I say quietly, shrugging.  "Well, I want you to share that with the group." Erin says before telling me to sit back down.  I do, but I know I'm not going to share anything that happened yesterday with this group.  Erin is just going to get information from me and go tell Michelle.  "Hi everyone.  Let's  get this group started.  Let's start with Evelyn.  Tell us about your depressive episode yesterday." Erin says.  I shake my head.  "You have to be open with us to get better." Lahni's words flash through my mind.

I have to do this.  I really don't want to though.  I stand up and look at Erin, my eyes ablaze with anger and anxiety.  "Yesterday, I was really low and I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, so I talked to my key nurse about what was bothering me." I say, feeling strangely calm as I speak.  "Why do you think talking helped you?" Erin asks me.  "It helped get what I was thinking out into the open where.....it didn't seem so bad or hard to deal with." I say, shrugging.  "Okay, Evelyn, you can have a seat.  Would anyone like to comment on that?" she asks.  Raven raises her hand.  This has my attention.  I wonder what she can have to say on what I experienced yesterday.