J O S H
"I don't want you here!" Those five words echo in mind as we leave the warehouse. It scares me to know what he is about to do. Not for the bastard, but for Ryder. "I don't want you here!" It won't stop! I just want it all to go away. Then those five words change a different set of words. "I don't need you here! I don't need you!" It makes my world turn on its axis. Even if they never left his lips that is what is ingrained into my mind now.
He doesn't need me. I'm dirty. I'm not who I used to be and I fucking hate it!
"They're going to kill him, aren't they?" I hear her voice, but words won't escape me.
"That bastard deserves all the pain he gets!" The venom in my father's voice which has me shaking.
They know! They all fucking know!
I didn't want anyone to find out. I wanted to forget about it! Even though that is easier said than done. The only time I don't see him is when I picture Ryder and the way he made me feel even though he did not touch me. I felt him! All over my skin, my heart and soul.
"We need to get you checked out Kit Kat."
Blood is still dripping from her cheek where he fucking cut her! Now Ryder is going to lose himself more than ever before, and that is worse than anything he did to me. I need to be in the present, not there, but here in the now. I'll go insane if I think about it any longer.
"I'm fine." Bullshit! Her screams still ring in my head, they will not be leaving anytime soon. "Shaken, but I'm okay."
"I'll have our physician come to the house to check you two out."
"No!" Just thinking about anyone touching me is sending me into a panic. "I'm fine, just have him look at Kat."
"Son, I think it's best..."
"You don't get to think about shit, dad! You are no better than that piece of shit in there! He's this way because of you!" My best friend in this damn hell hole tries to comfort me and I snap. "Don't" The hurt in her eyes kills me, but I can't. I'm so fucking sorry!
Moving away from them I walk alone to the town car and get in. The car ride is silent the whole way. Their eyes stay on me, and I wish they wouldn't. I wish a lot of things, but wishes are fools I can see that now. Kat can't have Johnny. I can't have Ryder. Why can't we be with the people we love? He took it all! I fucking hate him!
"Come on son, we need to talk."
When the hell did we get here? Was I so lost in my now morbid way of thinking that I didn't even notice?
"Are you okay?" The way Kat asks, it kills me. She's afraid! Afraid to say the wrong thing to set me off. I can't blame her, I'm not even sure when I will snap next.
"I don't know."
Silence returns. This is the first time ever it feels this strange to be around her. Sure, I was pissed when she got married without telling me, but this is so much different. Strangers. That's what it feels like.
"Will you be okay with Dr. Avery and his assistant, Katrina?"
"Yes. If not, I will scream bloody murder."
For the first time in what seems like forever my lips twitch and I want to smile but it doesn't come.
"Josh, come with me." So, no one else knows your dirty secrets. Looking back at Kat one last time as I follow my father into his study. "Sit, son."
YOU ARE READING
Never Say Never
General Fiction(Completed)Book 5 of the It Just Happened Series. (This can be read as a stand-alone book, however there is mentions of the characters in the other books as well.) Ryder Dawson has just come home from his last tour of duty broken and lost. He does n...
