J O S H
Everything is so fucked right now. My best friend just lost her husband after she just found out she is pregnant. Shit! Did Johnny know before he died? I feel my body shake even worse and sorrow fills my soul, like I am drowning in it. This isn't fair and I am so deathly afraid that this is all my fault. If I never came here this would have never happened. I have been holding onto my Cowboy as he breaks down that I am trying to drown out my own pain and guilt.
"C'mon Cowboy let me clean you up." He shakes his head as he clings onto me tighter and I try not to wince at the pain. So, I take a deep breath and endure it, a part of me embraces it. Deep in my gut it feels like it should have been me. We don't know for sure what happened as of yet, but I hope we find out soon for all of our sanities. "Please." I beg when my thoughts start to consume me and it makes me want to get up and get far away from everyone as possible, because who will be next?
I almost sigh in relief when he pulls back, but my heart breaks all over again by the look on his face. "It's my fault. I should have protected him." I go to object when he stands abruptly that I fall back but he scoops me up before I land on my ass. The moment I am on my feet he takes a step back from me. "Everyone dies around me." His eyes land on mine and all the air gets sucked out of my lungs. "I need to get you far away from me as possible Josh. You are not safe with me...no one is." I shake my head and take a step forward, but he takes a step back.
"That's not true Ryder. You have kept me safe."
"Everyone I fucking care about dies around me!" He yells. "I'm the fucking grim reaper! You need get as far away from me as you fucking can." He turns away from me and lets out a scream so full of pain and agony, that tears fall down my face. He goes to hit the wall again, but I use all my strength to spin him around.
"STOP! Just fucking stop...okay." My heart breaks more because he is so much more than he gives himself credit for. I know he so much more than what he thinks his worth is. I do the only thing I can think of at that moment. I cup his cheeks with my hands, and I kiss him. I sob when my lips touch his. "Please stop Cowboy. It kills me seeing you like this." My lips land on his again, with more tears streaming down my face. His hands wrap around my waist and brings me closer to him. I'm desperate to keep him here with me when I feel like he is slipping away.
"You, shine too bright to die out Josh." He whispers against my lips, and I pull back and grab his hands and puts them to my chest. "Then stay here with me, do not slip away." My heart is beating so fast at the pure devastation in his eyes, but he nods his head. I take this opportunity to guide him up the stairs to clean up his hands. When we reached the bathroom, he sat on the bench as I grabbed the first aid kit. I quickly went to work and started cleaning up his bloody hands, all the while he had his head down. We didn't say a word because what was there to say at the moment. Everything is still fresh, and the reality is we lost someone dear to us. I don't know how he is going to cope when it really sinks in that Johnny is gone.
Once I finished cleaning up and bandaging his hands, I brought them to my lips and kissed every bruised knuckle. His head snapped up, and when our eyes met, I forgot how to breathe again. So much pain and agony in them and it hurts to look at him like this, but I can't look away either. I love him so damn much it's like I can feel his pain like it was my own.
"You're too good for this world Josh Harlan." He whispers and I feel my eyes get watery again. I shake my head as I help him up and we walk out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Once we reach the living room the front door opens, and Ryder is quick to respond and pushes me behind him. I sigh in relief when I see River carrying Kat in, but then my heart hurts all over again for her. No matter what I am going to be there for her and her baby. That baby will know how much she or he is loved.
YOU ARE READING
Never Say Never
General Fiction(Completed)Book 5 of the It Just Happened Series. (This can be read as a stand-alone book, however there is mentions of the characters in the other books as well.) Ryder Dawson has just come home from his last tour of duty broken and lost. He does n...
