R Y D E R
It's strange being back in this place. I haven't stepped foot in it here since after the last time Candice destroyed the place with one of her tantrums. Relationships are a waste of space after what she put me through. I still don't know why I kept going back, I guess it was familiar. Johnny did hell of a job fixing this place up for me though. I look into the fridge and forget there is nothing there.
"Josh! Say goodbye to your little friend and give me my phone so I can order food."
He walks out into the hall with a big smile on his face. How can someone be so happy all the damn time? "Oh, don't worry Kit Kat, I will definitely tell him. Love you too bestie and miss you so much." He sticks his tongue out and hands me my phone. He jumps over the couch and plops down.
"Your next place should have a bathroom like this one, it's amazing." Water drips down off his head as he sighs in contentment. My lips twitch as I look at the menus of the takeout places around here and give some over for Josh to look at. "Best feature of this place, big enough to fuck in." Why the fuck did I just say that? I do not need to look up as I can feel his eyes bore into mine.
"If you go on about having sex with that psychotic bitch in there, so help me Ryder, I will hit you." I laugh awkwardly and it pisses me off that he can bring out such emotions from me. I deserve to be miserable. "So, what did Katrina say." I quickly change the subject and he gives me that radiant smile of his.
"That you call her little one more time, you will never be able to feel your dick again." I drop the menus and my phone so fast to protect myself like she is here right now. For fuck sakes Ryder you were a damn soldier. I straighten my back up and Josh busts out into laughter clutching his stomach. "The look on your face Cowboy is priceless." Oh, this little shit is asking for it. I launch towards him, and he squeals as he tries to move away, but I am faster. I dig into his ribs, and he starts laughing hysterically.
"Okay...o-okay she d-didn't say that. I p-promise. P-please stop R-Ryder." I relent and lean back on my knees and the grin on my face will not disappear. I almost feel like my old self when I am around him. "I hate you." He huffs out as he tries to move away from me. That's when the laughter bubbles up at bursts through my system. Josh's pouty face breaks out into a full-blown smile.
"I can tell." I say as I try to contain my laughter and I swear his smile only gets wider. "It's nice to hear you laugh. You need to do it more often." He says breathlessly and as soon as he says it my laughter stops, and I frown. I don't deserve this. I go to get up, but I feel his hand wrap around my wrist. "I'm sorry Cowboy, I didn't mean to upset you." I shake my head as I get up and grab my phone and the menus again to order our food.
I need a minute while ordering the food to compose myself. I haven't laughed this much or even smiled like this in almost a year and I feel guilty as hell for it. Guilty for living my life when they can't. Guilty for not being who I use to be for my friends and family and it's eating at me. Then this guy comes along, and everything is changing. I don't deserve this, not at all. I walk back into the room and see that Josh has his knees pulled up to his chest, now I feel guilty for making him lose some of the light that shines so bright from him.
"Food will be here in thirty minutes." He nods his head but doesn't say a word. Why did I fucking live? I just make everyone around me miserable. "What did Katrina really say?" I had to ask because the silence is killing me. I barely know this guy, but I don't want to see him the way he looks right now. The moment I mention her name he brightens up and for a moment I get angry because I can make him miserable. Just the mention of her name makes him smile. He just proved my point that I am so fucking broken.
"She said thank you for letting me talk to her, even though my father didn't want me to."
I shrug it off as no big thing. "No harm using my phone to call Johnny, she just happened to be right there." I sit at the end of the couch but am surprised when he launches himself at me and pulls me into a bear hug. "It means a lot to me though Ryder." That smile of his is back on his face. For some reason my hand is itching to run my fingers through his hair. I didn't realize my hand was raised to do just that, but I just put it back down and pat him on the back.
What the fuck is going on with me?
He snuggles into me deeper and I am not going to lie, this feels nice. But I practically throw him off of me when the doorbell rings. All these emotions are fucking with my head, and I can't think straight.
When I get back inside Josh has the TV on and is flickering through the channels as I set the food out on the coffee table. I place all the food down and the man is basically bouncing in his seat. "I'm starving." I chuckle and shake my head as I plate out my food and push the rest towards him.
"Have at it." I sit on the couch and see he has a horror movie on pause. "Nothing like a good horror movie and some Thai food." He says as he pushes play and starts digging into the food. It's actually nice to have some company for once and not drowning in my dark thoughts. After we finish the food, I put the rest up and join him back on the couch until he decides to snuggle up right next to me. He wasn't kidding when he said he was an affectionate person. It's like he always has to be touching me.
I almost spit my drink out when he freaks out and becomes the spider monkey that he is to bury his head in the crook of my neck, I chuckle. "Thought you weren't afraid." He slaps me in the shoulder and pouts.
"I knew it was coming but it still caught me off guard."
"Whatever you say Josh." He moves out of my hold and just rests his head on my shoulder. One movie turns into two and before you know it, we are both fast asleep.
Next thing I know is I'm trapped back in the warzone. Gunfire is everywhere and we are trapped. I know we are going to become prisoners of war if we do not act fast. An IED goes off and I see Ritz flying through the air and screaming in agony as his legs are blown off. I don't know who is shaking my body, but it becomes too much as my eyes spring open.
"Ryder, it's okay you are safe." I barely hear the words because my mind is still trapped back there, and my hands begin to shake.
"C-Cowboy."
My vision clears and I see where I am and at this moment, I wish I was back in that war zone. My hands are wrapped tightly around his neck, and I can hear him gasp for air. I jump back and shake my head back and forth. No! I did not just do that. I see it in his eyes that he is shocked too.
"Ryder, I'm fine." His voice is a little raspy. How long was I choking him for? Shit! I could have killed him. I pull at my hair, and I feel my eyes water. I'm not fit to do this. I feel his hands on me and I flinch away.
"Stay away from me Josh. I hurt you."
"I'm fine." He tries to convince me, but I know better. I've had to kill before, but not anyone innocent like him.
I finally look at him but all I see is my hands still wrapped around his neck.
"I can't do this. I'm calling your dad and someone else will have to do this."
"No." He shakes his head trying to step towards me, but I take a step back.
"I can't do this. I'm more of a threat to you than anyone else right now. Don't say anything." I say as he goes to protest. "That's final!"
I will not be the one to hurt him like that again. Hell, now I got another thing to add to my list of guilt. Because I can never forgive myself for what I have done.
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A/N: I will have another chapter out tomorrow. I couldn't get my 2-chapter update done today. I promise it will be a good one.
Until next time,
💞Lexi💞
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Never Say Never
General Fiction(Completed)Book 5 of the It Just Happened Series. (This can be read as a stand-alone book, however there is mentions of the characters in the other books as well.) Ryder Dawson has just come home from his last tour of duty broken and lost. He does n...
