Never Say Never

Prologue

I still remember the argument we had. Why couldn't I just say it? The one person I cared about most besides my family, and I couldn't fucking say it. I'm such a coward, you would think that being ex-military that I wouldn't be scared shitless right now.

I just barely made it; I thought I was going to miss this opportunity. When I grabbed the wrist, I have felt so many times, my heart feels like it's going to claw out of my chest.

"Please don't go." My voice quivers. Do whatever it takes to stop this. Fuck! I'm an idiot! 

Fuck, I'm truly in love. I've thought it. Felt it. My heart's desire has been in front of me all this time. Yet it is shattering to pieces right now. Those eyes. They can tear a man down and I am ready to fucking grovel.

I never thought this would happen again. But when I look into those beautiful greenish-blue eyes I am weak in the knees.

"Why Ryder? We've been playing this game for way too long. I'm exhausted and honestly I can't do this anymore."

I see him clutch his hands into fist and they are shaking. I grab them and I bring them to my lips.

"Just one more chance. I promise I will never hurt you again."

I know I have fucked up over the years with him. I didn't want to admit my love for him, because love always ruins everything. Maybe I never was truly in love with her, but with Josh I actually feel whole. He may drive me insane and scare the crap out of me half the time with his craziness. But he has made me loosen up and actually enjoy life more. I know I'd be lost without him.

He snatches his hands away from me, the rejection stings but I can understand it now. How many times did I deny him what I knew he wanted? I'm the worse fucking person in the world.

He gives me a humorless laugh.

"You won't hurt me again. You always fucking hurt me Ryder! Every time you push me away."

Kat comes up to him, but he holds up a shaky hand to his best friend.

"We have never been anything more than fuck buddies!" He yells and I see people stare at us, but I could care less. I can't lose him.

He has to know that's not true, because it's not. Anger starts to build inside me, and I just want to throttle him. Better yet I want to ram into him to make him understand that it's more than just sex. I want to worship his body and show him I love him. So, maybe I would use sex to do that, because I don't know how to show my emotions otherwise.

I am really fucked up.

"That's not true." My voice sounds small to even my own ears.

"Flight 217 will be boarding in twenty minutes to Dallas, Texas."

Shit I need to convince him now.

"Come on Kat we need to go." They turn around to leave and I panic.

"I love you Josh, please don't go."

When he turns around his skin goes pale, and he is trembling.

"What?" His voice shakes and I stride up to him and cup his cheeks. "I said I love you." Then my lips are on his. This is the first time I have kissed him in public without freaking out. Now that the threat is gone, I don't give a shit! He clings onto my shirt and kisses me back with just as much passion. I bring his body closer to mine, but he steps back and shakes his head. He wipes the tears that fall down his face.

"Josh." I say softly but he keeps shaking his head.

"I can't cowboy." My heart breaks because this is not how I wanted it to go. "I love you Ryder, fuck... you know I do." More tears fall down his face and I hate that I have broken him, like I was before I met him. "Sometimes love is just never enough."

"Never say never." I give him a weak smile, because that is what he said to me and what started all of this. He gives me a sad smile and I hate it. I hate it so much that I did this to him...to us. "Please don't do this." I beg but I know it's no use. I lost him and I have no one to blame but myself. He moves closer to me and kisses me with just as much passion as before. I hold onto this moment because it will be gone very soon. I hug him tighter to me. When his lips leave mine and I bury my face into the crook of his neck. "I love you." I say as I feel the first stream of tears fall. I have not cried since; I can't even think about that. It still hurts too much.

The last time I broke down like this is when Chris almost died. He pulls back from me and kisses my cheek.

"I'm sorry, goodbye Ryder."

With that he ran off and I was going to go after him, but Kat held me back.

"I'll talk to him, but it may take some time. He's been in love with you this whole damn time and you couldn't see it."

"I..." But I was at a loss for words.

"It doesn't matter Ryder. I'm telling you this once and once only. If you ever..." She pokes my chest hard. I never knew how much strength she had. "Ever hurt my best friend again. You will wish you never met us... especially me." She gives me a sweet smile and runs after Josh. I know that smile was anything but sweet because I believe her when she threatened me.

I stay planted in my spot and pray to whatever God there is out there. Hoping she brings my man back to me. People pass by and some even bump into me, but I don't move, I can't. Because by some miracle he comes back, I need to be right here.

I never imagined I would feel this desperate and hopeful at the same time. I didn't even feel this way when Candice fucked me over. But this hurts so much more, I feel like I can't breathe.

Two years of this merry go round with Josh. No matter what I couldn't let him go completely. I'm such a damn fool for not realizing how much I fucking love him. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Maybe it's him. I shake my head because I know it's not. When Josh makes up his mind it's hard to deter him. That's how we started in the first place.

Katrina: Where are you?

Me: The same place you left me.

Katrina: Good don't move, I'll be right there.

Is Josh going to be with her? Hope feels my heart but the moment I see Kat I start to panic.

"Have you seen him?" She looks around frantically.

"You couldn't find him?" She glares at me, but the panic is back. "I looked everywhere and called him but he's not answering." Her voice shakes, "what if..." I shake my head at her. "No, he was caught remember." She nods her head, but it doesn't ease her mind or mine. "Then what the hell happened to him?" She practically screams.

"I don't know Kat, but I will find him."

I'll move Heaven and Earth to find him. If someone took him God help them because I just might kill them if anything happens to him.

A/N: I hope you enjoy this story as much as I am enjoying writing it. This story has two of my followers/friends as characters. So, this is my first time doing something like this and I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think of it, and I will appreciate the feedback.

Since I couldn't ad the disclaimer in the story description here we go.

Disclaimer: Any pictures or songs in the story that I do not claim are not mine, I do not own the rights to them. They are just how I envisioned the characters or the songs that go to the story line.

The characters in this story will use strong language, there will be descriptions of sex between two men. If you do not agree with it, then I advise you not to read anymore. As the story progresses there will be mentions of depression, trauma and references to sexual assault. I advise age appropriate to be 17+.

Thanks again lovelies.

💞Lexi Rein💞