Wines And Guns

68.

Porsche was sitting stunned after hearing everything. The silence was making him feel way more uncomfortable. He wanted Porsche to say something. It didn't matter what it was but the silence was making him overthink every passing minute. After a while Porsche got up and stepped outside. He was definitely overwhelmed with everything he saw and heard. But the scene of him walking away broke Kinn further. It felt like he was always alone during the lowest points in his life. Maybe it would be like that forever.

Porsche had stepped out to get some air. He didn't know how to react or respond. Maybe Kinn and him weren't so different after all. He had parents who were either gone or dead and Kinn had parents who were barely present in his life despite being alive. What he had heard and witnessed had disturbed him to a great extent. This was the moment when he truly needed to be on Kinn's side. He had helped Kinn win against several armed men and he wasn't going to let him lose to his own demons. He quickly walked back upstairs to the room and opened the door.

"Kinn..."

Kinn was sitting on the floor, his eyes swollen and red from crying. Tears were staining his cheeks and rolling down his face as his body trembled. He stopped once in a while to choke out on his breathe and then resumed sobbing. Porsche stood absolutely horrified. He had seen Kinn overcome with joy and anger but this was the first time he was watching him cry.

The tears were unending as his sobs shook his body, the trauma was haunting him. His body curled in on itself, trembling with every wave of pain that hit him. He could not move, could not speak, and could barely breathe as the weight of everything that happened to him crushed him down. The only sound he could make was his heart-wrenching sobs.

A new feeling of guilt flooded his mind, accompanied by a sensation of disgust. He felt dirty, filthy, disgusted with himself. He also felt a sense of fear creeping over him, like a shadow falling on him and enveloping him in its darkness. He felt terrified of what happened to him, and he feels ashamed of himself. He hated himself. He couldn't bring himself to look Porsche in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry Porsche... It's all my fault."

"What are you talking about? Are you crazy... You did nothing wrong".

Porsche sat down infront of Kinn softly cupping the man's face.

One of his biggest fears was that his Porsche will reject him, hate him, and abandon him because of this. He feared that he deserved it, that he is dirty, and that he is broken. The trauma from what happened to him felt too big to ignore, it was too much. He knew Porsche boyfriend will think he is disgusting and terrible. He felt selfish for crying infront of Porsche like this, after everything the man went through because of him.

"Kinn... None of this is your fault. You did everything you could."

"I couldn't protect myself. I couldn't defend myself. Mama, when she heard what happened... she took a step back as if she was disgusted by me."

"You were a child. You needed your family to protect you. Not the other way around. That- that bastard... He doesn't deserve to stay alive".

"But Mama did. She deserved to have a good and happy life. So do you... You've been in this mess for way too long Porsche. You've been here because of me... I can't watch you put yourself through this."

"And what about you Kinn? Do you think I'll be just able to live on while knowing that you're in pain. You think it didn't hurt me to be away from you? I've regretted my words ever since I left you there."

"I promised to not interfere in your life anymore... I couldn't keep up with that promise."

"You promised me something else too Kinn... You said you liked to see me happy, you said you would never let go of my hand".