Wines And Guns

16.

"Kinn"

"Mmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Porsche broke the silence of the room as he laid beside Kinn.

"Of course."

"If... Things would not have been how they were now... What kind of life would you have wished for yourself?"

"If Minor Family didn't attack us that day?"

"No not just that. If... Tawan hadn't betrayed you. If you really could go back and choose a different lifestyle for yourself freely right now. If you could have your family completely normal all together."

He noticed Kinn going silent for a moment. He had slowly started to fear asking Kinn questions.

"I never thought of that. About my family being normally together like any other family. Maybe that's what I thought when I was a toddler. It seems so strange and somewhat peculiar to imagine that. But why would anyone not want that? A normal and loving family where you could trust and respect everyone. It seems like some impossible dream now. I used to imagine uniting both the families when I was a kid. We could live in the same house, play together, laugh together. Just like how other families were. That idea seemed more and more unrealistic and pathetic as I grew up. My cousins were never my brothers. They were supposed to be my competitors. I couldn't place my trust on them. My uncle hated my family. Khun was very upset with this since forever. Kim didn't care for anything. He wanted to stay away from all this. Mama was always sad. Only Papa himself knows how he felt."

Porsche wasn't expecting Kinn to open up so quick, especially after their previous fights. It hurt to hear how Kinn was describing a normal and happy family like some fairytale that wasn't real. Porsche had never had a family after his parents were gone. It was always him and Chay. But Kinn was completely alone despite having such a big family. That must've been hell.

"And as for Tawan..."

Porsche felt Kinn's grip tighten around him in a desperate way.

"We were fairly young when we met. Just stupid and in love. Atleast I was. We spent hours and days together. At first it was all beautiful. I could talk to him about anything. He was the first person except Mama who used to listen to me for hours without getting tired. Even when I talked nonsense. He seemed very worried when I joined the buisness. He said that I will forget him eventually. Every day after I finished work I ran to meet him. We would talk about hours for our days. During that time I could do anything to make him smile. He used to get upset because I was too busy in work to spend any time with him. Slowly he grew more and more distant. Even when we were together he would barely talk. I hated myself for doing that to him. I used to come back home and rant it out infront of Mama. I grew bitter with my own family because of this."

Porsche was squeezing Kinn's hand tightly.

"I had my life planned out ahead with him. All stupid stuff that you dream along when you are young. During college Tawan always said that he wanted to marry me. I always thought that he meant it. Shortly after I joined the buisness I wanted to settle down with him. So on one of our dates I proposed."

Kinn paused as if he was hesitant to go on any further.

"Did he... say yes?"

"He didn't. He didn't say no verbally but he seemed really hesitant and upset. I thought he wasn't ready yet. Then I found out that he was stealing secrets from my family. I refused to believe it even when there was clear evidence proving what he had done. After it was all revealed I wanted him locked up so we could get out all the information from him but then there was an attack on the mansion and then...."

Kinn stopped abruptly. His breathing was rapid and he seemed panicked.

"Kinn it's okay. Don't say anything."

Porsche pulled him closer to kiss his face and rub his back. Kinn's hands had gone cold and were trembling. He was covered in sweat.

"I'm so sorry Kinn."

Kinn softly hugged him back.

"No it's not your fault. It's better to let these things out than keep them in for too long".

Porsche held Kinn all night long to soothe him to sleep. From outside it seemed like Kinn had everything a person could desire for. But he truly had nothing he ever wanted. Everything he loved was taken away from him. His entire life was crushed over and over again. He had his entire life planned out with Tawan. No matter how much Kinn tried to make it seem insignificant and light hearted it was true that the loss he had faced was immense. Someone you loved for years betraying you like that. He had to throw away and forget all that love and memories.

Porsche had felt like he lost Kinn for 2 days and he had the desire to end it all. He couldn't imagine what Kinn must've gone through all these years. He had planned to marry the love of his life, his best friend. He must've planned to have a family of his own. The kind of family that he had always wanted. And then one day he had to give it all up. Now he had to start again from square one with Porsche. He had to go through all that again. This was new for Porsche but not for Kinn. He had lived through this already. No wonder he found it hard to trust Porsche even now.

*

Kim sat on one of the chairs holding his pen absent mindedly. He was back at the same restaurant. He was there to do his homework. Atleast that's what he was supposed to do. His focus wasn't on his books at all. He was constantly looking around for Chay even though he tried his best to not make it seem too obvious. This time a young waitress came to take his order. He blabbered the first thing he saw on the menu. His eyes were on the table across the room. On Porchay who was taking down the order of other customers. He knew that Chay had noticed him maybe even if it was for a split second.

He had to pretend to concentrate hard on his notes as he waited for his food and simultaneously tried to not get caught staring at Chay like a creep. Soon the waitress was back with his food which was a fish and vegetable salad. It was healthy but certainly a horrible thing to have for breakfast. He made a face as he struggled to chew on the salad.

"Are you enjoying your meal sir?"

Before he could say anything Porchay passed by his table.

"He surely is. Look at his facing dripping with such cheerfulness."

He was stunned at the comment as he continued chewing his salad feeling miserable.