Lost and Found

Winter

The two that were on guard that fateful night did not fare as well as my males. Just as the first snow began to fall, we had funeral pyres for them.

The largest of Glen's stone sculptures has been cleared. It is kept clear in memorial to them both. Small offerings are laid out in front of it.

I had only known them for a short time. They thought we were worth protecting with their lives.

What did they see? Was it the cubs? Was it the food or workshops?

It saddens me to think someone's life was cut short, to keep mine going. Someone's future lost.

There has been very little time to mourn their loss, as the snow did not stop.

We had to quickly adapt and weatherproof the remaining buildings in the area just before the snow really started to fall.

Accommodations were made for those that were trusted and needed shelter. The suite above the workshop has part of Finlay's family residing there.

Clays house has Thorne, Emmet (hibernating), Glen, McBurney and his assistant. Three other houses had a mixture of guards, some young lads, and those that have helped with the building.

Paths between the houses are regularly cleared and made safe. The snow did not get above two feet in height, but the bitter winds made it horrid to venture out further that the neighbouring buildings. Guide ropes have been installed, for when the weather was at its worst.

I am tired, melancholic and a little depressed at times. Breastfeeding five is tiring.

My mates have been wonderful.

Whilst the cubs have started venturing around more, they have been welcoming and encouraging of the fur balls presence.

Little man, the male with white blonde fur, oozes confidence. He can often be found following Alder and Flint. If they are not present, he will be found salivating near the food.

Felix and Luca can be found with Cutie pie. That pup has no fear and will always demolish what game the twins are playing. Rather than chastise the pup, they encourage him and set up random toys and scenarios. It makes me long to create a park for them.

Angel is the white blonde female. She has Marsh and Ash wrapped around her little finger...or is it her paw? As Marsh describes medicines and practices to Ash, she too pays attention, until something sparkly catches her eye. She is the definition of poised princess.

You would think that the energetic female, Buttercup, would be with Cutie pie playing games. No, she follows Rowan and Thorne, mimicking their mannerisms, she has Rowan's swagger to a T. It won't be long before the little rascal learns how to hide and pounce. You can see her watching, calculating and twitching in preparation.

Then there is Sunshine. His attention is absolute. He will observe the others and then saunter to either Arron or Ethan. He will be the first to respond, the first to try something new, but always the last to fall asleep.

Anyone else would probably be ecstatic with the free time between feeds. I find myself catching up. Catching up with sleep, having an afternoon nap next to Mateo. Catching up with the plans for our new home. Catching up with my personal hygiene. Catching up with the others and attempting to socialise.

More often than not, I find myself with no energy or enthusiasm. Rethinking past decisions. Second guessing my choices.

The attack, a couple of months ago, has left me on edge. Every time I enter a room, I thoroughly check every corner and every shadow. It takes a lot for me to leave the cubs alone. Even if I am not the one they are absorbed in, I like to keep them in sight. My knife is on me, or next to me at all times.