Together

91. Let me help you

I've got time
I've got love
Got confidence you'll rise above
Give me a minute to hold my girl
Give me a minute to hold my girl
-George Ezra

Kie took a long drag of the joint JJ passes to her as they sit on the dock. She's resting between his legs, back leaning into his chest while he wraps his arms around her, holding her close to him as they stare out into the marsh.

JJ's request to go to the dock was met with no resistance. Neither wanted to return to the party after their makeup, vying instead for a more intimate conclusion to the night. They could just barely hear the faint bass of the music coming from the chateau as the party continues.

Luckily, JJ hadn't stopped storing his stash at the chateau, so a simple run back to his old room before meeting her in the light of stars and moon, provided them with a welcome opportunity to retreat from reality at the moment.

And he was more than happy to suspend time for a beat. It felt like they were extending their activities outside the Jeep, just more emotional than physical. Obviously. He rests his chin on her shoulder affectionately nuzzling his face in her hair. He loves the smell of her hair, coconut and shea butter, calming and grounding. Yeah, this was a moment he could spend forever in.

If only though. After he lets Kie take a few hits, waiting for her high to settle in, he decides to take a stab at the question he'd asked a million times.

"What's been going on, Kie?"

It's asked softly, with patience. He knows she's not gonna hold back anymore.

He feels her exhale, head tilting back to connect her cheek with his. It's like she's grounding herself to him. He feels like he should be bracing himself in some way. Getting the impression that this is going to be hard to hear.

"You know when you starting going to see Dani?"

It's an odd direction to head in and he doesn't see the connection immediately like he thought he would. All the same, "Yeah?"

"And I was staying with you most nights?"

He holds her a little tighter, humming his answer. He appreciated that more than anything those first few weeks of therapy. Needed her to calm him after the nightmares and waking panic attacks. He would have gone insane without her.

She clears her throat, and though he can't see her face directly, he senses that she's blinking back some tears before she swallows whatever her mind is telling her, pushing through to explain.

"It's kinda like that now, for me," she explains. It's still hard for her to admit, despite her wanting to open up. Getting the words out is an effort. JJ doesn't appear to mind though. Patiently listening, waiting for her to say all there is left to say before he responds. "Ever since you...since you got out of the hospital, I've been having nightmares," she continues, another shaky breath moving past her lips.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles into her hair.

"It's not your fault," she defends with a shake of her head. "I started coming to stay with you because of them though. It's like, the only way I can sleep is if you're next to me, otherwise I wake up and I can't get back to sleep. It's like I need you next to me to feel like you're okay."

He kisses her shoulder, a reminder to her that he's here. She hastily takes another puff of the now barely lit joint before handing it back to him. He snuffs it out.

"What else?" he whispers. Because it doesn't feel like this is all of it. There's still more.

She shrugs, but tells him the truth. "I'm not trying to be clingy," she prepares. "But, when you're not with me it feels like, like." It's hard to describe without sounding dumb and pathetic. She feels JJ run a hand down her arm, and she hides her face in her hands.