Together

47. Stop being paranoid

I don't wanna live forever
Cause I know I'll be living in vain
And I don't wanna fit wherever
I just wanna keep calling your name
Til come back home
-ZAYN, Taylor Swift

Without question, and objectively speaking, any third-party observer would agree that JJ fucking rocked the finals. He soared expertly through his run with genuine confidence, imposter syndrome be gone! His fears and insecurities were in the past and no one would have believed that he ever doubted himself just moments before the final round.

He pulled out moves he'd only practiced a handful of times, confidence at an all-time high after talking it through with Kie. He was having fun and felt like there was nothing he couldn't do while out there.

JJ was immediately sought out when he arrived on shore by a handful of excited spectators, but he quickly found refuge in the marked off area where he and rest of the competitors would wait for the results.

They all waited anxiously, looking out over the crowds that were gathering to learn who the victor would be; each of them finding and waving to loved ones that were waiting to congratulate them, however they performed.

He caught Kie's eye as she stood a distance away, smirking at him from behind the roped off area. She knew exactly what he was feeling. Probably could read his mind too. She mouthed the words, "You did it" and he shook his head knowingly at her, his smile betraying his attempt at dismissing her confidence. She knew he thought he did well.

It was nerve wrecking to have to wait for the ranking in the past, not knowing if he would be determined to be good enough to advance. Now, having completed the entire competition and truly feeling like he owned every ounce of those waves, he didn't think twice about what the outcome was.

Like Kie said, only person whose opinion mattered out there was his. And he was fucking proud of his performance. Fuck it if he didn't win.

He smiled when he saw Shoupe slide under the rope and make his way over. Only competitors were allowed to be back here technically, but Shoupe was also on duty for the event, and no one was going to tell him where he could and couldn't do his job.

JJ looked down, suddenly bashful, small smile still on his lips. Shoupe was looking at him like a proud fa—something and it wasn't the kind of adult attention he was used to. Nothing about the way Shoupe treated him was the kind of adult attention he was used to if he was being honest. Not since his mom left anyway.

Shoupe wasted no time wrapping JJ in a hug, taking him momentarily of guard. "I'm proud of you, Jay."

Shoupe had watched him take control over the waves he road. He listened to the crowds, Pogues and Kooks alike giving JJ praise he was due for his athleticism and skill. No one could doubt what they were seeing.

Of course, surfing was an entirely subjective sport. What one person saw as perfection, another could easily find a flaw. Still, Shoupe was proud of how JJ had been handling it all. He knew JJ felt that he wouldn't be treated fairly, but that didn't stop him from trying. From living up to his expectations, and not feeding into what other people may have thought before he started. And there were definitely people that didn't think he belonged there. He did it anyway.

JJ squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed with the emotion of it all. He bit his lip tightly and forced his voice to remain at its normal octave when he spoke.

"I didn't win yet," he reminded Shoupe, ever the doubting realist he had been throughout the entire competition.

"Winning isn't what I'm proud of you for," Shoupe says, pulling back, a hand on JJ's neck as he spoke. Shoupe nodded, communicating so much with that look that JJ didn't have the words to respond.