Can you heal old scars?

Chapter 30

Disclaimer- descriptions of past trauma, claustrophobia and panic attacks. If this could be upsetting to you please don't read on.

Quin's breathing started to slow down, he had come round to an empty room and a disheveled bed. He was confused and frightened, and didn't know what to do.

The more he calmed down the more he remembered bits of what had happened. He had been kissing Ryan and it felt amazing, but something went wrong because he was now curled up on the floor and Ryan was gone.

Quin desperately tried to remember, but it was like a big black spot had formed in his mind... Step by step he wracked his brain to remember everything up till that point and then gasped in mortification.

He had been on top of Ryan, and as he had moved he had felt Ryan's erection. It was so flush against him he was sure there was even the beginnings of his knot starting...

Quin hit himself in the head, he must have freaked out again, it must have triggered some sort of flashback or something. It had happened a few times in the past, shortly after he had got free. He had woken from nightmares and his Mama explained that he had been awake but didn't know where he really was, like he was living whatever fear his mind was playing to him.

Quin wiped his face of tears and slowly pulled himself off the floor, he headed out into the hall and spotted a light on downstairs.

Carefully and quietly he crept downstairs but stopped when he saw Ryan curled into Gail, crying in a way he had never seen before. He sounded so broken, so hurt and in pain... And it was all Quin's fault.

His chest tightened, and he felt trapped, the walls of the house seeming to shrink in towards him. He needed to get out, needed air...

Ryan finally pulled back from Gail, wiping his face and taking a few breaths. Gail rubbed his shoulder and stood.

"You stay here sweetheart, I'll make you some tea." She said kindly.

Ryan nodded, still in a daze. He had to keep telling himself that Quin hadn't been talking to him, somehow he had been stuck in a sort of flashback and had seen Callow, not him.

It still didn't feel good, still hurt like hell as he slowly got up and opened the curtains, looking out at the bright moon outside, watching the light sparkle across the snow down the driveway.

He was about to turn back when the slam of the front door and someone running out into the snow caught his full attention, he looked out the window and his blood ran cold as he watched Quin pelting towards the trees.

"Fuck!" He shouted, running into the hall and almost straight into his Mum.

"Wake the others, I'm going after him!" Ryan said to Gail before shooting out of the door after Quin.

Quin didn't know why he was running or even where to, it was just automatic. He had upset Ryan to the point he was sobbing in his Mother's arms, what kind of mate was he?!

Ryan deserved better, deserved so much more than Quin felt he was. So he was running, just to get away so he wouldn't hurt him again.

A small part of him knew this was a terrible idea, but his mind was still confused, and the more he ran the more he felt like something was following him. His fear just took over and he couldn't stop himself as he barrelled through the trees, the snow stinging his feet until he couldn't feel it anymore.

Eventually he stumbled out of the tree line and into a clearing, shrubs and various rocks scattered the area, but he could see the next tree line ahead of him. Something was screaming at him not to go out into the open, but it wasn't loud enough to combat the panic as he kept running out into the field ahead.