Can you heal old scars?

Chapter 29

Disclaimer- descriptions of past trauma and panic attack, if this could be upsetting to you then please don't read on.

Eventually Quin stopped his pacing and stood by the bed, his mind was still struggling to comprehend all of the new thoughts and feelings he was having. He wasn't sure what to do, he had never been in a relationship before and this was all very alien to him.

After all his life didn't go the way the average person's did, he never had the experimenting of his early teens, it was all about survival. Then he was pushed into the spotlight when Unity took off, and he never trusted anyone who showed any sort of interest because it was all superficial, they all wanted something for themselves.

But what was it that Ryan wanted? He didn't want Quin's money, given his reluctance to have Quin buy anything. He didn't seem to want the fame, after all he hadn't announced anything about their bond to anyone other than his own pack, and seemed happy to keep it that way. All he seemed to want was... Quin himself.

Slowly Quin sat on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do with himself. He had been attracted to Ryan the second he saw him, despite the mark playing havock. Ryan was just the type of guy he always fantasized about, on the rare occasion his mind would allow him to think that way long enough to do anything. And even though they hadn't got along that first month, he had watched Ryan, how he was with his family, with the pack. He showed great care and love to everyone, and he did everything he could to keep them safe and get whatever they needed to live comfortably. Ryan had all the qualities of a good leader, the kind of man that as a kid Quin wanted to be like.

"Do you feel all this stuff too?" Quin asked nervously as he looked over to Ryan.

"Yeah, though because I'm not fighting the pull in the same way, I can already sense when you have a strong emotion." Ryan said, a soft smile on his face.

"Fighting the pull in the same way?" Quin asked curiously, Ryan blushed a little and looked away.

"Well I want to be close to you, Quin. Closer than you seem to be comfortable with, so I'm resisting that part. But the rest of the pull I'm not, I don't have any reluctance or reservation. I want you, and I just hope that in time you can feel comfortable enough to allow yourself to want me too..."

Ryan picked at his fingers nervously, as he felt another wave of anxiety from Quin, but to his relief it was over quickly as Quin cleared his throat.

"I have a lot to process, a lot to learn. I have no experience of romantic relationships, so I don't know what's normal or not. But I'm not going to get used to any of this if I avoid it so... As long as we don't do anything ah... sexual.. then I don't mind being close to you, it does feel good." Quin said, fighting down the nervousness fluttering in his chest.

"Except if you freak out on me you mean..." Ryan said, looking concerned.

Quin gulped, he wasn't sure that he wouldn't have another panic attack, but avoiding contact wouldn't help him get used to it either.

"I can't promise I won't freak out, I'm not used to being close with anyone... But it's not because I don't want to be, it's caused by the trauma I have never dealt with. But I will never leave that way of thinking behind if I don't try..."

Quin rubbed his neck out of habit, and to his surprise Ryan took his hand away from his neck and held it.

"Then don't run away from me, when you feel like your going to lose it, just talk to me. I already promised you, I won't take this any further than we have discussed unless you explicitly tell me to. You can trust me." Ryan spoke softly, rubbing small circles across the back of Quin's hand with his thumb.