MATHONGA

Chapter 51

MATHONGA-
Fifty-one

NALA-

I knew that I would find him in his room, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. His head buried in his hands, I stand in the door way and stare, thinking he’ll look up, but he doesn’t so I stroll towards him and not once does he raise his head.
I know he heard the door open, something is bothering him and I don’t like it, I don’t like seeing him troubled.
“Thonga lami!” I’m sitting next to him now, my hand resting on his lap. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, we’re ready to go.”
“He died.” He murmurs, terrifying the life out of me.
“Who?” My head is all over the place, we just buried Thabani. We can’t have another funeral. We’re only human, we can only take so much. Mathonga keeps quiet, his head still bowed.  
“Mathonga, who died?” My tears are here, he’s scaring me, honestly. Could he be talking about one of his brothers, the one at the hospital? That’s impossible though, he said he’s made progress and will be coming back home soon.

My heart is performing, Mathonga is too quiet. I have to control my breathing. I can’t afford to freak him out, not when he’s worried like this.
He lifts his head, and trains his crimson eyes at me. I don’t know what to make of the glower on his face, the furrowed brow and trembling lower lip.
“My father.”
My jaw falls and I cover my mouth in total incredulity, I just saw his father earlier today. What could have happened?  
Dismay punches me across the face, I pull him into a tight hug, burying my face on his neck,
“I’m sorry, Thonga. I’m here for you if you need anything. I promise, I won’t leave your side.” He’s not holding me back, I’m confused by his tense body, hence I let go and look into his enflamed eyes. That is all there is now, red eyes and nothing more. My confusion escalates, how he shows no emotion after losing his father. He angles his eyebrows, his confusion matches mine.
“Babomncane Bopha died today.”
I feel like an idiot but mostly so bad for assuming he was talking about the chief, I’ve heard about his uncle Bopha. They must have been close for him to be this devastated. 
“I’m sorry…” It’s all I can offer, a second-rate apology.
“Another thing, I just found out that my father is not my father. He’s been lying to me, all of them have been lying to me.”
He’s telling this story but there’s no emotion in his voice, I can’t see his eyes anymore because he has lowered his gaze again.
I don’t know whether to comfort him or sit here and let him finish. The latter seems like a better option.
“My real father is a rapist, he raped my mother. Now I understand why she hates me, I remind her of the man who violated her.”
I feel a stabbing in my heart at the pain laced in his voice, I want to tell him that things are going to be okay and that he will heal. But I’m not an expert at this, I myself am a victim who is struggling with forgiveness. The only thing I can do at this point is place my hand on his shoulder, this way he knows that I’m here.
“She doesn’t hate you, Thonga. She’s probably traumatised by what happened.” I don’t know what I’m talking about, really. Mathonga’s gaze sweeps over to me, there’s a diverting puckered pleat on his forehead.
“She hates me, trust me I know.” He sighs and that just breaks my heart even further, everything is too much to take in.
I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that he’s hurting, I feel useless as well because I don’t know how to comfort him, my mind is not in its rightful place.
“Where is your biological father?” I ask.

My heart escapes its home and leaps to my throat as he burns me with his sharp gaze, this time I see need and desperation assorted with rage.
He looks at my lips before his eyes lustfully lower to my body and that is enough to quicken my breathing, my heart loses its normal beat as it races against the many thoughts in my head.
He stands up, eyes still fixated on me, reaches out his hand and I take it without any thought to it.
“I want to see you.” His voice is a blank paper, a disconsolate smile drags on his face.
He pulls my dress up, I’m letting him, confused as I am—I‘m letting him undress me.
This whole time my eyes haven’t left his, maybe that’s why I haven’t panicked yet. I see something in his eyes as they scan my half naked body; praises, as clear as they come. Tears find a way out of my eyes at the message of love relayed behind his determined gaze, no one has ever looked at me like that. He takes a step forward letting his arms snake around my waist and pins me to his body, I can plainly hear his heart beat.
“You disentangle me, Nala and surround me with warmth.” His statement comes with a trigger of expectation, the look in his eyes ignites something so strong in me. I know now that life without him would be impossible, I don’t want to lose him. 
“Mathonga!” The call isn’t much more than a rush of air, his name is delicious in my tongue and leaves my lips yearning to take his name again and that I do, leaning into him. His arms encircle around me, his hands are warm on my bare skin.
“Will you give me permission to hide in your arms?” Mathonga.
He’s staring back, his eyes find my mouth before he runs his thumb on my lower lip, and they quake at his touch.
He leans down hunching his back, he’s too lofty. I have to accommodate his tree-self by standing on the tips of my toes, his lips touch mine… it’s the first time that I shiver at the feel of their coolness. This is not the right time or place, my body should not be reacting this way. Or I should blame my mind for failing to do its job. Dear Lord, why is my body trembling with desire for him?
He pulls back from the kiss, his gaze is doting.
“I need you Nala.” His voice has softened, completely free of anger nor sorrow. At this moment, I toss everything away, every negative thought, every misgiving and let his lips meet mine.
Nothing compares to this, my lips against his. In response to the foreign feeling, my heart is thudding widely in my chest.