MATHONGA

Chapter 28

FUNOKUHLE-

Every so often I wonder if there was a time I had not cared much about what my family thinks of me, not just them but Pule. The refined views I’ve heard through silent whispers, or the exacting ones I’ve conceived within my own mind. If only there was a way to soothe the brutal raging of their hearts.
If there was a way to wipe out my father’s hatred imprinted on my back, the throbbing stripes that tore at my flesh and continue to do so.
My old man did not waste time in tying me up the day we got home from Johannesburg, my pleading and desperate attempt to get him to see reason were of no use.
Tied like a dog to a washing poll just outside his rondavel, my father stripped me naked and whipped me like I was an intruder, a thief who had come to take his life and everything he owned.
“Everything I do, I do it because I love you and I don’t want you to perish.” These were the words he said as he left me hanging on a pole, fighting for every breath in my lungs.
My brothers nor their wives did not bother to intervene. For hours I lay in my own blood, the scorching sun finishing what my father had started.
Only hours later did he come back to untie me, my limbs had given up on me, leaving me weak and vulnerable. But he forced me to walk to my room and clean up, I remember crawling and him shouting “Be a man Ntandoyethu, you’re embarrassing me.”
The roar alone was enough to force me to my dizzy feet.

I didn’t think he would leave me in peace after that, but he did. He wouldn’t look at me nor say a word to me. Part of me wants to believe that he was ashamed, but that’s Ongezwa Sangweni, shame hides from him.
The physical pain inflicted by my father does not compare to the pain in my heart, being away from the man who swiftly crept into my heart and every part of me, like a destructive hurricane; hurts.
I don’t like the way I left Vukuzakhe, my mind is not at peace. I broke his heart, and destroyed any hope he had of us ever being together. I didn’t want to do it, but my father left me no choice.
Pule was part of it as well, I’m still oblivious as to how he got in my father’s good books. I haven’t heard from him since the day I left Johannesburg, in a way I’m glad I don’t have a phone, he can’t contact me without one.
Unless the bastard has the balls to enter my father’s premises and ask for me. I wouldn’t put it past him.

The door to my room opens, and my heart jumps to my chest. Why is he here? I scoot from the bed and stand like a soldier ready to take orders. This is what he expects from me.
“Get dressed, I’m going to introduce you to Zwane. You’ll be working for him as a taxi driver.” My father says, he’s standing at the door. 
“Baba I…” I want to tell him that I don’t have a driver’s licence, but he cuts me with a raise of the hand.
“Don’t talk back,” disgust paints his face. I recoil as his eyes sweep up and down my body. Suddenly I regret wearing these jeans, he must be thinking they are too tight.
“Why are you standing like that?” He asks.
Because you battered me like I was a sacrificial lamb. I don’t voice my useless thoughts but try to stand straight. Nothing changes, he’s still grimacing and ogling at me like I’m covered in shit.
“Stop crying all the time, men don’t cry. I don’t know what I ever did to your mother for her to leave me with you. I loved her and gave her everything and this is the thanks I get.”
He turns to leave, but I can’t let him. This is my chance to tell him this.
“I’m moving out.” My voice carries, he stops and instantly turns. The look of disgust has not withered.
“Where are you going to go? You have nothing, how will you start from scratch with nothing?” He’s staring at me with pure revulsion.
“I’ll see when I get there.”
“And where is there?” The cackle that leaves his mouth lacks humour. “The Khanyile homestead? That boy is married, he has a wife. You must be stupid if you think he will leave his wife for you.” His words are vile, they chop my heart to pieces.
He’s leaving again, why am I not standing up to him? I’m a man like him, only that he’s… he’s my father and he’d squash me like a cockroach.