MATHONGA

Chapter 30

NDLELENI-

Siblings are a blessing from God, the ancestors, a higher being, the stars or whatever deity you believe in. They are the people who will never leave you no matter how dark your days turn.
You learn to love them from the moment they come into your life and when your brain is fully developed, you come to realise that you would simply die without them, that life would be absolutely meaningless.

He was born a year after his brother Vimbela, his mother popped out babies like they were in fashion. There were four children before him, four children who had occupied their parents’ hearts.
A parent’s love is boundless, right? There’s always enough room to fit a nation.
Not in Ndleleni’s case, Vukuzakhe had filled more space than he should have in his mother’s heart, leaving the others to squash themselves in and share a seat.

His father was there for the first few years of his life, he filled where Dalisile couldn’t and that was okay with Ndleleni until he noticed his mother’s big belly. Somehow he knew what it meant, he’d heard his brothers talk about a baby coming.
There was joy in the family, joy he couldn’t participate in whole heartedly.

He too should have celebrated with everyone, right?
He wanted to and for a while he did. He clapped with them when the baby would kick, although he didn’t know what that meant, it just felt like the right thing to do since everyone was doing it.
The goal was to fit in, and not look like the outcast he was.
She looked like a giant from his four year-old view, a big oval belly, round cheeks. He was scared of her, especially when she started walking like a penguin.
Some days it gave him nightmares, he would wake up sweating with tears threatening to expose his cowardice, but he couldn’t let them out nor tell anyone about the bad dreams.

His older brothers also spoke about how a man never cries and should show strength, no matter what the situation life has you in, and he wanted to be that, so he wouldn’t feel like a burden.
Ndleleni was the youngest after all and his brothers babied him. He hated that, maybe that’s why his mother didn’t care to give him a moment of her time, make him feel like he mattered at least.
He longed for her attention, a kiss on the forehead, or a pat on the shoulder.

When he’d fall and bruise his knee, Vukuzakhe or Hlabela were there to pick him up and nurse his wounds. When he lost his first tooth, they were there and went to an extent of putting money under his pillow while he slept at night, “with regards the tooth fairy.” Their exaggerated notes would say.
His parents were too busy for him, too busy for all his firsts. His first word, his first walk, his first haircut and his first day at school. Everything else seemed more important than raising him.
Sakhile was already in the picture, a bubbly bundle of joy with bulging eyes and a captivating smile. Aren’t all babies?

Ndleleni was not sure how he felt about Sakhile, if he loved him as much as everyone did. He couldn’t understand what the fuss over him was about. Even his brothers had cut the attention they’d give him in half and handed the other half to Sakhile.
They were still there, all of them. But it wasn’t enough, he needed all or nothing.

Soon Dalisile detached herself from the golden boy Sakhile, her full attention went back to her first born and Sakhile was too young to have noticed, maybe too slow. Babies cry when they are not getting the attention they are accustomed to, they’d scream with demand until you give in.
However, Sakhile never cared to demand what he was given from birth. It annoyed Ndleleni, how his little brother seemed perfect.
He was nothing like him, an attention-seeking, weak brat who needed someone’s love to survive life on earth.

He was six years old, going on seven when his mother detached from all of them but Vukuzakhe, he noticed how she’d become that big woman again. Swollen face, plump body but this time it was accompanied by anger. She would shout and throw things around the house.
Mostly, she kept herself locked up in her room and barely spoke to them.
Some days they would hear loud voices coming from their parents’ bedroom, it was clear they were arguing.