MATHONGA

Chapter 33

NALA-

This is new to me, having a man rest his head on my chest with his arms wrapped around me. He’s heavier than I’d like, but I can’t complain. He’s going through something, I knew when he walked into my room with red eyes and a puffy nose. 
He hasn’t said anything about the sadness behind his eyes, the only thing he’s told me is that he has a sister who is not his mother’s child and she brought hamsters. Apparently Ndleleni is allergic, Ntabezikude wanted to kill them, he wasn’t making sense, but he found it funny.
I spent the day in bed today, to avoid passing out. Mathonga would make a big deal out of it, he makes a big deal out of everything.
“Thank you, MaShange.” Oh! He’s still alive? I was about to check, I can imagine the breaking news; *Khanyile boy dies from cuddles.*
“Do you need anything?” I query.
His face is hidden in my chest, what am I saying? His entire body is on me, squashing me down the mattress. I can’t feel my back and my ass.
“I need you.” He says, raising his head to look at me. His chin is on my chest.
Men cry till their eyes swell up? This is news. The intent stare should be making me uncomfortable, it’s not. What is it with this man that makes me feel comfortable around him? I should be running away from anything that has a penis between its legs.
Mathonga feels like that calm rain, there’s no storm raging inside me when I’m with him. I have agreed to belong to him, that’s why he is looking at me like his world begins and ends with me.
“I’m here, Thonga.” I’m here and I want to know why he’s been brought to tears.
“Can I kiss you?” Lord! That’s what couples do, they kiss and hug and… no, I can do this. Mathonga is not… him. Maybe I’m stupid to trust him, but I do.
“Just a peck,” he adds, probably seeing the hesitation drenched in my face. Half a nod through and his lips are pressed on mine, his eyes are closed. I want to close mine, savour this moment, but my past denies me.

He’s shuffling on top of me, his hand sliding under my nightgown, between my thighs. I can’t believe he is aroused already. My heart freezes. Relax Nala, he is not… him. 
His lips are moving against mine, slowly and carefully. His warm tongue asking for access, hesitantly, I take a bold risk and let him in. I hope I don’t end up chewing rice I did not eat. These French kisses are not for everyone.
His hand starts trailing up my thigh, he’s moaning inside my mouth.
My body freezes instantly as flashes of Petros harass my mind. I shift my head to the side and break the kiss, luckily he stops. He’s confused, men always look confused when you deny them something they deeply want.

“You’re moving too fast.” The honest truth is always the way to go, I would tell him how I much I loathe sex, that it is the worst thing God has ever created. He should have come up with a different way to be fruitful and multiply.
Mathonga shifts to the side of the bed, leaving me squashed against the wall. He’s upset, or is it because he was crying? I’m yet to learn so much about this gender.
“Are you upset?” I ask, and I’m not sure what I will say if he says he is.
“Why would I be?”
He crosses one leg over the other, pulls his hoodie to his eyes and folds his arms across his chest. I would be upset by his attitude if he wasn’t making my heart do funny things.
“I didn’t mean I don’t ever want to do it with you, Thonga. I just… it’s too soon. I’m not those girls who…”
“I never said you were.”
He’s sitting up, ogling at me with narrowed, red-rimmed eyes. I didn’t think he’d be defensive.
“Maybe you should go take a cold shower, you’re frustrated for no reason.”
“I’m not sexually frustrated Nala,” he’s whining like a child. My eyes can’t be deceiving me, this man is pouting. 
“I never said you are sexually frustrated,” I implied it.
This conversation is taking all the strength in me. Is it even a conversation or a fight? We’ve been a couple for a day and already world war Z has emerged.
The bed moves with him when he scrambles down, I shift to where he was sitting and stretch my legs to cover all areas. He won’t be sitting back here, until he takes that shower. We’re staring at each other, I don’t know about him, but I want this squabble to end.
“I’m sorry, Nala.” He pushes my legs aside and takes his spot back, his big head lies on my chest and I have no choice but to caress the big baby.
“I just broke up with my ex-girlfriend, she didn’t…”
Whaaat?
He’s on the floor, face scrunched and nose crinkled up to his conical eyes. I didn’t mean to push him that hard, it was an unexpected push, or he wouldn’t have fallen.
“You had a girlfriend, Mathonga?”
“First of all; ouch!” He complains.
Banging his big head against the wall should’ve come to mind first, I never get anything I want.
“Secondly, yes.” He sounds apologetic, but I don’t care. He just broke up with his girlfriend for me… wait…
“Is it because of me that you broke up with her?”
His lips curl up as he positions himself back on my bed, if I were not standing, I would have pushed him again.
“I really like you, Nala.” Like? He broke someone’s heart over “Like”
“How long have you been together?”
“Years, we met in high school. But…”
Oh my God! What was this man thinking?
“Mathonga, what have you done? We don’t know each other that well for you to break someone’s heart, it’s not that deep Mathonga. We would’ve gotten over what we feel for each other, you didn’t have to take such drastic methods.”
I’ve never wanted to be a home wrecker, the world has enough of them. Why is he looking at me like that?
I cross my arms and step back, he’s standing over me with his intimidating giant-self.
If I wrote a letter to God, I’d tell him to reverse time and make women taller and stronger than men. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have a father, I doubt he would’ve protected me. The world is cruel, hearts of men have grown cold. No one pities anyone, it’s each man for himself.
My heart jumps to my throat, a ragged breath leaves me when my spine softly hits the door. He’s caging me against the door, there’s anger in his eyes and… I’m a mess of shudders. His breath ghosts my face, and I think I smell what he had for supper.