Hayden & Dean: A Supernatural Love Story

Chapter 35: First Prayers

I wake up on my bed with the blanket over me. I move my head around the room and it's empty. I look at the clock, it's a little past 6 in the morning. I crawl out of bed and change my clothes. Dean must've brought me back here after we sat for hours in the bathroom. I must've been extremely tired not to have woken up. I walk into the kitchen and Castiel is there, sitting and eating.

"Hey Cas" I call out when I see him.

"Goodmorning Hayden" he returns to me "how are you doing?" His eyes find mine with the same sad look from days ago.

"Please don't look at me like that" I say shrugging a shoulder.

"You need to tell Sam what happened in that motel room" he explains putting his food down "you need to tell Dean too"

"Dean already knows" my eyes explain. "How did you know he didn't remember?" I ask curiously.

"That explains where he is" Castiel nods looking past me "and Dean is a good man, he would never have said your name that way after he was human again, he would've been ashamed" Castiel explains.

"You have a pretty good grasp of Dean and his emotions" I say back.

"We've been through a lot together" he returns back.

I go to take a step out of the room but remember that he said something else "what do you mean by that explains where he is?" I inquire.

"He was going to a church this morning. I tried to talk to him but he would not listen." Castiel tells me.

"Do you know what church?" I ask. He shakes his head no "alright. Thanks Cas" he nods his head at me and I walk out of the room.

I leave the bunker and find the closest church. It's a Roman Catholic Church and I find Dean sitting in a pew, hands folded in prayer, head down. I walk slowly up to him and take a seat a few rows back.
"Come on God. Help me here. Haven't we been through enough, haven't I done enough" his voice sounds strained "what I've done, that can't be forgiven. I've hurt one of the only few people who love me beyond repair." He sighs deeply. "What do I do next?" He stops there, head still down. It's silence for a bit longer before I decide to speak up

"Hello Dean" I whisper out

He turns quickly and his eyes turn from sorrow to confusion "how long have you been here?" He asks eyes averting from mine.

"Long enough" I whisper back to him "praying?" I raise an eyebrow to him.

"What else is there to do?" He pleads

"Just never prayed before, never mentioned God at all for that matter" I return to him.

"What else am I to do Hayden? I did something unfathomable and unforgivable to you, I can't even see past it. Then there's the baby" he gestures down to my stomach "what Cain said, the mark being passed down to him or her--" He shutters.

"We don't know if that's true or not" I try to assure him, scared myself.

"What if something happens to you during this pregnancy?" He asks eyes on me. "I'll pray every day if I have to, I need something to believe in" he adds on. I move out of my pew and walk over to his. He slides in and I sit in the end. Our knees are touching. I try my hardest to focus on something else, not wanting to hurt him further.

"Believe in yourself Dean" I start to talk "you are all you need." He shakes his head "don't think about what's happening now or what just happened. Think about all of the other falls in your life, Azazel. The apocalypse, hell. You've come back from all of it before. You will do it again"' I encourage him.

"And you? I was born into this life, your life was simpler before all of this. I don't expect you to bounce back from this" his eyes search mine.

I shrug not really knowing how I will come back. I sigh "I don't know yet, but I'm still here" I catch his eye and smile softly. "Let's get out of here" I say opening my hand for him to take. He looks up at the alter and the cross. He does the sign of the father, son, Holy Spirit and takes my hand. We walk out together, him squeezing my hand harder then I am his. We get outside and I let go of his hand, starting to feel ill again. "Did you drive or walk here?" I ask him

"Walked" he simply says.

"Me too, let's start walking back" I begin stepping forward and he follows me.