Let's go save the world

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(Y/N) POV:

It had happened again. I had told Natasha that to make sure that Hulk didn't kill anyone I had used the sleeper state and she got mad at me. But not shouting mad, no something much worse. She was quiet. She was sitting on the side of the bed in her bathrobe while I was pacing in front of her in a pair of jeans and t-shirt Clint had given me.

"Look Natasha it was the only choice. There were no casulties and everyone got home safe. I made sure to stress no deaths were allowed and it didn't kill anyone. You should therefore have no reason to be angry with-" I said in a calm and paced voice.

"I'm not angry about the actual usage of the sleeper state." She whispered with a tone dripping with dissapointment. "I'm angry that you broke my trust. You made a promise to me and first chance you got you broke it."

"Well I'm sorry if I didn't consult you first but you were unconcious and experiencing your worst nightmares. Would you have preferred if I went up to you and asked you for permission to help out while innocent civilians died?" I sneered at her slightly.

"You're being childish and ignoring my point." She said yet again stressing her words which now held obvious resentment and anger behind them. "You broke. My. trust. I am not a trusting person. I have told you things not a single living soul knows aside from us two. I trusted you and you decided to betray that trust."

"Well I'm sorry but I told you when you entered this relationship that I'm not the good guy. I have priorities Natasha and my personal happiness with you goes below protecting innocent people." I said referring to two years ago when we started this.

"So you're saying I'm not one of your priorities?" She asked with spite now tipping her words even if they were in the same soft tone she had used before.

Damnit. She knew that wasn't what I meant.

"Natasha you are my central priority but I know what it feels like to die. The first time I was shot in the head I was terrified. A fear swept over me and my mind raced between hatred of my situation, to fear, to denial, to trying to internally pray to any and all dieties I could think of calling upon. All within a single second. The utter petrifying undescribable feeling of dread, the overwhelming terror that runs through you and explodes through every cell of your being. The desperation to cling on to life just for a few more moments once your death nears. Have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt the helplessness and indescribable dread you feel in the last moments of your life?" I asked and she looked at me with a slightly melted gaze.

I took her silence as a no.

"Natasha...I don't want anyone innocent to ever feel that. To ever feel that terror. So yes I betrayed your trust and yes I am sorry.But I don't regret it. I understand why you are angry and I also know you could never fully understand why I did what I did because there is no-one on earth who truly knows what it is like to die and then still stand here and talk. So yes. I apologise for betraying your trust but I'm not going to apologise for saving lives." I finished.

Natasha looked slightly downtrodden and she showed signs of empathy for me and what I had said. I waited for her to respond but she stayed silent like she was taking some time to consider her words. I sat down on a seat opposite the bed and waited patiently.

"Okay...I accept that...But that doesn't mean I have forgiven you...Give me some time." She whispered without any of her former resentment even if she was still annoyed at me.

There was a silence between us as thick as treacle. A silence that spoke of both of our sorrows and both of our unspoken promises.

"Dinner's happening in ten minutes!" I heard called up the stairs from Clint.

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