How Many Did You Take?

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very sad chapter again sorry yall, but there is  a happy ending to this one lmao 

MAJOR TW: !HEAVY TALK OF SUICIDE!

angst

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The apartment door slowly fell shut behind you as you sat your bag down onto the floor and slipped off your shoes. You had decided to surprise your boyfriend today since you two hadn't seen each other in almost a week, and you were starting to miss him. 

You walked into the living room, no boyfriend in sight. The T.V. was off, and so was the fan. He wasn't in the small dining room or in the kitchen, either. 
'Is he even here?' you thought to yourself.
He had to be... you could've sworn you saw his keys by the front door, and his car outside. 

You headed towards the bedroom. Maybe he was taking a nap? 
No, he wasn't in there, either. The silence was far too thick and uncomfortable to you.

You saw the bathroom door closed, so you assumed he was taking a shower... but there was no water running. You frowned, opening the door... but what you saw was something you wish you could take back... but it was too late for that now.

Corpse was sitting on the ground, his back against the tub and an open bottle of pills in his hand, some of them spilled out onto the cold granite tiles. In his other hand was a palm full of the same pills, and he was raising them to his mouth.

"Corpse?!" you screamed out, tears immediately falling from your cheeks. 

"Baby, no, no, no, stop! Stop it!" you yelled, falling to your knees and trying to get the pills from his hands. You fought hard but he was resisting, struggling to get them back from you. It wasn't hard for him since he was so much stronger than you. 

"Stop! Let me die! Let me go, please! Stop!" Corpse yelled out, his deep voice clashing into yours, both of your protests causing a loud echo to bounce off the walls.

Corpse slightly pushed you off of him... it wasn't too hard, but just enough to get you off of him. 
"Just let me die!" he said, also in tears himself at this point. 
"Please, Y/N, let me go..." he said in a more calm tone, still very agitated and on edge. 

"Corpse... give me the pills. Please? Please, baby, let me help you..." you say calmly, crouching back down in front of him. 

"I... I want it all to go away. Can this just fucking be over? Please, make it go away. Why can't it just go away? Everybody says it'll get better but it never fucking does! I just want to fucking die, why can't I just fucking die!" Corpse said, breaking down into tears and letting his face fall into your chest. 

"It's okay, bub. Let it out." you whisper, holding his head close to your chest and gently ruffling his curls. "It's okay. I've got you... it's just you and I. We're safe... you're okay."

You mentally slapped yourself at that, because he obviously wasn't "okay", but you were just glad that your words seemed to calm him down for the moment.

"I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry-" Corpse cried.
"Shh, honey. It's okay, it's over now. Don't worry." you whisper, still keeping his head close and stroking his hair. You kiss the top of his head, and then his temple. "Everything is alright, just breathe.  Now, listen to me... I need you to tell me how many you took, okay? How many did you take, baby?"
"I didn't take any, yet." Corpse mumbled.
"Are you sure? Do you promise?" you ask, looking into his eyes. 
"I promise."

---

"I'm sorry." Corpse said softly, his head in your lap as he stared blankly at the ceiling. It had been about an hour since the incident happened and this was the first time he's done more than nod within the past 45 minutes.
"For what, honey?" you reply in the same tone, looking down at him with a loving, yet concerned look. 

"For what just happened." 

You run your fingers through his curls, sighing. 
"Don't be sorry, baby. I know you can get overwhelmed sometimes. We all can... but listen to me... giving up is not the solution, okay? It really isn't. Could you imagine if I walked in just a few minutes later? Lord knows where you'd be right now." you say softly. "I can't imagine my life without you baby, seriously. There would be no kisses to wake up to, and no laugh to make me smile. No stupid jokes or funny references  to any stupid TV shows or movies." you chuckle a bit at the last part.
"There'd be nobody to wake me up in the morning and take me out for breakfast, and nobody to reassure me that my jeans don't  make me look disgusting." You giggle, knowing how angry it made him when you talked badly about yourself.

"And what about your other friends? Hell, your fans! Could you imagine being a 13 year old girl waking up to a Twitter notification saying that her favorite Youtuber in the world just passed away? That'd be devastating and pretty traumatizing, if you ask me." you continue.
"But, I also want you to stay just for you.  Not just  because you want to make sure other people are happy."

Corpse looked up at you, a softness in his red, tear-stained eyes telling you to continue.

"You've always talked about how you want to have a mini us running around here someday! You've always wanted to move out of the city and settle down, and not have to worry about money. Of course in the midst of getting closer to that point we're gonna have bad days. It's inevitable... but, I want you to actually be able to see  that happen, baby. How are you gonna experience that if you're not here, huh?" you explain, looking into his eyes and gently pushing his black curls out of his eyes. 
"I love you." you remind him. "I love you, okay? Which is why we're gonna get you some help. I know you've been depressed for a while now, but now that I see how bad it's gotten, I think it's time to get some serious, professional help." 

"I-I dunno about getting help, yet..." Corpse said hesitantly. 
You sigh softly, pursing your lips. "Well, please just... try? And even if you don't like it, there's plenty of other things we can try! Like getting a new therapist, or group therapy, or even just doing things by ourselves, like taking walks everyday or volunteering at an animal shelter... fun things. Things that don't feel more like a job than something that's supposed to be helping." you explain.
"I know you've been trying to lose a bit of weight, so maybe going to the gym is something we can both do to help motivate each other. However long it takes, I'm gonna make sure that you start to feel better, okay? So by starting that, I'm gonna contact a therapist and see when we can get you in, bub." you say, really hoping he wouldn't protest again.

You felt his chest slowly collapse underneath you. 
"Alright." Corpse sighed out. "Thank you, baby. I love you." he said in a soft tone.

"Just one thing, though..."
"Of course, anything."
"Please don't tell anybody about what happened today. I don't want anybody to worry about me." Corpse said, looking up at you again.
"I won't baby, I promise. It's just between you and me, alright? Don't worry." you smile, bending down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"Thank you." he breathed out.
"Of course. If you need anything else, just let me know, okay? I'm here for you."
"Okay."
"I love you."
"I know, princess. I love you, too."

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