Beautiful Days

Chapter 38 -Let the Sun Rise: Part 2-

(Esme's POV)

I waited patiently as Edward called Carlisle for me. He had left the room half way through and I also got up and walked over to the nearly wall length windows facing the garden. I was so close to tears as I tried to listen to Edward's words. I wished to hear Carlisle's voice when I really wished to be in his arms, nestled safely between his strong arms. The glass protested with a blunt sound as I hit it with my fist in frustration and anger. I rested my forehead against my hand on the cold window glass and closed my eyes. How can you be angry with a person doing everything in his power for you without even the slightest hint of selfishness, only the purest sincerity...? That was exactly the conflict I was fighting internally.

A tiny hand on my arm broke me out of my thoughts and with a smile I looked to my right to face Haven in Bella's arms. "Edward is still on the phone," she said at once, before I could have asked. "Hello, baby," I whispered and took Haven from Bella. I clutched him close, laying him on my shoulder. He made sweet gurgle sounds and hit his tiny fist against my chest. The emotions overwhelmed me at this point and I felt the tears coming... I rocked from side to side with Haven, the sadness intoxicating me... "I'm sorry," I whispered into Haven's ear and kissed his head, tears falling down my face. Bella turned around to the door in expectation and so I did so as well, awaiting Edward. He did come in, but he was still on the phone. Even if it was only a faint murmur, I could hear Carlisle's voice that close as Edward stood next to me. His voice alone broke me down. I sobbed and cried even more and sank down on the close by couch with Haven still in my arms. Edward looked at me with deep-set worry and replied to one of Carlisle's questions. "I don't think it's a good idea right now." With a last glance in my direction Edward left the room again. Bella sat next to me and watched Haven with a smile. "Do you want to hold him?" I asked her with a small smile. "Yes, I've missed the two so much," she whispered and eagerly took Haven from me. She laid him on her thighs and played peek-a-boo with him while earning melodious squeals of joy from him. I rested my head against the couch and closed my eyes.

"Esme?" I heard Edward's voice calling. I opened my eyes and Bella motioned over to the hall. I kissed Haven's forehead and then made my way to Edward. Every step made me realize how exhausted I was from today... I stepped into the barely lit hall but couldn't find Edward. I looked around, but couldn't make him out in the darkness. "I'm here," Edward called from a distance. I followed the sound of his voice and found him standing on the veranda at the back of the house facing the garden. He sat on the steps leading into the garden as he patted the spot next to him. I silently sat next to Edward and watched the full moon as he did. "Carlisle hasn't really told me much about what had happened..." he stated.

I looked from the bright moon to Edward. "We had a fight after he had told me...." I sighed.

"About what?" he asked, all attention on me.

"I was angry with him, because he hasn't told me earlier. He has tried to tell me so often when I think about it and all this time he kept it a secret from me and only me. I am perfectly capable of dealing with the information as well. I know what it implies, what could be the consequences yet he has kept it from me. When I told him that he didn't really see my point... Carlisle couldn't understand why I was angry, for him, he already treats me like an equal when in reality it is quite the contrary," I sighed and let my face fall into my hands.

"I can assure you that it was never his intention," Edward told me earnestly.

"Don't you think I know that," I called out in frustration.

"But your relationship has shifted," Edward said as a statement not as a question.

"Exactly," I sighed. "Ever since I am human he treats me like a porcelain doll! When I became his wife, we were equals, two equal parts in the relationship and we always complemented the other perfectly, whenever one of us needed strength the other provided it... I believe we did so for all our marriage and still do so, but it has all shifted. He regards me as the vulnerable half of the relationship now," I confessed to Edward.