A Childhood Discovery: 1/5/15

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6:16am Monday, January 5

Two hour school delay!! Guess who can't get back to sleep but knows what to do instead. Wink wink. Okay. Bye.

9:54pm
Question: if I do actually decide to get a boyfriend, do I go through my phone and delete all the nudes and dick pics I've been sent? Do I have to???

Would I make him delete all his? I'd like to say no, but I'd probably want him to in the end. Or at least not look at them ever.

1:05pm
I'm so fucked up that I get annoyed when my parents act romance-y. I should be thankful they're all gross like that, but sometimes I roll my eyes, because I have this awful feeling I'm not going to receive any reciprocated, equal love. At least not anytime soon at all.

9:01pm
I remember when I first started masturbating. You know, I wasn't even in my room. I was in my mom's studio room where the computer was, and I found a strange link on Facebook that lead me to some smut. I was, what, eleven maybe ten. I was reading these dirty stories, then I thought, 'Maybe my hand should go here and no one will ever have to know about any of this.' I don't understand how I knew how to get myself off, but I guess we all just know naturally. After that, I was hooked. I went upstairs on the computer until one or two in the morning every night. I suppose that means it was summertime, and I had to be ten. It's kind of cool I remember this so distinctly, at least to me it feels important. I break my life into segments this way.

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