Satan School of Sophomores

Average: 10/12/14

12pm Sunday, October 12

I think I'm coming to the realization that I'm just average in every sense of the word. Average in looks, body type, grades, creativity, mind set. Below average in emotion. Maybe above average in imagination. Though when it's all averaged out, I'm average.

I used to think I was pretty. I thought that I was pretty, because I've got blonde hair, but I wouldn't even have that now if I didn't peroxide it every summer. My eyes are a kind of small, brown things, set in my head in an average manner. My lips, the bottom one far fatter than the top, a permanent pout. Yet still small mouthed and bow shaped at least. Nose; a bumpy thing. Hideous profile in my mind. My body and face, riddled with scarring. Not from cutting, I find self harm an irreversible, easy way to seek attention. I don't dare tell the world this, but I guess I've written it here, and that's just as distasteful. But these scars I bear are from picking, itching scratching, popping. I suppose I do it because of nerves or I despise my exterior or I'm just downright inane.

Stop it. Stop hating yourself, you twit.

I could be dead or paralyzed or blind. But I'm healthy. I'm a healthy weight. I'm healthy internally. I don't need to be a selfish, hateful person. I need to accept myself before anyone else will.

I love myself.

I'll continue to say it until the day I perish.

My hair is blonde, who cares how it got that way, it looks attractive. It's thick and soft and a shade of yellow you can't get from a bottle. My eyes go from pecan to oak to forest-y green flecked. Eyes of average size and not deep set. My lips are not thin, pink and soft. I like that the bow shape can make them dramatized. My nose is fine in its own way. I can say it looks fairly nice head on, and it's not upturned like a pig's or anything. Plus, I know how to amuse myself. My brain; a never ending, swirling vortex of interest and curiosity beyond comprehension. My chimera. A mental agility. A world I get lost in within myself.

So there. I like myself. I love me.

8:36pm

I just watched The Walking Dead, new season premiere. Woah. Epic.

And my day was another empty cloud but still as lovely as ever.

I want to read Lolita.

I think I will be a flapper for Halloween.

I was having an emotional time earlier, but that's fine.