8:51pm Sunday, April 26
Oh god. I'm going to die a virgin.
Anyway, I went to prom last night, and I had the most fabulous of times. Although, Rob grinded on all my friends but me, and he never looked me in the eye (big surprise). You can only try so hard with boys. I think he's still obsessed with his ex. I probably look similar (but less attractive and American which is ew) to her, so he found some solace in me. I probably bored him to death, and once he realized I have the sexual experience of a brown clog shoe, he ditched me. I don't blame him. I look pretty terrible from a lot of angles, and I was kind of depressing when we hung out. Fuck, I really did like him. I can't decide if I still do or not. Fuck. I'm trying to find someone else to obsess over, but there's no one of equal or greater value at the moment.
I want to get accepted into this college summer camp. It's my best shot at that equal or greater value thing I mentioned.
Next order of business, all I did today was read, sleep, eat. I was up until three in the morning last night. Prom was poorly decorated but still a fucking fun time. I'm happy. I do feel fat today for all the shit I've been eating lately. I regret that shitty General Tso's chicken I ate for lunch, dammit.
9:24pm
I wonder how I've kept the secret of this book from my mom for eight months. Eight months. I've been writing. It's almost a year.
I'm crazy scared. I'm scared that I'm never going to be happy. I'm scared of feeling really dull and looking really dull like some of the lifeless, washed up, sexualized, phony, blank-stare types I go to school with. I'm worried I'll have sex and think, 'That was a waste of my time and energy.' I'm worried I'll go to college and find, 'I don't know how to work, and I'm useless.'
How do I even sleep at night with all these thoughts swimming inside my brains?
I'm so mixed up, and I'm updownupdownupdown. I think everyone I know wants to punch me in the face. Fuck up this nose even more.
9:48pm
Will I wear a bikini this summer? Hahahahaha
Probably not, because no one wants to see this mess. Ew. No. I can't even imagine. My flab thighs, stomach pouch, looking flat chested as hell. I'd be mortified.
Why can't I enjoy myself? Because, it's not like anyone else does.
YOU ARE READING
Satan School of Sophomores
Teen FictionA year, documented, of a young, confused teen girl's life as she struggles and experiments with the modern world of sex, drugs, and the opposite gender. This work contains crude language, intense/inappropriate situations and other more or less mild...
