Satan School of Sophomores

Pick Your Poison: 11/14/14

12:56am Friday, November 14

Sometimes I feel like losing virginity is a pick-your-poison kind of scenario. Pick your poison: half drunk at a party (don't quite remember), with that boyfriend you've been with since like middle school and oh dear god why awkward, ouch blood ouch ouch.

Ugh. It's really early and I had this great plan in my brain for this virginity topic. I'm just confused. Should I wait or should I go? Makes me think of that song. Anyhow, lose it or move it? To screw or not to screw? In the big scheme of things, is 17 and 25 really that big a difference? Should I wait another year? Yes. I hereby announce I give my v card one year before expiration.

Now what's something fun I can only do as a virgin?
I don't know...
Become a saint? Not be pregnant? Take a pregnancy test and laugh? Become a nun? Break my hymen using something that shouldn't be used?

I ask a shit ton of questions!!
And don't you forget it!

This is my last year. At sixteen, I will look out for a sex boat to board. Oh my god. Did I just write sex boat? Someone punch me.
Clearly, the above is why I remain a virgin queen feeling infinity.

When I set goals I stick to them! Now, if I want sex, I gotta find the right guy. From this day forward, I shall scour the recesses of this dark and twisted land to find some hoe to bang. By hoe I mean teenage boy who has preferably had sex under twenty times.

Okay bye.

Oh! I just remembered! I have a weird thing for Andy Samberg. He's really hot. Why doesn't anyone say it? Address this. Bitch. Oh wait I think I already said that. Too bad. It's good enough to say twice.

1:42am
Is it weird I identify more with curvier, slightly bigger women than with stick, model-sized ladies? I just can't stand reading a book about a skinny bitch, but if she's chunky, I like it better. I don't even know where I fit in on the scale. Some would say I'm a skinny bitch, others would politely call me big-boned or something.

5:58pm
I like bean poles okay I like bean poles a lot.

Those tall, naturally skinny bitch boys really are adorable. You know, hot face is a must have, but if they're a bean pole that's a plus. I think my friends think I'm weird for being into that, but whatever.