Satan School of Sophomores

Sick & Sore: 12/21/14

11:18am Sunday, December 21

What if I end up doing it in a way I least suspect? Like bam. I'm at summer camp or bam, I'm on a boat. What? I'm too tired to make sense. If that didn't make sense, do not worry. I used to love summer camp now I'm like, "Can I just stay home and fuck bitchez all summer?"

You know, one time, my parents were debating sending me to England for the summer (which I would've greatly enjoyed). There is nothing better than getting away from parents and going to another country. If I met a hot British guy that would've been cool. Bam! Another unsuspecting place, I guess.

2:53pm
I'm watching Sucker Punch, because why not. The whole movie is like a bad porno, but there's hot chicks and hilarious, sexy outfits. I've never seen so many hot orphan/mental patients wearing fake eyelashes. Every line in this movie is suggestive as fuck.

I wish the creepy doctor was hotter.
Is that John Hamm?
What the hell is this movie?
They're prostitutes and strippers??
Everyone's skin looks really cakey and bad. Cheap foundation.

I'm losing brain cells from watching Sucker Punch.
Every song is a cover.

Why?

4:47pm
I feel so unwanted.

7:48pm
I need to buy sexy black undies, but I don't wanna spend money on something no one can see!!!!!!

I'll wait until I've got a reason (person) to buy it.

8:15pm
Ever have someone suck on your finger like it's a dick? That feeling is: 'woOoAaaHhhHHhhhh I understand why blow jobs are a thing.' It's great. I think I'm lucky to have a friend that's bi and all my other friends are up for anything, pretty much.

I still feel ill. I'm coughing, and my throat feels a little sore. Hope it passes!!!!

I'm pretty horny, but not like: I want sex, more like: I want to finger myself because I look too terrible for anyone else to do it.

Started my period like five minutes ago. Thanks, Mother Nature Bitch. Hate getting it, but glad I do at the same time. Don't wanna be the Virgin Mary.

My mom stank up the bathroom. Thanks, Gross Mom. She always puts her hands on the light switch without drying so that it feels like piss when someone else goes to touch it even though I know it's water. She needs to stop that. It's fucking sick.

I hope I'm sexier than that when I'm her age. Right now I'm sexy as fuck. Dayum. Full of myself much?

One time this kid in middle school at a high school football game said, "It takes a lot to get me hard."
And I was like, "It's not a good thing to have erectile dysfunction at the age of thirteen." (you dumb fuck)
His face was a mix of confusion and anger.I laughed.
Guys who say that are dumb. Easy boners are great. Jeez. Don't be a weirdo and think your limp dick is some kinda trophy or something. I don't see the logic.

8:41pm
One day, I was imagining places people have sex. I thought, 'People should just keep that sex in their own home. Unless it can be in a library. Libraries are so cool.'
What the fuck. A library is my cool sex place? Really? This basically defines my nerdiness. I'd screw in a library, after hours. Why? Because I heart books. That's why. Total thug life, I know.

9:17pm
I really want a hot band member to eat me out right now.
I have sexy teenage fantasies, don't we all?
Hot damn, sex is the only thing on my brain.

"Are you pretty flexible?"
"Yes, I am. I'm really flexible."
"I used to be a gymnast. Can you put both legs behind your head?"
"I'm not surprised. And yes, I can put my legs behind my head."
"Oh, you're perfect." And that dumb ass sexy smile killed me.

He's a total hoe. A flirt. NOT my type. I'm not even special; he treats all the girls like that. He calls them all perfect and slides his hands all over them. That's what players do. They play. I'm keeping my head clear.

Winter Solstice!!