3:25pm Tuesday, December 30
Jeez. I mean, I'm on birth control. But, that doesn't mean I want to have sex. It feels like I'm trying to hold up a concrete ceiling.
4:27pm
I feel so nauseous. I just....
I don't have sex.
I can't.
I won't.
My mom was hurt. When she was a teenager.
I can't. I can't be carefree. I know too much. I'm scared.
When I hear other girls are talking about their sex lives, I've got nothing to say.
You know it's not easy?
I don't try to cut out the world.
I don't mean to be so cold.
But no one is going to see what's really inside me.
It's not easy to stay a virgin. I don't want to be this way. Hold back, not too close. This comes naturally to me. Something engrained in me to never let anyone touch me.
My heart is pounding.
I have to hide that I want to cry.
I want to scream.
But I'm in the car with three other women. And guess who's the only virgin? Guess who hates them self the most and never relaxes?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Screw everything.
Screw it.
I'm so dumb.
5:41pm
I love Adventure Time, Regular Show, Chowder, Spongebob. I sit and waste a whole Saturday on the couch eating nachos.
I mean, I still watch cartoons on the weekends and can't even drive.
I can't be having sex and acting like a child.
YOU ARE READING
Satan School of Sophomores
Teen FictionA year, documented, of a young, confused teen girl's life as she struggles and experiments with the modern world of sex, drugs, and the opposite gender. This work contains crude language, intense/inappropriate situations and other more or less mild...
