(DAYU)
"What are you thinking?" Qing asked me while we lay on the bed together. We were supposed to be sleeping, but while Qing is yawning every now and then, I cannot seem to shut my brain down. It won't stop thinking of the story that old woman at the bookstore shared to me this afternoon.
Actually, I haven't focused fully on anything since hearing that story. That story...it can hurt people.
People like my family and the family of the man I love.
But it's just a story...or something that happened in the past. A story of the past...
I look at Qing, wondering if I should share the story to him. "Nothing," I said before smiling and caressing his cheek. "Let's sleep..." I closed my eyes. I felt Qing pulling me close so I lay my head against his shoulder.
But sleep won't come to me. I found myself opening my eyes again, staring at the shadows playing in the dimly lit room and the profile of my lover with his eyes closed.
"Yes," I whispered, "Sleep. Rest. Let me worry about this. I can handle it and...ick!" The last sound just come out of nowhere when Qing suddenly opened his eyes.
He is not asleep after all.
"Okay, tell me." He ordered before moving to lie sideways, his arms around me so I cannot go anywhere.
I winced, "I am not sure..."
"I am sure, I want to hear what is bothering you. Tell me..." Qing stared at me with his serious "I will not let you get away with this" stare.
I sighed. I am dying to talk to someone about this anyways. Might as well it be my lover.
"Do you want to hear an interesting story?" I asked him.
"Yes. Of course the answer will be yes. I am practically forcing you to tell me..."
"Okay," I guess there is no getting around this with Qing but to tell it to him straight. "It's about a boy and a girl, meeting in college and falling madly in love with each other. The girl came from a simple farming family in the middle of the country while the boy is an heir to a vast inheritance and noble lineage..."
"A Cinderella story then," Qing just looked mildly interested in my story as he interrupted me.
"Maybe. Anyways, the boy has a friend. A friend who grew up with him. The boy introduces the girl to his friend..."
"Bad idea," Qing intercepted the story again. "A love triangle is a messy idea. I don't know why writers put love triangle in their story, two people in love is already complicated, exhibit A is us, if you put another person on the equation, that is just asking for a whole lot of mess. Go on..."
I chuckled at him. "You are already invested in this story."
"I am," Qing gave me a light and quick kiss on my lips. "Continue..."
"They all became close. The boy, his friend and the girl. But..."
"But three is a crowd..." Qing nodded wisely. "I get it..."
"Well, I was going to say, but the boy's family, his rich family, has a tradition of picking brides for their sons and the boy's wife was already decided. It's not the girl."
"Fuck..."
I nodded, "Fuck indeed. So what the boy did is ask his friend a favor. Look after my girl while I fight my family to decline this wedding they set up on me. But the thing is, it was not an easy fight and it took some time...time that gave the girl insecurities, you see she was only eighteen and stupid and scared and..."
"She was impatient and inexperienced." Qing nodded his understanding.
"She was eighteen. So she got drunk, she pulled the friend to get drunk with her and well..."
"Something happened between them," Qing winced. "Fuck they were stupid."
"The boy accused his friend of taking advantage of the drunk girl. The friend admitted to it and professed that he also loves the girl."
"Oh hell..." Qing grimaced this time. "That's rape..."
I paled at what he said. "Don't say that...please..."
"Why not? That's rape, Dayu. The girl was drunk, he took advantage. He raped her. If I am a douchebag like that friend, I could have done the same to you. Remember when we first met? You got pretty wasted that time. But did I take advantage even though you practically took off all your clothes? No! Why? Because I am not a rapist, like that friend of that boy..."
"Oh my...let's sleep." I don't think I should finish this story.
"No!" Qing shook his head. "Finish the story. Then what happened?"
I bit my lower lip. "Well, the boy didn't care. He loves the girl so even though his friend touched her first, he took her back and held her hand again. While the friend was ostracized and was ordered to keep his distance from them."
"Kudos to him," Qing sounded impressed about the boy. "And the friend deserve that, to be ostracized.
"But six weeks later after that fateful night of indiscriminate drinking, the girl found out she is pregnant. With the friend's baby..."
"Oh shit..." Qing winced again.
"Oh shit indeed. The boy suddenly have a dilemma in his hand. He can love the girl but can he raise another man's child? And the friend, when he learned that he will be a father, wants the child to be given to him or he will raise hell. What should the girl do?"
"Fuck...what did she do?" Qing asked.
"She married the friend. Even if she didn't love him. She cannot give away her child. She also doesn't want to take that chance that the boy will hate her child with the boy's friend. So she broke up with the boy and married the father of her child. But her heart, remained on the boy she loves."
Qing stared at me. In his eyes, I know he is already computing things on his head. Analyzing the components and coming up with conclusions.
"I see..." he said quietly.
"Do you want me to continue?" I asked him carefully.
I saw him swallow hard. "Sure," Qing said even though his tone said he is not sure anymore.
I nodded. He needs to hear the second part of the story. "The boy married the bride his family wants for him. The girl gave birth, to a baby boy while the friend continued to study and work at the same time to finish his degree and raise his little family. The bride of the boy also gave birth the second year of their marriage, also a boy. The girl and the friend has a son. The boy also has a son. Life commence for all of them..."
"The end?" Qing asked hopefully.
I shook my head. "Fast forward to eighteen more years, the boy and the girl who is a man and a woman now, met again. And they realize, they still love each other. The woman, who married the man she didn't love refused to open her heart to her husband. The man who married the bride picked for him lived out for his obligations. The bride is kind so he treats her right and kindly...but right and kind are not love. The man and woman only ever love each other. And if you are desperate like that...an affair is not out of the realm of their reality..."
"No...Dayu ah," Qing sat up so suddenly I had no choice but to get up to sit with him. "Qing..."
Qing shook his head. "An affair? That's no..."
"They bought a house together. Near the academy where the man works. Away from the hospital the friend built after he became a doctor." I bravely forged on the story.
"Dayu ah!" Qing clicked the lampshade on and turned his back on me. I felt tears gather in my eyes as I watch the rigid back of my lover.
Then I heard Qing chuckling. "Of all the crazy thing...an affair? An affair when they were both married with children..."
"And grandchildren," I added to his statement.
Qing stood up fast to turn and give me a wide eyed look. "What?!"
I nodded, "The affair lasted for eleven years. At the middle of it, both their sons got married and produced children. Two sons as well. The man and the woman will sometimes take their grandchildren in the house they bought together to watch them play and pretend...pretend that they are married to each other and the grandchildren were wholly theirs." I felt sad at that part of the story.
"They even used their grandchildren to conduct their affair?" Qing clearly find the thought disturbing and disgusting.
"Qing...we don't know what the man and the woman were thinking that time. This story..."
"Is just a story, right?" Qing sat on the bed and gave me a pleading look. "Dayu ah, this is just a story, right? A fiction. Not true. Not real. Huh?"
I nodded, "It's just a story, Qing." I also wish that this is just a story. A fiction...not based on the truth.
But Qing's eyes told me that he is also not convinced about that. He took a deep breath and stared straight into my eyes. "What happened next?"
"The woman planned to divorce her husband. She asked the man if he will do the same so they can finally be free to be together. Their sons are grown already with families of their own, it's time that they think of themselves and not them. The woman it seems, was ready to abandon her family for the man she loves and only loved."
"She..." Qing closed his eyes in despair. "She is a bitch..."
"Qing, don't say that..." I begged him. He already called the friend a rapist...I don't want him to add more pain in his heart.
"And so? What did the man do?"
"He agreed with her...at first. He said yes to the woman's plan until he realized what he will lose if he will run away with her. His prestige, his reputation, his name, his social status...his son and grandson. He got cold feet. But the woman had made up her mind, she will leave her family and declare her love for the man she truly loves. It will create a scandal that scared the man enough for him to pick up the phone and call...the woman's husband..."
Qing blinked at me. "He called the husband? His former friend. He called him?"
I nodded, "To stop the woman. The man asked his former friend to stop the woman."
"So the man confessed to the woman's husband about their affair? Rubbing it on the husband's face? The coward...the spineless bastard." Qing muttered darkly.
"Yes. He was a coward. The man..." I look down as I felt shame for that man.
"And then what happened?" Qing asked with a rigid tone and face expression.
"The woman's husband stopped her. They have a son, he said. They have a grandson, he said. Their hospitals are booming. They were on their way to having a real impact on the medical world. The woman's husband won't let his wife go."
"But she sounded determined to go. She is crazy for the man she loves..."
I nodded, "She was that reckless, insecure eighteen year old girl again. That girl who was madly in love with the boy that she thinks was taken from her when she suddenly got pregnant and had to choose her son. She became unreasonable and hard to convince to see sense. The man got scared of her and decided to avoid her. Unfortunately for him, the heavens handed him a perfect reason to leave the country. The man's wife got sick..."
"Fuck," Qing gave me a pained look.
"Fuck indeed," I nodded in agreement to that sentiment. "The man took his whole family abroad, seeking medical miracle for his wife as well as avoiding the woman who is insisting that they should run away together. He spent his wife's remaining days sitting by her side. Showing everyone what a devoted husband he is. When the wife passes away, the man remained abroad and didn't come home until his former friend assured him that the woman finally gave up her desire to run away with him."
"Fucking bastard..." Qing's hands fisted like he wants to punch someone. "How did the woman's husband convinced her to stop her madness?"
"He threatened to reveal the truth to their son. How he was conceived by what you implied as...rape," I hesitated on the last part when I saw anger piercing on my lover's eyes. "And reveal to their son the affair his mother is having with her former sweetheart." I said regretfully.
Qing gave out a hollow laugh again. "Another fucking bastard."
I winced at that, "The woman remained with her family. The man avoided them. The woman's husband continued to work hard to form a reputation for himself. The woman's health started declining. If your heart is broken...the poison on it will spread across your body. She lost her zest for life and she got sick and died with her husband and family by her side. The two men, the former friends, were left to live and hate each other. The end..."
As I came do the end of the story, I was assaulted of the fact that it's really such a sad thing.
I slowly slid down on the bed and patted the empty space beside me. "Come on, the story has ended, we can sleep now." I told Qing who remained sitting at the edge of the bed.
Qing sniffed and followed my advise. He laid down beside me and stared at the ceiling.
"They were all fucking crazy..." he said with pure sadness in his tone. "The girl and the friend, they were fucking crazy..."
"They were," I agreed. "We can make excuses for them, say they were young and stupid...but it won't change the fact that they both made mistakes that night they got drunk..."
"She should never have married him," Qing said with a tightness on his tone.
"Maybe..."
"And that boy...that man...he is a coward." Qing turned his head to stare at me. "A fucking coward. You don't touch a woman married to someone else. You don't! That's wrong! Even if that woman didn't love her husband...even so!"
"Qing calm down..." I touched his arm in a comforting way.
"Fuck calming down!" Qing's breath came faster and harder. He is worked up about my story. "Those people in your story...if I meet their younger versions I will..."
"What will you say to them?" That made me so curious. What will Qing say to the people who made mistakes and lived in sadness and hate because of the mistakes they did.
"I will say that it's...that love is..." Qing gave me a conflicted stares. "What can we say to them? Their circumstances are fucked..."
I nodded, "It's not the people but their circumstances. We were not there, Qing. Who are we to judge them? If you are married when I met you...I cannot guarantee that I will not love you and start an affair with you. I am not justify that affair or their other actions, I am just saying..."
"It's sad, their story was sad..." Qing concluded.
I nodded, "And we are lucky that it's not our story. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Qing...they are flawed after all. The people in my story, they are not perfect. I think, we have to accept that."
Qing sighed, he slid closer to pull me against his body. "I think your story is fascinating but I don't think we should share it to everyone."
"Yes, you are right." I agreed readily at his suggestion. "Let's not tell this story to anyone. It's just a story anyways. Nothing truly important."
I hugged Qing back lay my head against his collarbone. I inhaled his scent and closed my eyes.
Their story is not our story. Their story is in the past. I don't like that past. My present is Qing. I want my future to be with him as well.
It's just a story. Nothing truly important...