(SENGYOU)
I set aside the issue of Chen LuBao and his obssession to love as I entered back into our home after that coffee break with LuBao, AhnZong and LiYan to look for my brother.
Something is wrong with Qing. I know. I am confident about it.
The problem is I cannot pinpoint what exactly is wrong with him. And when I try to talk to my family. All they say is...
"Give your brother time, SengYou. He just came from a painful break up. He will need time to heal and be himself again."
That.
And Wowo has something more to add to that.
"Your brother will get through this. Don't worry. As long as he is not meeting that Feng boy again, everything will be well."
My family is blind about Qing. They are reducing what my brother is going through as a simple heartbreak.
But I know, something more is going on. I know my brother. Qing is not someone who will seat and do nothing. Qing also is not known for his patience.
But now, my brother is acting both. Doing nothing and being patient.
That is so wrong. In so many levels.
I saw Qing in our study room. The doors are opened and he is standing while cradling the landline phone on one hand and pressing the receiver on his ear with another hand.
I don't know who he is talking to but I highly doubt that it's Dayu. For one, Qing doesn't look happy while talking to the person on the other end of the line. He looked determined though.
"Yes. I understand. Good. I will expect it. Okay. Bye," that is all I heard on his end of the conversation before Qing put down the phone. He looks at me.
"Who is it?" I asked casually as I strode inside the study.
"One of my bosses. He is asking when I can come back to work," Qing answered easily.
"You should go back tomorrow." I said.
"Nah," The corners of Qing's lips lifted a little as he shook his head. "I am enjoying my break..."
I nodded, "I think you are enjoying it too much. Now, if you will just take your convertible car for a spin or two outside in this beautiful weather, I might start believing you."
Qing gave me a surprised look before he barked a laughter. "Gege...stop..."
"No! You stop," my patience is finally snapping. I strode to get closer to my baby brother and regard him closely. "What are you up to, Wang Qing? What are you doing?"
Qing stared back at me. I am taller than him by at least two inches, but Qing was never intimidated by anyone. We were raised not to be intimidated by anyone. We were raised to always held our heads high, proud and prideful.
We are Wangs after all.
So I am not surprised when my baby brother stared back at me in full confidence. "Why do you think I am doing something?" He asked with that little smile on his lips.
I want to punch his face. Or hug him. Qing is clearly hurting. And he is pissed. Angry. Mad.
I am only not sure to whom he is mad with. With us. Or with himself.
I don't know what to do, punch him or hug him, so I settled into looking in his eyes. Flinching at the fierceness in them. "Because I am your brother. What do I don't know about you?"
Qing's eyes mellowed. He nodded. "Yes, we are brothers."
"And we promised to be there for each other. Remember?" I smiled at Qing. "When I was afraid and hurting after what happened to me. When I first got here, we were always fighting. I was mad. You got mad with me. I want to hurt someone, you wrestled with me. I want to run away. You ran away with me. Qing ah," I touched my brother's arm. "Talk to me. Gege is here..."
"Yes." Qing nodded. "You are my Gege. But you see Gege..." he sighed. "I also thought that we don't have secrets from each other. I thought we can talk about everything. I thought we are so important to each other. But I think we were wrong. I think I was wrong. In so many things."
I cannot follow his words.
"What are you talking about?" I cannot understand my brother.
Qing gave me a long stare. Then he shook his head. "Nothing, Gege. Don't mind me too much. Live for yourself. You should start looking for someone to meet our family. But don't be like me. Find someone our family will love." He smiled encouragingly at me.
I sighed. Then chuckled, "You think this is the time for love? When you are not done acting crazy? Nah. I will do love later. When you are finished moping around and having mysterious calls. When you start being you again, then I might start dating and..." I stopped when a face suddenly entered my head. My breath hitched and I think my heart stopped beating for a second before resuming to work.
I moaned in despair. "Nope. Not gonna date..."
"What? Why?" Qing looked at curiously. "Do you have someone in mind you want to date? Who?"
"No one! I am not gonna date him!" I exclaimed loudly that surprised Qing. "Why are you shouting at me?" He asked pensively.
I shook my head. "Nothing. Just...go back to being normal. For fuck's sake!" I hissed at my brother before storming out of the study room.
I went up to my room on the second floor of our home. I passed a hand on my tired face. I think I can handle a ward filled with sick people well than tackle this issue of Qing and that guy who suddenly popped into my head.
I am thinking about him now? What?
No! No! I will not date that guy even if my whole family approves of him because his mother is close to my mother.
No. I will not date Chen LuBao. I am still in possession of my faculty. I am
still sane.
I will not date. I will not fall in love. Look at what love does to my baby brother.
Fuck love. Fuck this.
Ugh! I am tired.
Why does Qing had to say something about love and dating? He is giving me a headache. Sometimes, my baby brother can really try my patience.
.........................
(FENG ZHUTUAN)
I stopped in front of Yu's opened door to gaze at my son sitting in front of the mirror mounted on his dresser to stare at the his new body addition.
Three days ago, Yu invited an experienced tattoo artist and ear piercer to get holes on his earlobes.
For one tense second, we thought our son will put images on his body but it turns out all Yu wanted is some ear piercings.
He got three holes in his ears now. On both lobes and on the upper part of his left ear.
But right now, only the lobes has earrings.
"Do you like them very much?" I asked my son as I slowly walked inside his room.
Yu stopped admiring his image on the mirror to turn around and give me a big smile.
"Yes. I like them," he said, a happy little flush on his cheeks. "I always wanted to put earrings. Grammy left me some of her more simple stud earrings but I never get to wear them. Now, look...this is Grammy's gold loops."
I was silenced in surprise at what my son said. "Your Grammy left you some earrings?" I didn't know that.
"Yes," Yu nodded. "Bracelets and necklaces too. All in more feminine design."
"I see..." I stared at my son. "So you are telling the truth. Your Grammy knew about..."
"About me?" Yu frowned. Then he nodded, "Yes. I already told you, she knows. She once let me wear a dress, you know. She understood me."
"I see..." that is all I can say. Truly.
My own dead mother, understood my son. When I, as Yu's father, couldn't even fathom what my son is going through.
"I miss Grammy," Yu said before going back to facing his mirror.
I nodded. I sat on the foot of Yu's bed. "I miss her too," I said.
At what I said, Yu turned to me again. With a big smile on his face. I smile back at my son.
It's almost a rare occassion now. Seeing Yu smile genuinely. He has been dressing differently, acting way out of his normal way. Now, Yu's door is almost always open. For my son, he doesn't have to hide his negligees and flimsy stockings anymore. His headbands and make ups and other accessories.
For Yu, his time of hiding things and feelings are over.
In a way, I feel proud of my son for standing for himself. In another, I am like his mother, scared of this torrent of changes my son is showing to us.
But MiLen and I, we decided to just let Yu be who he needs to be inside our home. It's hard to see our son cooping inside our mansion but it's scarier to think what Yu will experience if he goes out there while looking like her.
Dayu. That's her name.
Dayu. It still sounded like a boy's name but their is something soft about it. Jian Yu is a strong boy name. We want our son to have a strong name that is why we chose Jian Yu.
But I am slowly realizing that I don't know anything about Dayu at all. At the same tume, I am learning that Jian Yu is also a stranger to me.
It's a sad thought. To conclude that I don't know my son at all.
His wanting of piercings for a long time. The jewelries my mother left to him. The lacy clothes, the floral perfumes, the make ups and silky robes.
I have no idea. About the many and million things I don't know about Yu.
"Baba. Why are you staring at me like that?" Yu's question woke me from my mussings.
"Nothing son. I just..." wonder how lonely you have been all these time? Hiding on your own. And still, you are here. "I am just marveling at how strong your name is. Jian Yu."
Yu sighed, "Yes. Thanks to you and Mama, I had lived with a strong name attached to me. Thank you."
"You don't have to thank us. You know what your Mama and I had gone through to have you. What a miracle you are. A true blessing."
"Yes. I know, Baba. You told me so many times. How Mama suffered from miscarriages and a stillborn before having me..." Yu nodded.
Yes. My son is aware of the hardship we had gone through while waiting for me.
But I think I am now seeing what we gain through those hardships. For a long time, MiLen and I remember the hard times of concepting and disappointment when those miscarriages happened.
I think now, we should look at what we gained. We gained Yu. A wonderful son. I smiled at my son.
"The earrings look good on you, Yu ah." I said.
Yu flinched in surprise. "Really? They look good on me?" He asked, unsure.
I nodded. "They suit you." I stood up and walked closer to my son. I lightly touch his head. Patting it gently. "I think you are maturing, Yu ah."
Yu gazed up at me. "Yes. I think you are right, Baba. I am maturing."
And you have been patient, Son. Very patient.
I'm sorry, Yu ah. We gained a wonderful and patient son, but you have us. Parents who are having a hard time understanding you.
I stared down at my son. Uttering a silent wish.
That all of Yu's patience will be rewarded in the end.
And for my son to be happy.
"Will you join us again for breakfast?" Yu is eating a lot better now compared to last week. And I also feel glad that on most mealtime, Yu is joining us. He rarely talks but he is at least there and eating.
"Yes, Baba. In truth, I want to spend more time with you, Mama and Grampy. I think it's time that we get to know each other again. I am cooped up here in the house, might as well make it worth my while," Yu said.
I sighed, "You can get out, Son. Go buy your supplies, go to a cafe, maybe walk around. You can go. Just stay safe and come back home..."
Yu shook his head, "I don't feel like going outside anyway," he said. "I want to stay here and spend time with my family."
"Then I will be glad to spend more time with you," I smiled at Yu. "I will also tell this to your Mama and Grampy. They will surely love this news."
"Yes, Baba." Yu gave me another smile. I start feeling better in my chest.
Maybe Yu is slowly getting better from that break up with Wang Qing.
Yes. I think Yu is slowly going back to normal. It will just take a little time.
I think Yu is not the only one who needs to be patient. I think I have to be patient too. Because Yu is finally showing signs of getting better.
I really wish my son will finally forget about Wang Qing, so he can get on with his life.