(DAYU)
It was a bizarre weekend for me. That disastrous meet up with my family and Qing's family is on the front concern of my mind, but I still have a job to do, papers to grade and lessons to plan and write.
If my personal life sucks, I might as well organize my professional life. That's a goal at least.
Because God knows, my goal of my family accepting me, and in the process, accepting my relationship with Qing is going nowhere.
It is worse than being in a stand still.
My family is being deaf to my arguements and explanations. The whole afternoon and night yesterday, I tried approaching anyone of them but they are all shaking their heads even before I can open my mouth.
I hate this situation.
So to rebel, or whatever, I decided to leave home early Monday morning and write my lessons at the Academy.
And message Qing nonstop.
Me: Can we meet?
Qing: I want to. Where should we meet?
Me: In the library.
Qing: Good idea. Lunch time?
Me: Yes. I think I will cut my day in half today. I feel a migraine coming.
Qing: Shall we visit a hospital? Have you eaten breakfast?
Me: Yes. I have taken some medicines too. I am hoping it will work. But I guess I am feeling too much stress.
Qing: Oh sweetheart. What can I do?
Me: You can make do of your promise to meet me at lunchtime and hug me.
Qing: I will. See you later. I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Talking to Qing takes away some of my headache. He brings comfort to me. And the thought of seeing him again, hugging him, is giving me energy.
Yes. I just have to go through the morning hours. By midnoon, I will feel Qing's arms around me again.
I need him. So badly.
AhnZong frowned when he learned that I have gone to work early. "Is it bad?" He asked while we got into a quiet corner with our drinks from a vending machine.
I nodded. AhnZong winced, "How bad?"
"Truly bad," I said tiredly. "I think Grampy knows Qing's grandfather and they hate each other."
AhnZong choked on his coffee and coughed. "Your...his...what?"
I repeated what I said then sighed. "Hey, AhnZong ah, when did my life started sounding like a tragic play? This is not Romeo and Juliet..."
"Tell me about it," AhnZong patted my shoulder in sympathy. "And so...what is your plan now? Can't they really accept you?"
I look at my friend, "They are promising to consider accepting my sexuality. Baba is talking to Grampy. But I think I am being greedy, AhnZong ah. I want them to accept me AND accept Qing as well. Before, I consider it a miracle if they will even consider hearing me out about her. But now, in all honesty, I would rather keep her hidden as long as they will accept Qing in my life. I will forget being a girl. Gay will do. As long as they will give Qing and I a chance..."
It hurts. Because I want her to be heard. I want them to see that she is not that bad. But if I have a choice, I will choose Qing over her.
It hurts but I think she will understand. It hurts but I am willing to sacrifice her to be with Qing.
"But Baba is already saying that Qing is non negotiable." I said to AhnZong. "That they will consider letting me be who I want to be but will never accept Qing in my life." I gave my friend an agonized look. "What should I do?"
"What did Wang Qing said?" AhnZong asked me back.
"I don't know. But we will meet later. In the library bookshop. Lunchtime." I said.
"Then that is good," AhnZong smiled a little at me. But with worry still in his eyes. "Talk to Wang Qing first. See what is going on with his family. I think you both have to retreat a little and formulate a new plan. The first plan was good but..."
"But the end result was a disaster," I supplied the rest of his sentence. "Who would have thought that our grandfathers know each other? I didn't saw that coming. That they have a history."
"Yeah, no one had seen that coming." AhnZong nodded in agreement. "Shall I accompany you later?" My friend asked.
I frowned at him, "Why? The library store is just twenty minutes away from here..."
"Well..." AhnZong winced. "I just have this thought..."
"What thought?" I continued to frown at him.
AhnZong sighed as he stared at me. "Why are you so innocent...? Tsk tsk. Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but your family is controlling, Yu."
I nodded, "Yeah. I know that. I know that now. More than any other time, I think I understand now how controlling they are."
"Yeah...well...have you also considered thinking that now that you are, quote and quote "rebelling" against them, that they won't put double efforts in watching your every move?"
"What do you mean?" I am having a bad feeling about the direction this idea of AhnZong. "You mean..."
AhnZong nodded, "What if they started putting people to tail you?" He said.
I felt more weight pressed down on my chest and mind. "AhnZong ah..." I moaned in distress to my friend.
"It's a valid point, Yu ah. This place, this academy, is like a Big Brother house to you. Everyone here is employed by your family. Everyone is spying on you. Your grandfather and parents can call anyone and ask where you have been, what you have been doing, who you are meeting, and they will give out informations about you. Because your family is signing all our paychecks here. And making the boss happy has it's compensations." AhnZong pointed out.
I winced, "Then don't take this the wrong way too, but are you one of their..."
"I don't know." AhnZong said. "Will I sell you out...depends on the price..."
"Hey!" I tried kicking my friend's shin but AhnZong evaded my foot, chuckling amusedly. "Really, AhnZong ah..."
"I am just saying...be careful, Yu ah. That is why I am volunteering to come with you...to be a lookout." AhnZong shrugged, "Or at least to make sure no one is tailing you..."
I narrowed my eyes on him, "What if you are the tail or the spy?" I hummed suspiciously at him.
AhnZong laughed. Tickled, "Like James Bond. I like that..." he laughed again.
I gave up on him. He is crazy. "Thank you," I sighed and smiled to my friend. "For looking out for me. For being a good friend."
"I firmly believe in the saying that a person essentially needs just one good friend and he is set for life. I never considered myself as someone's good friend...but it's not a bad feeling, Yu ah. Being a good friend to you..." AhnZong smiled at me. His smile giving him a more easygoing and youthful look.
"I want that too. To be someone's good friend. Someone who can be a support to a friend who will need me," I think that will be such a priviledge. To have someone trust you implicitly as you support them wholeheartedly.
"Don't worry," AhnZong pats my shoulder, "One day, a pipe in my kitchen will burst and my whole unit will get soaked in water, I will call you to help me clean out everything. You are such a good friend, Yu ah."
"You!" I couldn't help myself, I laughed at his lame attempt at humor. AhnZong laughed with me.
I feel a bit better after having those laughs with him.
And I said yes to him accompanying me to meet Qing later for lunch.
......................
(QING)
Meeting Dayu this way is not a new thing for me. Meeting him in secrecy is not something I mind to do.
As long as I am meeting him.
When I received that message from him, finally asking to meet me in the library where Dayu loves to hang out and read, I felt relieved and happy.
Dayu still wants to see me.
And since I am wondering what happened to him and his family after that disastrous meet up yesterday, the eagerness to see him doubled inside me.
What I didn't expect is AhnZong being with Dayu.
"Why are you here too?" I asked the two of them curiously.
Dayu winced. And then AhnZong told me about his latest conspiracy theory about Dayu's family.
My eyes widened, "You think they will employ someone just to tail Dayu around. Hey, this is real life, not a drama series..."
"Tell me honestly," AhnZong cut my words. "Does that idea never entered your mind?" He asked me.
I look at Dayu who bowed his head to stare at his shoes. I sighed, "Sure. I get it," this is all mind boogling really.
"Better safe than sorry, I'd say." AhnZong smiled at us. "If no one is observing Dayu's every move, that is great. I am just here for insurance."
"Thank you, AhnZong ah." Dayu smiled at his friend.
"Yeah, thank you." I truly appreciate what AhnZong is doing. Looking after Dayu's welfare.
"You're welcome. The two of you." AhnZong waved his hand. "What are you waiting for, go to a corner to talk," he urged us.
Dayu and I smiled at each other and was about to do what AhnZong said when the old lady manning the cash register spoke up behind me.
"Stop talking in corners. If you want to be concealed, help me do the inventory," she said while squinting at us behind her reading glasses. The old lady is short, thin but with her back still straight and clearly thinking well. "Here is the key, go to the storage room and count books for me there." She threw the key on me. I even fumbled catching it. "You," she pointed at AhnZong, "Join me for lunch."
AhnZong laughed, "How did you know that I am into older women, Ma'am? You are totally my style...AW!" AhnZong stopped his teasing when the old lady smacked a wooden ruler on his head. "Join me for lunch. And shut that glib mouth of yours. I am a nun."
Dayu and I chuckled as we watch AhnZong follow the old lady, still sprouting nonsense like..."Ma'am, so if you are not a nun, I have chance? Do we have a chance?"
Dayu and I laughed at AhnZong's antics. Then we nodded at each other and went to search for a door with "storage room" labeled on it. We entered the room that smells new books and crisped papers. We opened the lights. Then we hug each other.
I hugged Dayu tight into my body. Not wanting to let him go.
"Are you okay?" I murmured against Dayu's temple.
"No," is Dayu's muffled reply as he put his face against my neck.
His answer totally calmed me down. "Thank you, sweetheart. For being honest. I am not okay too. I feel like someone who had jumped into a rabbit hole and now my world is upside down."
Dayu and I sat on the stacked books and exchanged stories. What we had been through after our families found out about us are quite similar yet different at the same time.
"Your Wowo asked you to save him? To choose him over me?" Dayu was amazed after hearing my story.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Much like how your father asked you to keep your family intact."
We both sat there in a gloomy atmosphere. Both sighing.
"What should we do?" Dayu asked me.
I gave him a helpless stare. Because the truth is..."I don't know. I don't know what we can do aside from asking our grandfathers what the fuss is all about. Why they hate each other."
"Yes," Dayu nodded. "I am curious about that too. Grampy never mentioned your Wowo or family to us. I think my parents had no idea about this too...is this a feud going on between them?" He seemed as confuse as me.
"I don't know what to call it except it looks serious." I took Dayu's hand. "Be strong, okay? Just be strong. Maybe we can keep our heads down for a moment until we have more informations."
Dayu gave me a worried stares, "I can keep my head down. But what if they prohibit us to see each other. Wait, they already did that. They don't want me to meet you and I'll bet your family doesn't like it too if we meet."
He will be right.
"I don't care. I will see you when I want to see you." I said, full of bravado. "Until they gave me a valid reason to stay away from you, I will keep on meeting you. I don't care if we have to be more careful or plan our meetings more thoroughly. Be more discreet, that is fine. I have to see you..." I raised Dayu's hand to kiss his palm.
Dayu smiled. "Me too," he said simply. My shy sweetheart sure have a way with his words.
I lean forward to kiss him. Dayu closed his eyes as he kissed me back. He stood up so he can stand before me, between my legs. I enveloped him in my arms again.
To hell with everyone outside of this storage room. Right here, this moment, this is my reason for living. Being with Dayu, keeps me alive.
And I won't let anyone, even our families, take that away from us.