(QING)
I was surprised when Dayu asked to meet me just a day after spending the weekend with me.
It's an early Tuesday night when I pick him up on our usual spot, in front of the arcade complex.
I took him to Tee's restaurant. I also have a share on this establishment. But I don't involve myself with anything on this business. I respect Tee's talent for cooking and management to dip my finger in this restaurant. I just let myself enjoy the profits I earned from putting my money in the initial investment for Tee's restaurant.
Tee readied a private booth for us. He even went out of the kitchen to say hello to Dayu who gave Tee a warm smile as well.
But when we were left alone, a worried look appear on Dayu's face again. The same worried look he got when I picked him up awhile ago.
I reached across the table to hold his hand. It's cold, "What is wrong?" I asked Dayu. Feeling a little worried myself.
Dayu winced at me, "Baba found out," he said.
"Found out? What?" I frowned as I contemplate the meaning of his words. Then my eyes widened, "About us?"
Dayu nodded, "He saw me getting out of your car last Sunday. He saw us kissing,"
"Fuck," I let go of his hand to grab a handful of my hair at the back of my head. "And...what happened?"
Dayu sighed, shoulders slumping. "He confronted me. We talked."
"And..." I know there is more. For Dayu to look this downcast. "Did your Baba got mad at you?"
"No," Dayu gave me a sad look. "No, he didn't get mad. Not violently, at least. I wish he got mad. But no, instead I feel like he is truly disappointed at me. Yesterday, he went out early, instead of having breakfast with us, like he use to do."
"Oh sweetheart," I took Dayu's hand again. I even stood up to sit beside him so I can pull him closer and made Dayu lean on me. "Are you okay?"
"No," Dayu is being honest. "Baba adviced me to start thinking about how to confess all these to Mama and Grampy. He promised support though. He said, he will handle Grampy for me."
"But your Mama..."
"Will be a different matter." Dayu sighed. "Baba wants me to be honest with Mama and answer all her questions, because by God, she will have lots of questions."
I could imagine. I held Dayu closer and he leaned his head on my shoulder. "I don't know what to do. I am scared. But I also know that I cannot delay anymore. It will be unfair to everyone involve. My family, your family, you..."
"Dayu, don't think about me..."
"How?" Dayu leaned out to stare up at me. "When you are the one person constantly on my mind. How can I not think about you?"
That made me smile. "You are constantly in my mind too,"
We smiled at each other. We only look away from each other's eyes when someone cleared his throat. Tee stood by the booth, "Shall we serve your dinner now?"
Dayu blushed and straightened on his seat while I grinned at my friend. "I feel extra special now. Will the chef personally serve our food?"
"I will charge you extra for this, don't be too happy," Tee and I laughed good naturedly as Tee, with the assistance of his staff, started putting dishes on the table. Tee even poured the wine on our glasses. Then he dismissed his staff. "Is everything okay?" He asked us while staring at Dayu.
"Not really. But we will resolve it," I said before glancing at Dayu who nodded at me.
Tee nodded, "Well, whatever it is, as long as you have someone to tackle it and resolve it together, it will be easier. Believe me..."
I believe him. Because I know Tee and what he had gone through.
"Enjoy your dinner." Tee winked at Dayu before leaving us.
"It will be okay," I said to Dayu as I moved plates around so we can start to eat. "Let's eat and gather energy. It looks like we have works ahead of us." I held out my wine glass to Dayu.
"Yes," Dayu picked his own glass to clink against mine. We drank wine together and smiled. "Let's eat. If nothing else, we have to stay positive."
"Right! Positive. At least now, we can plan." I said.
Dayu nodded before taking his utensils. We started eating.
...........................
(DAYU)
"Thank you," I gratefully took the pastry bag and cups of drinks from Qing when he passed it to me as he got inside the car.
After the delicious dinner in Chef Tee's restaurant, Qing and I decided to have a talk while having after dinner coffee and tea with sweet pastries.
We stopped in a cafe and Qing went out to order our drinks. He started the car and drove around the city a little until we found a quiet spot where we can talk. It's near the river and bridge where we can see the cars passing by in light traffic.
"Do you know, not all of me feel scared." I found myself speaking to break the silence. "A part of me feels absolute relief that someone found out about us."
"Dayu..."
I sighed, "I mean sure, I have to man up and face my grandfather and mother to tell them the truth but still...no more hiding. No more lying..." I turned my body so I face Qing, "I feel free. Finally. Worrying about what my mother's reaction will be tough but still...this will end all my lies."
And I think that makes everything worthwhile. Lying, I think is taking a toll on me that I didn't realized it's growing heavier and heavier.
Now...I feel a lot lighter. Someone already found out. I am getting ready to confess it all. It's...an exhilarating feeling.
"Oh sweetheart." Qing took my hand. "Will explaining to your mother be really hard?" he asked. "Why are you so cautious about her feelings?"
I sighed, "She loves me so much. I am an only child, after all. In actuality, she almost died having me. It took her and Baba several years and two miscarriages before I was successfully brought out to the world. My mother...she got to the brink of death to have me. An heir for my Grampy and Baba."
"I see," Qing nodded. "And she will not approve of us? You think?"
I stared at my lover, "Not because she doesn't like a son with a man for a lover. It's because my father's family is ultraconservative, they are the ones who will not understand why I am with you. My mother is scared that I will fall from my father's family's grace and my inheritance be forfeited."
Qing finds that interesting, "You can be disown?"
"Not exactly," I said. "More like, they will look elsewhere to leave the schools behind, and that is akin to putting a stake on my mother's heart. I think you have to know her origin to be able to understand her fear. You see, my mother is an only child too. A woman in a family who thinks only men can manage the business..."
"Your mother's family has a business too?" Qing frowned.
"A big publishing house." I said. "But my mother disassociated herself from her family and their business because the rein was not given to her even if her father was the former Chairman on that business. My maternal grandfather left the business to his nephew, my mother's cousin. All because she is a woman and percieved to be too weak willed to ran a multi million publishing house."
"Ouch," Qing winced. "That must stung your mother's pride."
I nodded, "My mother felt cheated of her inheritance. She was from the direct line of the founder of that business. Always on the first born of her family. But it stopped with her because...she is a girl. My mother...she took pride on the fact that I am a man."
"Fuck," Qing said. I look away from him. "She will never accept her...my inner me. After so much hardships, she finally bore a son that my father's family will not overlook to inherit the schools, she will never let me be a girl." That's the sad truth. My mother...will not just object to my inner self, she will violently oppose it.
She experienced the disadvantages of being a girl. How to be overlooked and robbed of her rights to an inheritance. She bore a son, and is confident that because I am a man, I will get what was denied to her by her family.
If I reveal my inner self again, my mother will oppose, 100%. Without any doubt.
"I see," Qing scratches his chin. "Then I should be kind to her. I should convince her to like me."
"She will like you," I said to Qing.
"She will?"
I nodded, "She likes confident people. Competent people. And you are that. Plus the fact that you have accomplished a lot, my mother will love you..."
"But..." Qing frowned.
"But not as a lover of her son." I replied regretfully. "Especially if we will push the other side of me. My inner self. The real me. If she will learn that you are encouraging me to be true to myself, then you will top her hated list. You will be against her cause. To have a son she will mold to inherit my family's business. A son...not a daughter."
Qing grew silent for some moments, "What about your father and grandfather?"
"Oh, well...like I said, they are ultra conservative. I don't think they're bigotry is so severe but, I am not confident that they will accept us." I said honestly. "My father is promising support, I feel a little hope about that. Grampy...we'll have to see. He is not that easy to convince too."
"Fuck," Qing sighed. Then he looked at me, "Let's break up..."
I think my heart when he said those words. I sat up straighter on the passenger side of his car. "You want to...what?" Did I heard him right?
Qing shrugged, "Let's break up. The stacks are too high. They will all oppose to us. Or..."
"Or...?"
Qing grinned, "Let's run away together," he winked at me. Then Qing started laughing.
He...is infuriating. I found my hands flying to smack his shoulder and arm. Anything I can reach. Playful smacks, sure, but I am still irritated at him.
"Ah! Ah! Dayu ah!" He tried covering himself but I still managed to give a hard smack on the back of his head before I stopped.
"Can you be serious for one second?" I hate him.
Qing straigtened himself, "I'm serious though. Let's runaway together. Buy a private house near a beach. Live together. Just us. We will swim in the morning and fuck in the sea. At night..."
"We will fuck as well?" I frowned, "Won't we be too tired? Fucking all day..." I grumbled.
Qing stared at me, with wonder in his eyes. Then he smiled and that smile turned to laughter. Loud laughters. He is laughing again. "Why are you a sex addict? We already fuck in the morning, you are still expecting sex at night? Have some mercy on me, Dayu ah. I get tired too..."
I felt my whole face warming up at what he is indicating.
"I...who is the sex addict?!" I stammered. Wang Qing is really...wow. "That is not what I meant..."
I didn't get to finish what I was saying because Qing pulled me inside his arms for a comforting hug, "Shhh, I understand. You don't have to say more. You like sex now, I understand..."
What is he understanding about? Wow...he is making me speechless.
"You..." I tried to get out of his hug but Qing just held me tighter.
"Oh my Dayu ah. My poor Dayu ah. So sex deprived. Don't worry, I will start taking more vitamins and food supplements to keep up with your voracious appetite for fucking. I will do my best." Qing let me go to show me a determined face and a fisted hand. "Fighting!"
"What?!" He...oh my...
Qing laughed again. He is so tickled. I sighed as I watch him laugh, bite his lips and gaze at me teasingly.
Fine, I will let him be happy now. I like listening to his laughter anyways. But once he is done laughing, he better set the record straight.
I am not a sex addict! Stupid Wang Qing!
"What should we do?" I asked Qing after his merriment had passed.
"What else can we do? Let's arrange a meeting between our families. My family already know I am seeing someone. Your Baba already saw me. So...let's do this." Qing shrugged.
"Just like that?" Is that wise?
"Well, your father said we shouldn't dally. So let's not dally. Let's do this," Qing gave me an intent stare.
I think for some moments then I nod, "You are right. Let's do this." I agreed with his decision.
We have to move forward. Like I said to my Baba, Qing is a part of me now. I only have two options, show my family my true self or lose Qing. The first one, I am still not confident to so. But the second choice is...I won't even contemplate about that.
I don't want to lose Qing. So in actuality, my choice is easy. It's a no brainer.
I have to make a stand now, about myself and about my relationship with Qing.
The time of lying and hiding are finally over. In a way, it's a relief for me. I cannot continue lying anymore. It's already weighing on me physically, emotionally and mentally.
I woke up from thinking when I felt Qing taking my hand. I turn my head to look at him. Qing smiled at me, "I am here. It will be okay."
I nodded. Yes. Qing is with me. He gave me courage. I feel brave when I am beside him.
I can do this. We can do this. We have to. For us.