(DAYU)
The next two weeks after that weekend that I shopped with AhnZong had become hectic. Exam week is fast approaching and I had to dig deep inside me to concentrate on teaching. Being a teacher is, of course, still important to me.
But it was hard. Especially when I have a big distraction on my hands. He is 6'3, muscular and handsome to boot.
Wang Qing is not just a big distraction. He is the motherload of getting attention.
So my solution was to impose a rule of keeping Qing away from me for the time being.
Oh, I call him Qing now. He insisted upon it.
"Wang Qing is a bit...too formal." Qing whined when I called him by his full name like I usually do.
"Well, what should I call you?" I asked him.
Qing grinned at me, "Sweetheart. Like how I call you. Or Honey will do. Love. Babe...Darling?"
I threatened to leave him. Qing pulled me back into his arms while we were inside his car, parked at the riverside, near a jogging lane.
"Qing will do. Just drop my surname. It sounded like we are doing a business transaction when you call me by my whole name. Or I feel like one of your students when you are deducting a point from them."
"Qing..." I tested his name on my lips. I smiled. "Qing. I like it. Qing ah,"
We laughed together. "Is Wang Qing really too formal?" I asked.
"Yes. And we are not like that. You already know what I want to do to your butthole. We cannot get as informal as that..."
I almost smacked his head. Qing is truly good at teasing me. He will laugh when he teased me. And then cuddle me to make up for his mischiveousness.
We will kiss too. Qing kiss me as much as he can. He said, it's for me. To accustom me to his kisses.
"You have kissable lips. Of course, I would love to kiss them as much as the opportunity arises." Is his defense.
"Do I really have kissable lips?" I asked him in wonder. "I don't feel like having kissable lips though..."
"It's because you didn't pay attention to yourself that much. You don't have an idea how hot you are. How beautiful. It's okay. I am here. We can remedy that." Qing assured me.
But I thought the lessons had to wait because like I said, exam week is approaching and I want to focus on my students and subject. On teaching...
Qing agreed. He promised not to be a great distraction on me while I am working. Besides, he also has his work and being a director of a big brewery is no joke. Qing is busy too.
But these past two weeks had taught me something. It taught me that Qing is someone who can find ways to do what he wants even though he is busy. Or even if we are apart.
Reading Qing's messages had been a norm to me. He will message me almost religiously. Every morning, after he woke up. Before he left his home to work. During lunch break. Before I leave the school for home. And lastly, before he sleeps.
He said, he wanted to greet me first every morning. Assured me that he will drive safely to get to work. Remind me to eat my lunch. Asked me to be careful on my way home. And wish me goodnight and sweet dream.
Qing is...a sweet guy.
On weekends, we video chat too. Mostly at night. We will say how much we miss each other and how we anticipate that the exam week will be over.
Like tonight. We are talking to each other and smiling through the screen of our phones.
"Then you will be free to be with me, right?" He asked, pouting like a little boy asking when he will have his turn to handle the basketball.
I smiled indulgently at him, "I don't know. I might still be busy by then..."
"Fuck, this will be the last time I will date a teacher. You guys are busier than the members of the parliament. Fuck this shit," Qing pouted some more.
I chuckled at his sulking face. "Sure. Next time, date someone who is not busy. How about a model? One of the endorsers in your company. They might cheat on you but they are sure not busy,"
I am of course, talking about his ex.
"Darn, that burns." Qing smiled at me. Proudly. "Do you have more jabs like that?"
"I have a lot." I will assure him.
We laughed together. Then he will sigh, "I miss you, Dayu ah."
"I miss you too." I do. I miss him. Qing.
"Are you doing your assignment?" He asked me.
I blushed. Like I always do when the topic turned to my "assignment". "I am doing it."
"Good," Qing nodded his approval. "There is nothing wrong with learning your own body by touch, Dayu. Masturbating is not a sin too." He reminded me gently.
Because of my imposed separation from Qing while I am preparing for the exam week, he insisted in return to give me an assignment.
"Try touching yourself after showering. Or while showering. Or soaking in your tub. You said you like soaking in your tub to relax. Well, do that there."
"Do what there?" I was confused at first.
"Learn your body, Dayu. It's yours. Learn it. Note where you are ticklish. See what part of your body is sensitive. The roughest part. The smoothest part. The hardest. The softest. The prettiest. That one part you are not confident with. Learn your body. Listen to it. That is your assignment."
"How should I do that?" I asked, already stressing out about it.
"By using your hand. And looking at yourself in the mirror. Isn't that obvious?" Qing asked back, puzzledly.
My lips pursed at what he said but Qing turned serious at me. "Do this. You have to. I saw how devastated you are that you don't love your body. Well, even if you will not be fully satisfied in the way you look, I still want you to at least like your body."
"I like my body..." I said defensively.
"Then use it to experience pleasure." Qing dared me. "If you really like your body, touch it. Feel it. There is nothing to be afraid off. The worst thing that can happen is you reaffirming your belief that you don't love it but don't hate it either. Being stuck in the middle..."
"And the best thing that can happen?"
Qing grinned naughtily at me, "I might get you to agree to let me watch you masturbate." He said with full of mischief in his twinkling eyes.
I gave up on him. He is a depraved reprobate. A heathen.
Now, Qing is asking via video call if I am doing my assignment.
"I am doing it, I swear." I insisted.
"And I believe you," Qing nodded. "Is it getting easier? You said it was hard when you did it for the first time."
I sighed, "It is getting easier. But I think your theory about people having different palms is correct."
Qing frowned, "Is it? I just read that somewhere...why do you think I am right about it?"
I nodded. "It's because it feels different. When you are the one touching me and when I am touching myself." I sighed. "I tried playing with my nipples but I didn't get fully hard down there, not like when you do it for me..."
"Fuck," Qing said faintly while giving me a stunned look. "I should have thought about this one better."
I frowned, "Thought better about what?"
"Asking about your assignment." Qing replied resignedly. "If I just knew that I will get informations like you playing your nipples, I would have stopped myself from asking..."
"Why?" Is there something wrong with what I said?
"Well, you playing with your nipples have a different effect on me that yours. I don't know about you but I sure get hard just imagining it. Can you show me that? You...playing with your nipples..."
I pressed the end call button.
Denegrated reprobate. Qing is too horny for me. I cannot handle him.
After some minutes, he sent me a message. Which I have to reply to.
Qing: My problem is now gone. I am fine again.
Me: What problem?
Qing: My erection.
Me: You...
Qing: I masturbated. I am okay now.
Me: Good for you. Now leave me alone, I still have lessons to write down.
Qing: Okay. I miss you.
Me: I miss you too. See you soon?
Qing: It can't be soon enough. Goodnight, Dayu.
Me: Goodnight, Qing.
I kept smiling at my phone even though our conversation is now over. Qing is really a distraction.
But he is the kind of distraction that I need and crave in my life.
As I lay on my bed and pass a hand on my naked body. From my chest to my belly and down to my placcid penis. Doing the assignment given by my boyfriend, I thought to myself, learning my body is not bad just like what Qing said.
I think I am even starting to genuinely like this body I am in.
For one thing, Qing finds this body desirable. And that is enough reason for me to like this body.
It's not too bad if someone finds it attractive. Right?
But I also know that I won't have the courage to do this "learning of my body" thing if Qing was not encouraging me. Without his motivation.
Qing's encouragement on me is important. Because I feel brave when I know that Qing support is with me.
.......................
(QING)
Secretly dating someone who is busier than you are, a total novice in having a relationship, has issues that can cover a whole magazine and sexy as fuck can be tasking. It is hard. In more ways than one.
But knowing that the exam week in the school where Dayu is teaching is finally over and that I will be able to see him regularly again, physically, gives me such rewarding feeling that no one can put a blight in my day.
I finished work early. Cut my day in the office shorter by bribing my mouthy secretary, "here's some cream puffs LiYan. Your favorite," and I dashed out to get my car to drive it to get to Dayu. It's such a rush. An exciting feeling.
Ironically, Dayu and I will meet in a bookstore. The same bookstore where Dayu handed me my second experience in rejection. But that incident didn't gave me a trauma on the place.
On the contrary, knowing that I will enter this establishment again and meeting the same man who rejected me here, but having a different result, is giving me a feeling of adoration for this place.
The smell of the book and the quietness of the place are also endearing. Like that first time, today, the bookstore is practically empty at this time of the day. It's sad to think that owning a bookstore is a dying business. With the technology available in people's hand now, reaching for a book suddenly became mundane.
People would rather hold a gadget in their hand than a book. It's sad but that is progress to you.
This bookstore being almost empty is an advantage to us though. To me and Dayu. Because Dayu is so deep inside the closet about his sexuality, he will practically meet Aslan in Narnia soon.
But I don't take that against my sweetheart. Dayu is in a situation that is difficult to unravel. And the other big thing, Dayu is still not sure how to unravel this issue about his sexuality. Or if he even want to unravel it.
I believe we are making progress though. One baby step at a time. The fact that Dayu is trying is a big change already. It's something to rejoice already. And everyday, every reply he does to my messages, I can feel that Dayu is growing more confident and comfortable with our relationship. And that is saying something about us.
Dayu rejected me twice. Now, he was the first one to message today, saying that he wants to meet me and spend time with me.
I nodded at the elderly woman manning the register. I walked deeper into the bookstore, to the lined shelves of books at the back. On the last row of books, in that same place as before, I saw Dayu waiting for me between a bookshelf and the wall that is also lined with books.
"Hey," I approached him and stood beside Dayu. "What are you reading?"
Dayu got a book on his hand. When I asked what it is, he presented them to me. I frowned at it, "Empowering yourself?" I think it's a self help book.
Dayu nodded, "It has a lot of advice and pointers how to improve yourself and...oh, what are you doing?" He asked puzzledly when I took the book from his grasp.
I push the book at a gap on the shelf in front of us, "Although that book contains lots of advice and pointers that might be useful, I don't think you need it right now."
"What do I need now?" Dayu asked.
I smiled at him before looking left and right, making sure we are alone, and then gathering him in my arms. "You don't need anything right now but to be you." I said. "You don't even need me. You just need to breathe and close your eyes and think about who you are and who you need to be." I added.
I watched as Dayu closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I am quite happy to be by your arms though," he said.
Ah, honesty. You gotta love it.
"I am happy to have you in my arms," I said. Dayu opened his eyes and look up at me. Then he lifted himself to grazed his lips against mine. In a chaste kiss that said how far he had gone to becoming bolder and braver about himself.
I am proud of him.
"You didn't look left and right, before doing that." I smiled at him.
"You already did it before you hugged me," he said.
"So you trust me?" I asked.
Dayu smiled and nodded, "Yes." He sighed and lean his head against my shoulder. "And this is what I need right now. I am so tired. That exam week is exhausting."
"Yes, very exhausting." I agreed. "You have no idea the amount of energy it takes to miss you, then think of you, masturbate while thinking of you and then goes back to missing you..." I sighed.
"Aiyoo!" Dayu reached up to smack the side of my head. We chuckled together.
"Have you eaten some snack?" I asked him after.
Dayu shook his head, "No. But I am not hungry yet."
"Then what do you want to do?" I asked. We usually drive around when we are together, looking for places where we can eat and talk privately where there are less chances that someone might see us who knew Dayu.
It's sad but that is our situation, as of now. I said that because I believe, our situation will improve as time goes by. I just have to believe and go with faith.
"I just want to relax," Dayu said with a bit of a pout.
I frowned as I think. Then an idea struck me, "Do you...want to see my place?" I asked.
"Your place?" Dayu frowned back. I nodded, "I live on my own, in my own place, remember?" I said. Dayu stared at me, unseeing as he thinks. After some moments, he nodded. "That sounds interesting. Okay."
I smiled, "Okay. Let me hug you more for a little while before we move." I hugged him a bit tighter. "Okay," Dayu said before he leaned against me, contentedly.