(QING)
Dayu is a lightweight. After four more drinks, he is down.
Well, not down as in knocked out but Dayu is definitely drunk. He is still concious, can talk and sit upright but his eyes are glazed, his words are slurred and he keeps on smiling at me for no apparent reason.
Yup, this guy definitely has enough tequila shots.
"You are drunk," I said as I stood up with an intent to help Dayu get in the bed so he can rest.
"No, I am not..." he grinned at me. His eyes teary.
I chuckled in amusement, "Us in the brewery business knew that if a person who had been drinking says he is not drunk...then he is definitely drunk. Come on, let me help you..." I pulled him up by taking his arms and help him raise to his feet. "Off to bed you go," I said before Dayu stumbled and I moved with him to steady him.
But Dayu hissed and struggled against my hold. When I loosened my arms around him, Dayu spinned to face me and slap me on my cheek.
I was so stunned, I cannot move. It's not that the slap is hard enough to hurt. What surprised me is the fact that I never expected that slap at all.
Imagine being bitten by a pretty butterfly. Would you expect something small and pretty to bite you? No. The same can be said to Dayu. I never expected someone as mild mannered as him to suddenly struck me with his palm on my face.
"Unhand me, you ungentlemanly beast!" He screech at my face. "How dare you touch me?! I am a lady!"
He is a WHAT?!
"Dayu ah..." I reached for him but Dayu took an unsteady step backwards to avoid my touch and in the process he almost fall again if not for my fast reflex to seize him in my arms again.
But Dayu struggled harder against my hold. "Scoundrel! Pervert! You maniac! Unhand me! You perverted jerk!" He shouted those words on my face, his is spitting on me.
"Dayu!" I cannot believe I am almost wrestling with a drunk guy who accussed me of being a pervert when all I want to do is help him. I guess this is how misunderstanding happens.
I finally let Dayu go when he tried reaching for my face to slap it again. I feel sorry but I literally pushed Dayu on the bed and he scrambled to sit on it, still spitting mad and giving me squinty eyed looks.
"You pushed me! You barbaric dumbhead! How dare you treat me like this? I am a lady. A girl. How dare you treat someone weaker like this? You..." then to my horror, Dayu started sniffing.
Is he...crying? Already? Oh my...
"D-dayu ah..." I crouched low in front of him as Dayu sat on the foot of the bed and continued sniffing. He also wiped his cheek of...tears?
Oh now, that is just unfair. Did I made him cry?
"You heartless bastard. Why are you treating me like this?" Dayu is almost whispering now. He looked up at me with tear tracks on his cheeks. "I am a girl. I still deserve some gentleness. Why are you being like this to me?"
Why is HE being like this to ME?! That is the better question.
And why does he keep saying he is a girl?
"Dayu ah," I sighed and moved to get a bit closer to him. "You are not a girl..."
"I am a girl!" That signaled Dayu to be angry and shout again. Now, I wish this room is sound proof and no one can hear us from outside or the rooms next to us.
Dayu gave me a hurt look. "You are just like them," he said as he put a hand on his chest. "I tried telling them. I tried explaining to them. I am a girl. But they won't listen to me. They won't believe me..."
That...that pricked something in my chest. "Who are they?" I asked him delicately. "Who did you tell?"
"Them," Dayu waved his hand. "Mama...Baba...them..."
His family. He told his family about this.
Dayu jabbed his own chest with his fist. "I...I know what I am here..." he is talking about his heart. "I know I look strange outside but I am a girl. I am!" He insisted.
He is trapped. That is what Dayu is.
Dayu looks like a man outside but inside, he is a girl.
That is not something I find surprising. As a gay man, I am active in the LGBT community. I know people who are like Dayu, who feels trapped in their own body. I know people like him. I heard stories like the one he is telling me now.
What Dayu is going through is hard. Being trapped inside a body type that doesn't agree with what you are feeling, that is tough shit.
And Dayu tried telling people...his own family. But they didn't listened to him. I wonder what happened when Dayu did it. How old was he when he confessed to feeling like that to his family.
"Dayu ah..." I called his name. Dayu sniffed and stared back at me. "It will be okay..."
"No," Dayu shook his head. "It will be not. But what do you know? Your problems are simpler than mine. You are gay...and your family supports you. You don't know what I am going through. Living in this body..."
That is unfair. It was not easy for me to come out and accept who I really am. Although yes, I don't know what Dayu is going through because unlike him, I like being in my body. But it was no means easy for me to be where I am right now in terms of my sexuality.
I struggled too. I find it hard to accept I am gay too. If I was afforded a choice, I will not choose to be gay. But being gay is not a choice for me. This is not a lifestyle choice or something I decided I want to do randomly. No. Being gay is innate to me. This is me. I struggled about it, questioned myself, got angry and then finally, accepted it. Being me is no means easy.
But Dayu won't know that, because he is not me. And Dayu is right, I will not understand his suffering because I am not him. This is Dayu's battle. This is his struggle. And I am a stranger that he will not see again tomorrow.
"It will be okay," I have to say that to at least alleviate his emotions. "C'mon, you have to rest..."
"I don't feel good," Dayu said before burping a little, face blanching in color and he put a hand on his mouth.
I paled too, "No! Hold it in!" I felt panicky as I helped him to his feet and push him to the direction of the bathroom.
He should not vomit until he got there.
"Urghmp!" Dayu's body heaved a little forward. He stopped and shook his head on me with an apologetic look on his eyes.
"No!" I shouted again but Dayu gave one more heaving movement and then he vomitted between us while we were just two feet away from the bathroom.
Two feet away. So near yet so so far...
"Sorry," Dayu pitched towards me ans slumped against me. I moaned in distress. We were both drenched with his sour smelling vomit and I have a drunk person in my arms. "I feel dizzy," Dayu moaned too.
And I feel terrible. Ugh!
Now we have to take a bath together too. After all had happened to us tonight.
This is...
I pushed Dayu and myself towards the bathroom amidst the drunken guy's protest.
In the bathroom, I learned that there are still so many things that can surprise me.
Dayu...is one big package of surprise after another. He is not ordinary at all.
.....................
(DAYU)
I woke up to someone hammering my head. It feels as heavy as an anvil and an iron hammer is pounding on it.
"Ohhh..." I moaned in pain as I tried moving to get on my back but the pounding in my head continued.
When will it stop?
"Here, drink this..." Someone presented a bottle of water in my face.
Then I realized, aside from feeling like someone is hacking my head in half, I also feel parched. Like my whole mouth is dry.
"Thank you," I sighed as I tried to get up. Two strong arms helped me and I look at the owner of the hand with the bottled water. I saw a guy sitting at the foot of the bed. I know this guy. "IronMan..." I said wonderingly.
"That is right," IronMan opened the bottle himself and watched me drank deeply, almost finishing the whole bottle.
He stood up and gazed down at me. "What time is it?" I asked him as I massage my fingers on my head.
"A quarter before seven am." IronMan answered. "Do you have work? Do you want some breakfast?"
Food? "No..." I moaned again and slid back under the covers. "I feel squeasy. I don't think I can put anything in my stomach that I won't vomit back out."
"Ah vomitting. Don't remind me..." IronMan hummed in agreement. "What do you want to do?"
"Sleep some more. Stay here in bed," I said as I closed my eyes again. I would love nothing more than staying in bed and sleep this headache away.
The room is cold. The sheets and cover are soft. It's warm under the cocoon of the covers. They feel good against my nakedness. My body......
.......is naked?
My eyes flew open. I lifted he covers and my mouth slacked open too when I saw my naked flesh under it.
"I am naked. Why am I naked?" My eyes searched for IronMan who is standing by the bed and clasping a watch on his wrist. He is fully clothed. Unlike me.
"Oh that?" He turned to gaze at me. "You vomitted last night. It went all over your clothes. I had to wash you so it's obvious that I took your clothes off..."
"Why?" I continued asking that question. Why...
"Because you vomitted and..."
"Stop!" I raised a palm to stop him. I already heard the vomit excuse. "Why did you..." I started hyperventilating. I am naked. I woke up naked in a hotel room with a guy who is practically a stranger and now breathing is becoming hard.
"Where are my clothes?" I asked him.
"There..." IronMan pointed at an austere looking tall chair. On top of it are neatly folded clothes that look familiar. Those are my clothes. I swallowed hard. My shirt and pants are not the problem. "My underwear? Where is my underwear?" I asked in faint tone.
"Inside the the pocket of your pants." Is IronMan's casual reply.
My world tilted on it's axis. "You...saw my underwears?" I looked up at him again. I found IronMan staring intently at me too. I flinched in shame. "You touched it?"
IronMan nodded, "I had to wash it. You don't want the housekeeping in the hotel to laundry it so I washed it myself." He said.
I closed my eyes as I felt my body swaying.
"Dayu ah! Are you okay...?"
"Don't touch me!" Even I was surprised at that shout. I bit my lower lip and hide my eyes from IronMan.
He saw my underwears! Oh my God! I want to die! Can I die right now? Someone please...open a hole in this bed and swallow me...
I moaned in despair when my head aches again. I took a deep calming breath. I don't want to vomit again although I feel nauseated with the thought that IronMan touched my undergarments.
"C-can you...leave me so I can get dress?" It's pure miracle can I can still string those words together. My mind is swirling. I feel cold inside, my blood running hot and fast yet my skin feels cold. It's a totally confusing and devastating feeling.
I heard IronMan sighing. "I will just be in the balcony if you need me. Your phone and wallet are on the side table,"
I turned my head on the side table, more on avoiding looking at IronMan than confirming that my things were in there. I nodded, "Thank you..." I said simply.
The bed wobble when IronMan stood up from it. I felt him walking around the hotel room and I heard the balcony door opening. I looked up and saw IronMan closing the door and standing there on the balcony. He fished out his phone and started twiddling on it.
I gather the cover on my body and quickly climbed off the bed. I snatched the phone and wallet on the side table before walking to the chair to take my clothes on the way to the bathroom. I slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it before leaning my forehead against it.
"I am doomed. I am doomed. My life is over," I chanted in despair. I lift my forehead from the door and just bang it on the door. Thud...thud...thud...
"Ow," I moaned. My headache is worse now. I am stupid.
I unfolded my clothes and lay then on the marbled counter by the sink. I searched the pockets of my pants to look for my underwears. When I touched something satiny and lacy inside the left pocket...I whimpered.
I pulled my hand out of the pocket and gaze at my underwear. My lacy, flimsy and pretty in pink...bikini.
"Argh...." I close my eyes as I cried softly in pure shame. Someone else had saw my underwear. Someone knew now...
That I wear underwears for girls.