Songs:
No: Shakira
Just A Little Bit of Your Heart: Ariana Grande
Out of the Woods: Mackenzie Johnson cover
Only Love Can Hurt Like This/ When You're Gone: Paloma Faith
Long Way Down: One Direction
Addicted: Kelly Clarkson
Stay: Rihanna Ft. Mikky Ekko
A.J.'s POV
I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and someone had stomped all over it. No, not someone, Harry. He did this to me, he made me feel this way, again. This isn't supposed to feel like this, love was supposed to feel better than this, wasn't it? It wasn't supposed to hurt this much, it shouldn't hurt this much. All I felt was the emptiness I had once let consume me, creeping its way back in. I didn't want that, again. I couldn't go back to that girl. But, I knew if I stayed with, Harry, I would. It would be inevitable. I would be so unhappy and even more miserable than I already was.
As, Pete, pulled up in the driveway, I noticed, Harry's car coming to a quick halt, getting out of his car without even turning it off or shutting the door. I quickly ran up the steps of the porch, not wanting to deal with him. I heard him calling for me, but I ignored him, shutting the front door behind me.
"Katarina, wait," he called out, running up behind me.
His large hands grabbed my by my waist, again, pulling me to him. "Katarina, please, just, you weren't supposed to be there," he sighed in my ear.
I scoffed, turning around, against his grip. "So this is my fault?"
"No, just, I didn't expect to see you there, nothing was going to happen, I swear."
"You are literally, the biggest idiot I have ever fucking met," I yelled, pushing him away. "That was our fucking event, why the hell do you think everyone was there?"
"What?"
I grabbed and searched through my clutch that I just noticed was in his hand until I found what I was looking for. I unfolded the pamphlet, shoving it in his face, trying, without resolve to keep my cool. Though I had every right to go off on him.
"You, um you and Samara, you guys were," he huffed, mumbling something inaudible under his breath. "I didn't-"
"Harry, I've been telling you for months, since before your fucking birthday that, Sam and I have been working on something and I told you, weeks ago that I had gotten in touch with, Giovanna to get something together and you signed off on things, you have been there almost every step of the way. You, ugh, damn it, Harry, damn it," I shoved against him, again. "I can't do this anymore, I can't."
"Katarina, you have to believe me, I wouldn't do something like that to you, I wouldn't ruin this."
"Ruin what, Harry? We don't have anything anymore," I almost cried as the words resonated with me.
He grabbed my arms, rubbing them in a soothing way. "We have everything, baby, I love you, so much you have to believe that. I love you with everything I am."
"I believe that," I sniffled. "I believe you love me with everything you have, but I don't think you have enough," I tried to keep the tears that I knew were forming from falling down my cheeks.
He backed me up into the wall, pressing his body against mine, his hips keeping me in place while his hands pinned my arms to the wall. "I know," he huffed, leaning his forehead against mine. "I know, I haven't been at my best as of late, and I know that I've been hurting you, so, so much, I know that."
"If you truly knew that, you wouldn't do this to me," I moved my head to the side. "You wouldn't do this do us."
He cupped my chin between his thumb and index finger, turning my head back around to face him. "I'm an idiot, I know that, I do, just don't give up on me please, I'm trying."
"Don't lie, Harry, please do not lie, because if you were trying we wouldn't be here."
"Don't leave me, just don't," he repeated. "You promised-"
"No, you have no right to talk about promises. You promised to fight and love me even when you hated me, but you haven't, I haven't felt loved in so long, all I have felt-"
He cut me off, pressing his plump lips against mine, crushing my body to his. His fingers curled into my hair, digging into my scalp. I tried to resist, but it was pointless, as much as I needed distance from him, my body had other plans.
I pushed myself against him, reluctantly letting my hands travel up his body until the found their place in his hair, tugging at the roots as I pulled him into me, kissing him even more thoroughly than he had. His hands ran down my body, resting on my butt, pushing up, urging me to jump. I was about to do as he silently asked, but stopped myself, reluctantly pushing him away from me, for what seemed like the millionth time tonight.
"I can't," I sighed, breathlessly. "I can't just let you get away with this just because you make me feel good, physically."
"Than talk to me," he pleaded.
"About what, Harry? I'm done, so, so done with this, all of it. Every time you say something, you do the opposite and I'm getting a fucking whiplash with all your back and forth," I placed both hands against my temples, squeezing my head in efforts to soothe the headache that was starting to form. "I feel like I'm breaking, I feel like I'm-- I don't know what this feeling is exactly, but I don't like it. I need to- like I need to go," I said lowly, not sure how to say it without breaking down into tears. "I love you, I do, so, so much."
"Than give me another chance, please," now he was the one fighting to not cry.
"I can't, Harry, I can't do this anymore. I've been going through the motions with you, doing whatever you want so you can be happy, but I'm losing myself, again. I'm so lost, and I don't want that."
He sighed, rubbing his face with both hands before walking over to me again. His hands grabbed mine, pulling me to the living room. I tried to fight him, but a greater part of me was hoping he wouldn't let go.
He sat on the couch, pulling me down by my hips to sit on his lap. As comfortable as this still felt, we needed to have an actual conversation and sitting on his lap was not going to allow us to stay serious. I moved over, sitting at least a foot away from him. He sighed, shaking his head, resting it on his hands.
"Just one more chance," he mumbled into his hands before looking up at me, his eyes red and tears smeared on his face. "I'm begging you, I love you," his hands took mine in his lap. "I'll try harder, I promise."
"I asked you once, not to promise," I took my left hand from his, wiping away his tears, I hated to see him like this. "This is why, I don't think I can trust you." I felt like my heart lept into my throat as I said the words.
Of course I trusted him, with my life, but my heart was different. I loved him and he loved me, I knew that. But, that just didn't feel like enough anymore.
"Than give me a chance to show you," he sniffled. "I can say all this, but you're right, my actions speak louder than my words. I know I've said things, but I won't say anything anymore, I'll just show you, just let me."
I held his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs under his eyes to clear him of any tears. I stared into his eyes, wondering if what he was saying now held any truth to it. I wanted to believe him, I did, but how could I? He kept saying things that didn't make sense with his actions. His almost kissing, Kendall was proof of that. I didn't believe that that was a mistake, I saw the way he leaned into her, if he truly meant everything he was saying, I would have never seen that, because it would have never happened.
But, I was weak. As much as I felt like I was losing it, I also felt like I needed him, more than ever. God, I wanted to hate him, I wanted to be able to walk away from him so easily, but I knew, deep, deep down that I wasn't strong enough, not yet at least. Even though he offered so little, I felt content being around him. I still wasn't over losing, Sloane and he was the only connection I still had to her.
I know my reasoning's were stupid, I knew that with every fiber of my body, but I didn't care. As cliche as it sounds, he was my life, he was the drug that was still sustaining me. Keeping me from going even crazier, I knew he was partly to blame for this, as was I, but he was also everything I had to hold onto.
"Okay," I whispered.
"Yeah?" He chuckled in disbelief. "Really?"
I nodded softly. "I'm giving you this chance, because I love you, Harry, please don't screw this up, please," I begged.
He shook his head, cupping his hands over mine, squeezing them, tightly, kissing them both before pulling them away from him to wrap me up in a hug.
"I love, you," he whispered into the skin on my neck.
"I love, you, too," I whispered back.
Harry's POV
"I love, you, too," her voice cracked, nothing but a whisper.
I held her for as long as I could until she pulled away. "Let's go to bed, yeah?"
She nodded, pulling herself from me to head to our bedroom. I couldn't help but picture her walking out of my life as she walked out of the living room, my heart breaking in a million pieces at the mere thought. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I would have lost her. I know it was my plan, I knew I had to do it, I had to let go. But, as I went in to kiss, Kendall, all I could do was think about how she wasn't, Katarina. There was only one of her and I would be the world's biggest idiot to let her slip away from me.
I quickly came back to reality, following her up the stairs and into our room, following her as she got changed out of her dress and into her pajamas. Unlike my usual nighttime attire, I tugged on a pair of pajama pants, hoping not to scare her off. Baby steps, we had to take baby steps if we were going to make this work.
I watched as she cautiously got into bed, staying on her side, facing away from the center, holding a pillow against her chest. It was something I had realized, just now that she started doing recently. I sighed at my own stupidity, climbing in with her, laying as close as I possibly could. The scent of her floral perfume taking over my senses.
"Turn around," I instructed, hoping she wasn't too angry with me.
She sighed, hesitating for a bit until her body moved around in my arms, facing me. The first thing I noticed were the tears that pooled in her eyes. I kissed her eyelids, instantly feeling the tears on my lips. I placed my hand on the small of her back, pulling her body closer to me. I heard her breath hitch at the sudden movement, her heart beat pounding so hard against her chest, I could feel it.
I chuckled, missing having her this close.
"What's so funny?"
"Am I making you nervous?" I ignored her question, asking one of my own.
"Ugh, shut up," she sniffled, smacking my chest.
I cupped her chin, lifting her up to me. I smiled as she backed away a bit, pressing my lips against hers. She tried to pull back, but I moved my hand to the back of her neck, keeping her in place. Our lips wasted no time moving in sync. Once I was sure she wasn't moving anywhere, I moved my hand back to her chin, pulling it down gently until I was able to slip my tongue in her mouth.
She moaned slightly, her hands moving up my arm and curling around my shoulders. Our tongues moved against each other, slowly as her body pressed against mine. I leaned over her, moving my lips away from her lips, leaving open mouthed kisses along her jaw and neck before coming back up to meet her lips, pulling away slowly.
Both of us took a second to catch our breaths, a large smile on both our faces.
"How about we have dinner tomorrow?" I asked as I placed soft, delicate kisses on her lips. "Just me and you."
"Um, I don't think I'm ready to go out?" She sighed, annoyed with herself, it seemed like. "Not after what happened tonight, not yet at least."
"I understand, babe, I screwed up, I know that." I tried to sound as reassuring as I possibly could, hoping she knew, I knew, I was at fault and I would do anything to fix this.
"How about, um, I make us dinner," she offered, nervously.
"Or I could cook?"
"You have a busy day tomorrow," she reminded me.
Ugh, she was right. I hadn't expected to be going through this with her so I had booked most of the day at the studio. Now I really wished I would have asked her for help, we would have our own studio downstairs and I could multitask, easily. I should talk to her about getting started on those rooms, it wasn't the right time, but if we had a project to work on together maybe we could bond, or something.
"Fine, I'll let you cook," I chuckled, pecking her lips.
"Okay, um, what time?" She asked, nervously.
"Six, sound good?" I smiled. "We can like dance or something, or have a movie night if you aren't comfortable?" I tried to give her options.
"Um, yeah," she smiled, wearily. "Let's just play it by ear."
"Okay," I nodded.
"Okay."
I kissed her forehead, wrapping my arms around her now lanky body, rubbing her back softly. "I love, you," I whispered, kissing her lips.
"I love, you, more," she whispered back, looking at me, knowing what was coming next.
I smiled, rubbing my nose against hers, "I love, you, most," I chuckled lightly, pulling her closer to me, as if that were possible.
"Always?" She asked with a hint of fear that was always there when she asked, only a bit more prominent.
"Forever," I assured her. "Forever and ever and ever and ever," I added, showering her with kisses. "More than you could ever imagine."
A/N: Only five chapters left!