A.N.
Chapter songs:
Without You by Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls
and
You Are My Sunshine by The Civil Wars
-------------------------------------------------------------
The food is done with only 20 minutes to spare to get ready before the few guests are supposed to arrive. Draco and I made a point to rush upstairs and dress quickly, after deciding we needed to only be semi-formal. I didn't pay much attention to what either of us chose to wear, it all seemed kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things. I wondered how much I could touch Draco's hand during the party, wrap my arm around his shoulder, how far I could take any display of affection before I would be too obvious and take the notice of his father. The earlier conversation left a bitter feeling in my stomach, I didn't like the way things were seeming to go.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize it would only get worse from there.
Once we got downstairs, someone had already arrived early and stood at the bottom of the stairs. There stood Blaise, eyes trained fiercely on Draco, and my stomach wrenched. I felt an anger rivaling Tom's absolute fury rising in my gut. The smug piece of shit, what is he doing here?
I can practically feel Draco stiffen next to me before I catch him forcing a smile, "You're early."
"You say that as though you don't want me here, that wounds me."
I have to swallow the words we both don't in my throat, then I plaster a smile on my face before pointing Blaise in direction of the couch. He gives me a look, one of his eyebrows cocked and I feel my fingers twitch.
Mayday, mayday, I find myself thinking, this is very bad, Harry.
***
The night seems to pass in a blur, Draco constantly swept away from me by his ex, Blaise, but I drain everything out of me to put every ounce of trust I have in Draco to not let a repeat of the Christmas party happen again. At around eleven I catch sight of Blaise whispering something in Draco's ear with a smirk and Draco's face goes blank, as though everything had been drained from him in that one moment. I force myself into the circle the two are in and make occasional small talk, all the while watching Draco's face tense and slack with every word that Blaise says.
I wanna slit the bastard's throat, but I have to swallow the thought, pushing my way through the hall and to the kitchen, filling a glass with water from the tap. I drink the entire thing, then try to keep myself from hyperventilating. Dobby finds his way to me and taps my shoulder, his face adorned with a sad expression at my misery.
"Steal him away, it will be the new year soon, Harry." he smiles.
I manage a smile and thank him, making my way to Draco. In a showy way, I act nervous as I ramble about running out of utensils and needing Draco to help me find some extras. He seems to catch on and acts as though he can't be bothered but follows me out of the living area to a small alcove in the foyer, hidden from the rest of their watching eyes. From our spot, you can see through the windows and see the lights and decorations left over from Christmas at nearby houses. We slide down to the floor, watching the lights as everyone begins the countdown.
10!
I hold Draco's hand in mine, "I missed you tonight."
9!
"I missed you too," he tells me, actually looking a little sheepish.
8!
"Are you okay?"
7!
"Yeah..."
6!
"You sure?" I ask.
5!
He nods.
4!
I turn my face towards him, watching the streetlamps from outside reflect off the windows and onto his face and I remember how a couple weeks ago I didn't know my parents were murdered, I didn't know about the possibility of my mind manifesting a coping mechanism for aforementioned murders, and I didn't know this boy I am in love with even existed. It's amazing how things just happen all at once.
3!
He starts to lean in for a kiss.
2!
I lean in too.
1!
Sparks fly inside my heart as we kiss and when the brief peck ends I fight for my breath.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"I love you," I tell him and he smiles, pulling me in for another quick kiss.
***
We return to the party, he a few seconds before me despite the fact we were only gone a minute or so- we have to tread lightly around his father. The party ends shortly after. There were only 5 or so guests not including the Malfoys and I, but the room seemed packed when more than three people stood at a time. I stood with the Malfoy's near the door as they said goodbye to everyone as they left, always the good hosts.
Blaise dropped his small backpack in my hands, "Walk with me, Harry."
Draco was nowhere to be seen, so I followed him, intent on telling him I planned to make sure he stayed the hell away from Draco. I may not be his official boyfriend to anyone else but Draco and I, but Blaise is a bad guy to have around. As he got in his fancy car, he gave me a rotten look, his head tilted with a withered smile.
"Is he as good a fuck as I remember him to be?"
I swallow, clenching my teeth until my jaw hurts. I wanna punch him in his stupid face, but I also want to punch Draco too. To give him another fucking black eye for not telling me.
No.
No I don't.
I'm just upset.
Calm down.
I throw Blaise's bag at his face and slam his car door, stomping back up to the house. I find Draco in his room and his head is in his hands. We need to talk about this.
"Did you have sex with Blaise?"
"Harry- what?"
I start yelling, "DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT?!"
His nostrils flare, "I did and it was a mistake, okay!"
"You said nothing happened!"
"Nothing did! It meant nothing to me!"
"Draco, you piece of shit, why didn't you TELL ME?!"
I see him immediately shut down and I regret my words, going to move his arms from him so I can look him in the eye and apologize. He wrenches away from me and grabs my things from my drawer and stuffs them in my bag, putting my mp3 in after rolling it in his hand for a second. He takes the bag in both hands and shoves it into my chest.
"Draco, please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Blaise said some things and I got upset, please don't do this."
"No," he pursed his lips and let out a snarl, "Don't you blame this on me. You did this. You fucked this up, Harry. Not me. Go, and don't ever talk to me again. We're done."
"Guess you don't love me anymore, huh?" I say weakly, slinging the bag over my shoulder.
"Get the hell out. Oh, and since you're so curious that you couldn't calm down enough to ask me... Yeah, he and I did have sex. The fucker raped me last year. He knew I had a crush on him and he took advantage of me, which is why I started to do drugs. To forget. But thanks to this, I am reminded of all that he did to me, so thanks for ruining all the progress I've made thus far and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
I left the room, closing the door slowly behind me and waking up Castiel who was curled up with Zorro. They cried as I separated them. I almost whimpered with them. I went to the main floor where Dobby was cleaning up, and cleared my throat shakily.
"Can I use the phone?"
My first instinct is to call Cedric.
"Hey," my voice cracks, "Ced, can you get me? Please? I need you."
He doesn't waste a breath, "I'll be right there, walk as far as the park halfway between the town and the manor and I'll pick you up. The community center is always open and it'll be warm in there. I'll be there as soon as I can, don't move once you get there, okay?"
"Okay," I croak, tears freely flowing now. I hug Dobby tightly, and he takes a sharp intake of breath before letting me go.
I walk as fast I can out of the house, cold from the weather and not having a heavy coat. I'm wearing the clothes Draco bought me. I feel so helpless. I force myself into a run, my duffle straps holding to me like a backpack as I run down the steep road. I could trip and fall, get hurt, get hit by a car. I can't find it in me to care until I remember Cedric, Severus, Sirius, Remus, and my friends all waiting for me to be okay.
I slow down and walk the rest of the way to the community center in the park. The inside looks like a bus stop, a couple of people sleeping on benches or eating at the small cafe. I sit on a bench facing the door, tears streaming steadily down my face. I take out the mp3 and force the earbuds in my ears, a feeble attempt to turn my thoughts from him but You Are My Sunshine plays and I cry harder, sobbing.
When Cedric walks in I run to him and hug him tightly, he strokes my hair and leads me quietly to the truck, soothing me enough to get me to stop crying.
"I'm going to drive you back to school."
I don't bother to argue, I just hold his hand as he drives, glad to have something to ground me.
"I'm sorry," I tell him.
"Don't be, I'm here for you, Harry." he brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles and I start crying again.
***
I don't sleep the entire drive, I just listen to the radio as it plays oldies song after oldies song. A few of them manage to cheer me up, especially the silly ones.
Once we pull up to the school and he parks to drop me off, I pull him in for a tight hug, one that makes us so close I can feel his heart beat fast against my chest. It feels like minutes have passed when I finally let go, giving one fleeting kiss to his neck that smelled of sweat and generic soap. The gesture was an intimate one, but it felt less romantic to me, and more like a promise of closeness we have.
"Cedric?" I ask him, and he seems in a daze because he seems surprised by the sudden act of affection.
"Yeah, Harry?"
"If you're off from school for a while longer, would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"
He readily accepts, kissing my brow, before smiling awkwardly as though he overstepped a boundary.
"It's fine," I tell him, which it is. He just came to me in my time of need and I feel extremely close to him because of that.
I leave him in the car with a promise to call him every day, or text, once I get my phone from Severus. I walk into the school with the wind feeling really cold on my back. I walk to Severus's quarters, knocking on the door, he opens it immediately.
"Oh, Harry." he says nothing more, sweeping me into the small room and sitting me on the bed. "What happened?" So I tell him everything and a look of sadness crosses his face, "I feared this would happen. Go on to your room, I'm sure your ferret is hungry after the long trip."
I nod, having almost forgotten about the ferret sleeping around my neck. I walk to my room in silence and all the boys in my room wake up immediately upon hearing the door.
"Harry, you're early." Neville told me, a sad look on his face, "we all came back early since we heard the weather may be bad if we waited too long to come back. What's wrong?"
My heart aches when I whisper, "You warned me about Draco. I'm sorry I didn't listen, Nev."
He takes Castiel and his cage from me and sets them by his bed, "I'll take care of him, you get some rest. We'll talk in the morning."
So I stripped and slipped in bed, eventually drifting into a fitful sleep, with no one lying beside me.
The bed seemed colder than I remembered.
----
A.N.
Hello everyone!
Here's a double chapter as thanks for your continued support!
Thanks for those who have been here since the beginning, the ones who picked this back up, the ones who have reread between updates, and those who are newcomers.
For all of your support, I am extremely grateful.
This story is nearing the end and I am so glad that I have all of you on my side.
Almost all stories I post from this point (until I change my mind) will be written on in my spare time until they are entirely finished, so it won't be like this story and take years to finish. Therefore, once my two main fics are gone, I may not post for a pretty long time.
I hope you all understand.
With love,
~deathbyinsomnia