**YOUR POV**
The day of One Direction's first show as a four didn't go as I imagined. It was way more emotional than we both thought.
The boys didn't speak a word to each other on our way to the venue and Harry was tense from the second we left our home, tightly holding onto my hand during the whole car ride. He didn't look at me, he looked outside the window in the opposite direction.
I gave his hand a gentle squeeze that made him turn and look at me, giving me the tiniest smile. I studied his features for a while and noticed his glossy eyes, so I didn't ask anything or tried to talk to him because I knew he'd burst out in tears.
I decided to give him some space and tried not to push him to something, even when we got to the venue. I stayed calm for him, supported him and was there for him when he needed me around or just to talk.
I watched from the crowd as they soundchecked some of their songs, noticing Harry really wasn't into it. His mind was somewhere else, he wasn't concentrated or he probably just couldn't. Zayn leaving the band was hard on all of them, but I could tell for Harry it was especially hard. Zayn was one of his best friends, they were so close and right now, Harry felt like he lost him.
After soundcheck, I went backstage and made myself comfortable in Harry's dressing room when he came in to get changed as the boys needed to be on stage in just a bit.
Harry closed the door behind him, leaning against it for a few seconds with his eyes closed, letting out a deep sigh.
„You okay, H?" I asked softly.
He slowly shook his head no, silent tears falling down his cheeks just a few second later.
„Babe." I got up from where I was sat and pulled him into my arms, hugging him tight as the tears he was holding in the whole day finally made their way up and spilled. „It's okay, love, it's okay." I rubbed his back soothingly.
„I didn't think today was gonna be so hard on me." He admitted silently.
„Me neither...I'm sorry you have to go through this, Haz. Can I- Can I do anything for you?" I let go of him to look at him and reached up to wipe the tears on his cheeks away.
„Not really, no. I'll be fine, just needed to let it out before I'm going on stage."
„Alright then. It's all gonna be okay. I love you." I pressed a kiss to his lips.
„Love you too." He kissed me back. „I have to change now, we need to be up there in a few."
He went to change his shirt and put on this beautiful, beautiful jacket and his black saint laurent boots. He looked magnificent, his hair was perfect, everything about him was perfect.
He had wiped his tears away, but his eyes were still glossy from all the crying.
„Is this jacket okay? Or should I take it off? I love it, but I don't know. Maybe it's too much?"
My heart hurt a little at those questions. Harry was very passionate about fashion and trying out new things, but a lot of times when he decided to wear something different than his usual style, he decided against it, because he was scared of what people would think even though he'd look immaculate in everything he wanted to wear. I understood why he was insecure about it, but I didn't want him to be sad about bot being able to wear what he loved.
„The jacket is perfect, Haz. It's not too much, lovie, it's absolutely perfect. I love it." I assured him and went up to kiss him. „You look absolutely beautiful, very handsome." I kissed him again. „Wear whatever you love, baby." I said afterwards.
He nodded with a little smile. „Thank you, Y/n."
„No problem, my love."
„I need to go now. See you afterwards, sweetie." He cupped both my cheeks to press a kiss on my lips.
„See you afterwards." I nodded. „I'll be watching. Hey and...you guys will be amazing, don't worry."
„Thanks, I hope so." He said and left the room.
I went outside to the side of the stage where I could watch from backstage without getting spotted from their fans out there.
They first had that interview with the hosts before they'd sing some of their songs and watching as they sat there, trying to answer all those insensitive questions about Zayn and the band and everything around that, made me feel so incredibly sorry. I could see how Harry actively tried to hold his tears back and didn't answer as many questions as he usually would, holding back on talking that would cause his tears to spill.
I was more than relieved when they eventually started their performance of their set of four songs. Listening to them, it definitely sounded different without Zayn's voice. Of course it did, they all had their own unique voice that made them One Direction and one was missing now. It did sound different, but not weird or bad in any way. They were amazing as always, just as a four now.
Harry usually loved perfoming, not under these circumstances obviously, so he wasn't really feeling it here, but he did his best and tried to give 100 % which was obvious because he truly cared about his fans and he didn't wanna disappoint them even more.
I went back to Harry's dressing room right before they were done and waited for Harry who appeared soon afterwards.
„Hey, you guys were amazing!" I went to kiss him again.
„Thanks. It was better than I imagined." He smiled a little. „The interview was shit though."
„Yeah, the question weren't all that nice, I'm sorry." I rubbed his upper arms. „But I'm glad the performance went well. You guys really did sound amazing."
„Thank you. I just hope the fans liked it as well."
„I'm sure they loved it, don't you worry, H." I assured him.