**YOUR POV**
„Yeah. I need to...I need to let this sink in first, wrap my head around it." He told me, wiping away some of his tears.
„You do that, lovie." I stood up from where I sat. „I'm gonna give you some space. I'll be upstairs in bed, it's almost midnight." I told him.
„Wait." He got up, stood in front of me and kissed me, our foreheads touching afterwards for a few seconds. „Thank you."
„No need to, baby." I cupped his cheek, stroking it with my thumb before I turned around and got upstairs.
I laid in bed, not quite asleep yet when Harry entered the room a little while later and got in bed next to me after a quick shower in the bathroom.
I turned around to my other side so I would face him. He put his hair up into a bun and wore a white shirt that was just thin enough so his tattoos would shine through.
„I'm scared the whole band will fall apart now." He admitted silently.
„It won't, Haz. Not if you guys don't let it. You'll just have to continue as a four then." I laid my arm around his waist.
„That will feel so wrong."
„Maybe...you'll have to get used to it I guess."
Harry nodded slowly, half of his face pressed into his pillow. „Thank you for being here for me, Y/n. I don't take this for granted."
„Oh Harry, of course. You should know by now that I'll always be here for you no matter what."
I leaned in to softly kiss his lips and realized some tears running down his cheeks again afterwards. „Hey, it will all be okay." I assured him and reached my hand out to wipe the tears away. „You're not alone, sunshine. I love you so much and I only want the best for you."
„I love you too, thank you." He whispered. „Y/n?"
„Yes, baby?" I stroked his cheek.
„I know that you're scared and are worrying about me, but nothing's gonna happen to me. This is not me from two years ago. I've matured and I know what I'm doing. I just...I'm honest when I say I'm not okay right now, but it's not as bad to be seriously concerned about and I won't let it get that bad. I promised you that and I'm not gonna break that."
„Okay, I'm relieved. It means a lot that you say that to me." I whispered back. „Oh H, I still need to give you something back." I reached to my neck to take off the cross necklace he gave me before I left for tour.
„Oh...you keep it." He said, faking a small smile.
„Absolutely not, it's your lucky charm. I just borrowed it."
„Apparently I don't need it anymore." He sighed, silently.
Instead of saying anything, I took the necklace and put it around his neck, closing it to secure it and grabbed the cross to move it and put it on the inside of his shirt. „You do. It's yours." I placed my hand on his chest right on top of the cross.
„I...I still can't believe this happened." Harry said silently, tears slowly flowing out of his eyes again.
„I know, I'm sorry." I whispered back, scooting closer to him so I could properly wrap my arms around him and rested my forehead against his. „I'm sorry you have to go through so much right now, my love." I said as his tears just kept on coming.
He was so sad and stressed about it that I could feel his body tensing up and shivering underneath my hand that was placed on his side.
„Harry baby, you need to calm down a bit, you're all tensed up." I said, running my hand through his hair.
He nodded slowly against my forehead as I noticed more tears of his silently falling. I cupped his cheek, soothingly stroking it.
„Shhh, it'll all be okay." I moved my head to kiss his forehead. „We'll sort out everything eventually, I promise."
„I love you...so much." He replied silently.
„Love you more, sunshine."
„Not really a sunshine right now." He said.
„To me you're always a sunshine. My beautiful sunshine."
We laid there for another while and I did my best to make him calmer and less tense until he finally fell asleep, fresh tears still laying on his cheeks.
I watched until I was sure he really was asleep before I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep myself.
*
When I woke up the next morning, I realized I was in bed alone. After quickly looking at the time of my phone, seeing it was 9 am, I got up and went downstairs, looking for Harry and eventually realized he wasn't there.
I didn't think much of it, so I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee just as the front door opened and Harry appeared from around the corner. His hair was tied up into a bun and he looked sweaty what indicated he was probably out running.
„Hey." I greeted him with a little smile and placed a cup of coffee onto the counter in front of him.
„Hey." He smiled back a little. „Thanks."
„How are you feeling?" I asked, not sure if he even wanted to answer.
„I'm okay." He assured me, his eyes telling otherwise though as they looked deeply hurt and sad, almost empty.
„Are you sure?"
He nodded. „As okay as I can be."
„Do you already know what's happening now?"
„We got another meeting this afternoon, but I have no idea. Probably as you said last night, we'll just continue without him." Harry said, not even wanting to say his name because it would break him. „One Direction is gonna be a four...instead of a five now." He added silently.
„That's the best possible thing you could do. I mean, you guys can't quit now, you can't give up on this, after all you've achieved."
„I don't wanna quit, I don't wanna give up. I love this, all of it, I can't just walk away and Niall, Louis and Liam too. We can't do that, not to ourselves and not to our fans. One Direction isn't over." He said. „I'm nothing without that band."
I frowned. „Wait Harry, that's not true. You're definitely not nothing without One Direction."
„How would you know that? That's all I've ever been doing. Being in the band. I don't know what it's like being a solo artist like you."
„How would I know? H, I've heard more than enough of your songs that you wrote for yourself, the ones that are truly you and not something for the band. You're so incredibly talented, Harry. You know exactly what sounds good and what doesn't when writing a song. You're completely yourself when you sit in front of that piano and write songs for yourself, your songs. That is not nothing. You've got your incredible talents and no one can take that from you even if the band wouldn't work out anymore. If you ever were to go solo at some point, you'd figure it out as you're going, just like I did." I told him. „Do you think I had any idea about any of this? No, I obviously didn't, but you, you've already got years of experience in the music industry, you know how it works and what it's all about."
He nodded again after patiently listening to what I had to say. „You're right I guess."
„And just saying, if you'd ever go solo, I just know you'll reach the moon with how much you'd achieve..."