Waking up to the smell of breakfast being made is something that I've rarely experienced. But as I open my eyes, I realize that I'm living that fantasy.
I lift my neck up and see Kurt working his way around my kitchen. Now that is something I never thought that I would see. Kurt never really knew how to cook anything, yet here he was cooking something.
When he turns around, I see him holding a McDonald's bag. I softly chuckle to myself, feeling like an idiot for creating this whole idea in my head that never turned out to be true.
He makes eye contact with me and smiles softly, but doesn't say anything. He grabs a plate from the cabinet and places it down on the counter. He grabs a sandwhich out of the bag, places it on the plate, and walks over to me.
I could get used to this, I think to myself.
"I got you this," He holds is out for me to grab.
Although I don't normally eat breakfast, I could never reject his offer, so I take the plate and sit up. "Thank you, Kurt. You didn't have to."
"I know," He crouches over the couch, but my feet are in the way, so I sit up and sit in the chair normally instead of laying down across from it. "But it's my way of repaying you."
I take a bite of the sandwhich, trying to hide my disgust towards it. "Repaying me for what?"
"Letting me stay here," He replies, leaning backwards and spreading his arms out across the couch. "You didn't have to say 'yes', you know?"
I smile at him and continue to eat. I know that I didn't have to say yes, but part of me felt obligated to doing it. It was really late at night and I wasn't going to send him out all by himself. Besides, I know that if I were to go up to him and ask to stay with him, he wouldn't hesitate to say yes.
"It's okay, Kurt," I let him know. But it's far from okay. "Will you tell me what's going on?"
He leans forward and sighs. "I fucked up. Courtney found out about us and she went into hysterics. She was screaming and yelling and crying, asking me why I did this to her, all that stuff. She kicked me out. She doesn't want anything to do with me."
My heart aches for him. I know that he really loves Courtney and having this happen to him probably breaks his heart. A small part of me is grateful for her reacting that way because now I get to see him more. "Oh wow. For how long?"
"I don't know," He shrugs his shoulders. "I mean, I don't think we're ever getting back to how we used to, Kaitlyn."
"Are you guys going to stay together?"
"No, she wants a divorce," He says.
I stare at him with my jaw dropped to the floor. "She wants a divorce?!"
Kurt nods his head slowly and wipes his eyes. "Yep. And she's not changing her mind." He stands up and starts pacing the room.
I want to help him, but I don't know how. If I were to hug him, I know that he would flip out because he needs his space. But if I don't help him, then he'll just feel alone.
Helping Kurt is very difficult. I wish that I knew what he was thinking so I could help. All I want is for him to be okay.
I can't imagine going through a divorce with no only the woman you love, but the mother of your child. They've gone through a lot together, so I don't know why she isn't willing to try and fix this with him.
"Did you bring up marriage counseling to her?" I ask him.
He stops pacing and faces me. "I brought up everything, but she's not going to change her mind."
"Well, what's going to happen with Frances?"
"I'm still going to be able to see her, but probably not as often as I woud like."
I didn't think about that. Not only would Kurt not be losing Courtney, but he would be losing part of his daughter, too. "Well, don't come to that conclusion just yet. Give it some time."
He collapses onto the ground and starts to cry.
I freeze. I don't know what to do. I've never seen Kurt like this before. I've never even heard him cry this hard. Normally when he cries, it's soft cries, but now, they're hard.
I want to comfort him, but I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. If I do, God knows how he's going to react.
"Let's go," I stand up and tell him.
He looks up at me with a confused expression on his face. "What?"
"Let's go," I pull my hair into a ponytail and walk towards the front door. "Kurt, come on." I grab the keys that are on the shelf right by the front door.
I hear his footsteps walking towards me, so I open the door and he follows me outside. I lock the door behind us and walk to the car.
"Where are we going?" He asks.
I open up the driver side door of the car. "You'll see."
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After we finally reach the top of the mountain, I rest on a rock and extend my legs out, panting like a dog.
"I feel...alive," Kurt smiles at me and jumps up and down. "We should do this more often."
"You're going to have to hike without me, Kurt," I chuckle softly.
"How did you know that this was going to help?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know."
That was a lie. When I used to live with my father and something happened with him and I, Ethan would sneak me out of there and take me hiking.
Something about it always relaxed me and I felt calm after. Whenever I would reach the top of the mountain, I never wanted to come back down. I always wanted to stay there. Ethan and I would always say that one day we were going to build a house on a mountain and claim it as ours.
Although hiking was something that Ethan and I shared, I knew that it would help Kurt. Kurt loves nature and animals, so I knew that this would calm him down.
"We should do this more often," Kurt says again.
"You already said that," I chuckle and stand up. I reach over, touching my toes with my hands. I come back up and take in the view.
I've never seen Washington from this angle before. There are houses along the side of the mountain, but they're far down.
"What if I were to push you off of here?" Kurt asks me.
I raise an eyebrow. "Kurt, I would die."
He chuckles and wraps his arms around me from behind. "I would never do that to you."
Something about him doing this feels wrong, but I can't find it in myself to take him off of me. I want him to hold me without any shame. I want him to tell me that he loves me and that he wants to be with me forever.
I never thought that I could feel this way about someone. I thought that with Ethan, that was as good as it gets. But as soon as I dated Kurt, the feelings I had towards him were something that I've never experienced before.
Kurt is the other half of me and I would never do anything to let him go. In fact, I would do anything to make him stay. I want him to be in my life forever.
"Kurt," I lean backwards against him. "Why did you come to my apartment to stay?"
"I already told you," He whispers.
"No. Why my apartment? Why not anyone else's?"
He peels his arms off from my waist and spins me around to face him. "Why do you think?"
I close my eyes, not wanting to look at him and say it. We're both thinking the same thing, but we're too afraid to say it. "Do you want some water?"
He sighs. "You're insane, Kaitlyn." He takes the waterbottle out of my grasp and takes a sip, then carries onto it for me.
I bring my eyes up to his and stare at him. There's something about him that just invites me. It's the way he smiles and assures me with his eyes. It's the way that he holds me. It's the way that he shows me that he still needs me, but he would never say it.
He wouldn't do that to Courtney.
"Kaitlyn," He says my name, then rubs my arm gently back and forth.
Before I know it, we're leaning into each other. His mouth crashes onto mine and I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.
Everything in my body is screaming for me to stop, but I can't. It feels right. Everything with Kurt feels right. Even if something were to go wrong, it would feel right with him.
His hands travel to my lower back and he rests them there, not once moving them.
I know that he's not kissing me because he wants me. He's kissing me to get rid of all of the feelings that he's been feeling. He's kissing me and imagining that I'm Courtney kissing him. He's kissing me so he can forget everything else.
And I let him. Not because I need to, but because I want to.
I'd rather have some of him than none of him.