Seattle, Washington
September 13, 1991
Shelli and I step out of the car simultaneously and approach the Re-bar. We have just arrived at the release party of Nirvana's new Nevermind record.
I was going to dress up and wear something nice, considering the occasion, but I knew that Kurt wasn't going to-I would feel like an idiot if I got all dolled up and he didn't. So, I ended up just wearing one of Kurt's sweaters and a pair of jeans of mine.
Shelli, on the other hand, did her makeup and put a slim black dress on. She looks very beautiful and I know that Krist is going to be very proud of her.
She's supported them since day one. She's done a lot to help them out and expects nothing in return. That's a true wife.
"Are you nervous?" Shelli asks me.
"No," I giggly, partially lying. I am a little nervous, but that's just because I know that there's going to be a lot of people which makes me extremely anxious.
We walk inside of the bar and I'm immediately hit with the stench of beer and sweat. The air feels very...muggy. It's surprising since the party didn't even start that long ago.
Shelli notices my discomfort. "Yeah, it's almost hard to breathe."
I smile at her and follow her down the hallway which leads to a separate room, away from everyone else. As soon as we enter the room, I see Krist, Dave, and Kurt all standing next to each other.
How did she know that they were going to be in here?
Kurt smiles as soon as he sees me. He rushes to my side and kisses me, holding me as I lean back with only one arm. "I'm glad you could make it."
"Of course," I pull away from him, afraid from falling. "So...why are we all in here when everyone else is out there?"
"We needed a second to collect ourselves," Krist says in a goofy voice. "Out we go!"
He marches out of the room, towards the party, and we all trail behind him. Kurt snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me into him.
Kurt's physical touch never fails to send me a shock throughout my body. He's much more gentle with me than Ethan was. Ethan would be more aggressive when he would pull me into his side, but Kurt did it with such grace. It was as if I was glass and he was scared of breaking me.
There were people conversing all over the bar. Others danced in the middle of the floor. Kurt grabbed a drink and filled it with beer, then we stood in the corner, away from everyone else.
"Why aren't you enjoying your own party?" I ask him and stare at the poster of the naked baby swimming in the water, trying to reach for a dollar bill that's hanging on the edge of a fishing pole.
I had seen it before, but very briefly. I never took time to really look at it. How did they get the baby underwater and it not drown? What would've happened if it drowned?
I'm surprised that their record label allowed them to use this cover, due to the baby's penis hanging out. I wonder if they would allow that same thing, but if the baby was a girl.
There's a big difference between penises and vaginas-Kurt and I had a conversation about this. We both agreed that it's as if society views penises as gross and ugly, but something that you could just whip out and it'd be funny. But with vaginas, they're almost sacred in a way and you don't seem them very often. They're not as talked about nearly as much as penises are.
"K!" Kurt shouts.
I jump and stare at him in confusion. "Why'd you yell at me?"
"Sorry. I was trying to talk to you and you weren't answering."
I point to the poster of their album cover. "I was staring at that."
Kurt smiles. "Do you like it?"
"It would've been better if it was you," I smirk at him and shrug my shoulders.
"I'm glad you came," He leans down and kisses me. "God, I'm in love with you."
"I sure hope so!" I joke, nudging his shoulder slightly. "Let's go over to your friends."
I grab him by the hand and run over to Krist, Shelli, and Dave. Krist turns to us and points at us, laughing obnoxiously.
"He's drunk," Shelli rolls his eyes.
I try to look at his physical appearance to see if there's anything that could tell me that he's drunk. I've never seen anyone drunk before-besides my father-so this will be something new.
Dave starts gawking at Krist and pointing. That only excites Krist more as he continues to laugh. I stare at them, embarrassed to even be seen with them. I look around, but no one's paying attention to us, so I feel more relaxed.
"You guys are too much," Shelli shakes her head like she's the mother and Dave and Krist are her two kids.
"I'm going to go get a refill," Kurt tells me in my ear and walks off.
"Do you want a drink?" Shelli offers her cup to me.
I shake my head. Even though I'm legally not allowed to drink, I've promised myself that I would never drink. Not after what my father did to me while he was drunk. "No thank you."
"Why not?" Shelli raises her eyebrow.
"I'm not old enough," I partially lie.
Kurt returns with more beer in his cup. He chugs it down in a manner of five minutes, no problem, and then goes back for more.
I've never seen him like this before. He has never really drank alcohol when I'm around him. He seems to be more open and out of his comfort zone.
The only thing that I'm worried about is if he were to get mad at me. I would never think that Kurt would hurt me, but I used to think that way when I was a little girl staying with my father.
I don't want to take any chances. So I try my best to stay out of his way and not piss him off.
"Fuck this song!" Dave groans.
"Let's ask him to change it!" Krist jumps up out of his chair, punching the air with his fist.
Kurt follows Krist and Dave up to the DJ booth. I take a seat next to Shelli and stare at them walking away.
"He really loves you," Shelli says.
"Hm?" I ask, facing her.
"Kurt. He really loves you. I've seen him with other girls, but nothing compares to the way he looks at you or treats you. He's so gentle with you."
"It's probably because of my past," I quickly say. I don't know why I'm trying to shut down the idea of him really loving me. I might be doing it because Ethan used to treat me so well, yet he still fell out of love with me.
I would never want that to happen with Kurt.
"They changed it!" Krist exclaims as they walk back.
Kurt is giggling up a storm and comes up behind me, wrapping an arm around me.
"You're so sexy," He whispers in my ear and I get a whiff of the beer he's been drinking. I smile at him and kiss him, then he sits down on the floor next to me.
I don't question it.
Krist, Dave, and Kurt keep walking over to the DJ booth and ask to change the song.
"I'm going to go get some more beer," Kurt points to the drinks after returning from the DJ booth, then walks off.
"How can they even drink this much?" I ask Shelli, amazed by how drunk they are.
"It's free," She explains. "Free beer is everything to them."
"I can tell," I mutter, but start to grow worried for them. I don't know if they can get sick because of this or not.
What I do know is that Shelli and I are going to have to take care of them tomorrow.
"Look at this idiotic poster!" Krist charges at the wall and rips the poster off. Dave and Kurt shortly join him and help him achieve his goal by ripping all of the posters off the wall.
Now people are starting to pay attention.
What the fuck are they doing?
They run back to our table and Krist picks up his tamale, then smirks at Kurt. He chucks it at Kurt and it splatters all over Kurt's outfit.
I gasp and start giggling.
Kurt is left standing speechless with no expression. I grow worried that he's mad, but a smile slowly forms on his face. He reaches over to the table and grabs a container of guacamole. He swoops his fingers, grabbing as many chunks of the guacamole as he can, and flicks it at Krist.
Dave feels left out, so he grabs some food and the three of them start a food fight with each other. Shelli and I step back, not wanting to get dirty.
"Boys will be boys," Shelli nudges me softly in the shoulder.
I stare at the sight and instead of being worried for them, I think about how they deserve this. They've worked hard on the record for a while now and they're celebrating themselves-they can do that however they want.
Two men walk over to them and start pushing them out of the door. At this point, everyone is staring at them.
"What are they doing?" Shelli grows angry and marches over to them.
Kurt, Krist, and Dave don't even realize what's happening. They're still yelling at each other, despite these men pushing them out of the way.
I follow them out of the door and they slam the door in our faces.
Holy fuck.
They just got kicked out of their own party.
I start bursting out laughing, staring at them. On top of them getting kicked out of their own party, they look ridiculous. They have food all over themselves and all in their face.
But my laughter quickly fades as they all lean over the curb and start throwing up. I run in between Kurt and Dave and pull both of their hair back so they don't get their vomit on it.
I groan. This is now how I wanted to spend the party.
I turn my face away from the vomiting and try to block out the noise. I don't like anything that associates with throwing up.
After a couple more minutes, they stop throwing up and wipe their mouths off.
The three of them stare at each other and start laughing obnoxiously. At this point, I'm very concerned for them.
"I'm going to go bring the car around," Shelli tells me.
I gasp and realize that she's leaving me alone with them, but that's the smartest thing to do. I can't drive, so I can't bring the car, and it'd be stupid to try and get them all in the car just by ourselves. That would never work out.
Krist, Kurt, and Dave are still laughing even as Shelli pulls up in the van.
"We'll grab my car tomorrow," She explains and pushes Krist into the van.
I grab Dave by the arm and bring him inside. He's not too drunk to not understand what's going on, but he's having a little trouble comprehending it. I turn around and go to grab Kurt but he shakes his finger at me.
"I am a man," He slurs. "And men can do things themselves."
"Just get in the van," I chuckle as he climbs into the back with his bandmates. I slam the door, then go around the back of the car and into the passenger seat. "That was a lot easier than I imagined."
"They're not too terrible when they're drunk," She looks back at them and smiles.
"Yeah, they're not too bad."
--------------------
"Go to sleep," I tell Kurt once more, growing irritated with the fact that he won't be quiet.
"But I-"
I glare at him. "I'm going to smother you with a pillow. Go to sleep, Kurt!"
He chuckles and lays down on his side. "Nighty-night."
"Night, Kurt."
I walk into his bathroom and brush my hair and teeth.
I decided to spend the night at his house tonight because I wanted to stay with him in case something happened to him. I became uneasy at the thought of Drunk Kurt being alone all by himself.
I shake away the thought as I finish brushing my hair and teeth.
Walking into the kitchen, I stub my toe on something. I groan and look down at the floor to see what I bumped into. There's a tiny, wooden box sitting right next to my left foot.
I pick it up and open it to see a spoon, syringe, needles, a lighter, and a bunch of other things inside of the box.
What is this?
I glance into the bedroom and see Kurt laying down, fast asleep. I want to wake him up and ask him what that is, but I want him to be able to get his rest.
I'll just ask him tomorrow morning.