Waking up was not as hard as I thought that it was going to be.
This morning feels like another morning that I used to go through. My father would hit me and that night I would feel like shit, but the next day I was perfectly fine.
Last night I felt like shit, but now I feel perfectly fine.
Kurt is no longer in the bed with me. I groan and stand up. I put my hair in a bun and walk out of the bedroom. I'm hit with the smell of pancakes and bacon and eggs. I furrow my eyebrows as the sunlight pierces my eyes.
I walk towards the kitchen and see Dave and Krist in there.
"She's going to love this," Krist looks down at the countertops.
I walk into the kitchen and see the pancakes, eggs, and bacon.
"Oh, good morning Kaitlyn!" Dave exclaims. "We've made breakfast for you."
"Thank you," I smile. "It smells really good, too."
Krist and Dave both exchange looks between each other, but I ignore it. I grab a plate and start grabbing a pancake and eggs. I butter the pancakes, cut them, pour syrup, and sit down at the table. I stare out of the window as I wait for everyone else to sit down.
They sit down at the table, so we all start to eat our food.
"Where's Kurt?" I ask.
"He's probably taking a shit," Dave says, making both him and Krist laugh.
I shake my head and chuckle. "You guys are immature."
"Are you alright?" Dave asks me. "I mean, after what happened?"
I nod my head. "Yeah. It's in the past now. I've moved on."
"You don't just move on from something like that."
I raise my eyebrows. "Dave, have you ever had something like that happen to you."
"Well no, but-"
"Exactly. It's not that big of a deal, really. I've had worse happen."
"That doesn't mean anything," Krist interjects. "It's still something bad."
I don't know why I am getting so angry with this conversation, but I am. I don't like them acting like it's a surprise that I've moved on from it. My father's done a lot of worse things, so this is like nothing compared to what he's done.
"I'm fine," I assure them once more. Kurt walks out of the bathroom and immediately smiles as soon as he sees me. He walks over to me and gives me a kiss. "Good morning."
"Good morning," He says proudly. "Are you alright?"
I nod my head. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
I roll my eyes. "Yes, I'm fine."
He sits down next to me and things get awkwardly quiet.
"Guys, I don't think I'm going to be able to do the concert tonight," Kurt admits. "I've thought about it and I just don't want anything like that happening-"
"Wait, why wouldn't you do it?" I ask him. "You guys go and perform. I'm just going to stay back here and hang out."
"All by yourself? I don't think so."
"I'll be alright. There are things I have here to defend me if anything happens. Nothing's going to happen. I'm fine."
"Would you want to go?" Dave asks.
"Fuck no," I say quickly. "I don't want to go. I'll just stay here."
"Kaitlyn, I don't think that's a good idea," Kurt sighs.
"That's great," I sarcastically say.
I'm tired of everyone deciding what I should do and how I should feel. Something bad happened to me, I get it. I'm over it now, but I'm too scared to go through it again, so I'm just going to be staying in the hotel.
"There's hundreds of other people in this building," I continue on. "Why would they come for our room? We're not even on the first floor."
"If something were to happen to you, I'd never forgive myself," Kurt tells me.
"Nothing's going to happen to me," I assure him. "I mean, really. Something bad already happened." I groan, very frustrated with the direction of this conversation. "I've said what I needed to say."
We sit in silence for the rest of breakfast. Not one of us had anything more to say.
My decision was final.
-----------------------------------------
Part of me wishes that I had gone with them to the concert. It's scary being all alone with no one else around. Krist and Dave putting out the fact that someone could break in really worries me.
That could most definitely happen and I'd have no way to defend myself. I never took karate or any fighting classes. The only experience that I have with fighting is my dad beating me up.
They've been gone for three hours now, so they're supposed to return at any time. I've been watching T.V. and reading the whole time.
I've also thought about what happened last night and really thought it over. I mean, it was really fucked up of that man to do that. But what confuses me the most is why I'm not upset over it.
I've told Kurt, Krist, and Dave that it was just because I've had worse shit happen to me, but I feel like it must be something else. Even though I've had bad things happen to me, that doesn't mean that I can't be upset over it.
I just don't know why I can't feel the ability to be upset over it. I want to cry over it and be upset so I can just move on from it.
Kurt is my boyfriend and I know that he's going to be performing a lot at concerts. I want to go to those concerts and experience those moments with him, but I can't do that if I'm always too scared just to go to a fucking venue.
As soon as I hear the front door open, I shoot up off of the couch and gasp. Kurt walks through the door first, so I run to him and hug him.
"I've missed you guys," I whisper and then pull away. "Look: nothing bad happened. We didn't get robbed."
"Congratulations," Kurt yawns. "I'm tired."
I shut the door behind Dave and Krist, then lock it.
"Goodnight," Dave and Krist say in unison, walking into their bedroom.
Kurt looks exhausted. But, then again, when does he not?
He looks overly-exhausted.
I help walk him into our bedroom and undress him, leaving him only in his boxers.
We lay down and fall asleep in each other's warm embrace.