He holds my hand as we walk inside of the restaurant. The waitress leads us to our booth after we inform her that it's just us two eating dinner tonight. She sets down the menus and Kurt and I sit across from each other.
This is our first date that we've ever been on and I'm nervous for it. I didn't get too dressed up for it because I knew that Kurt wouldn't and I didn't want to feel stupid.
We decided to go out tonight on Valentine's Day because it would be romantic-well, I thought it would be romantic. Kurt just thought that it was cheezy. I convinced him to come with me anyway.
"What are you going to drink?" Kurt asks me.
"I don't know," I lie, knowing exactly what I'm going to drink. I don't want it to influence Kurt's pick, though.
I'm trying to really know his true self throughout this whole night-what he wants to drink, what he wants to eat, how he interacts with me in public, etc. We've been pretty touchy with each other. Although we've only been dating for two weeks, we're really comfortable with each other.
We've hugged and kissed and some other things...but we haven't had sex yet. I don't think I'm ready to get that intimate with Kurt yet.
"What are your political views?" I randomly ask Kurt. I haven't heard his opinions yet and I want to know.
He drops the menu and smiles at me, softly chuckling. "What in the world made you want to ask that?"
"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders. "I just want to know."
"Well, I'm a very hard feminist and I am all for women's rights. I think women get treated terribly and they all get shit on. I fucking hate it; it's disgusting."
"So you're pro-choice, too?"
"Oh yeah. One-hundred percent. And I don't believe that anyone should be racist to anyone. It's fucking disgusting."
He's more left than right. I am glad that he felt comfortable enough to share his opinions with me.
"What are yours?" He asks.
"I don't really have any," I reply. "I don't know enough to form an opinion."
"What do you mean?"
Our waiter walks up to us. "Hi! My name is Jeffrey and I'm going to be your server for today. What can I get you guys started to drink with?"
I look at Kurt and he signals for me to talk first. "Can I just get a Sprite please?"
"Of course," He turns his body towards Kurt. "What can I get you to drink?"
"Can I get a Sprite, too?" Kurt asks.
"Of course. Are we ready to order our food?"
"Just a couple more minutes please."
"Alright, I'll be right back with the drinks," Jeffrey walks away and I open up the menu to look at my options for dinner. I look over at the prices and make sure that I find something cheaper for Kurt.
I'm obviously not going to be buying dinner; Kurt wouldn't let me. I didn't fight back that much, because I knew that I wasn't going to be getting anywhere with him when it came to the argument.
"I'm going to get a grilled cheese," I tell Kurt.
"I'm going to get a burger," He sets his menu down.
Coincidentally, the waiter comes back with our drinks at the same time we're ready to order. He writes down our food choices and takes our menus away.
I take a sip of the Sprite and continue where I left off. "I'm twenty years old. I'm not educated enough on politics. I wasn't exposed to any of that when I was younger-my father never talked to me about politics, so I'm uneducated. I obviously have some opinions, but I guess you can say that I'm more in the middle."
He nods his head, acknowledging what I just said. "Well, I think that's very smart. There's some ignorant people out there that don't think that way and just think that they know everything."
"People think that they know everything that they're passionate about," I state. I've thought about this so much and I love to talk about it. "I mean, think about it. You're passionate about feminism and you think that you know everything about it. If you were to argue with someone about it, you would be able to fight back no matter what."
"Yeah, I see what you're saying, but I don't know everything about guitar."
I chuckle softly. "Well, I sure hope not!"
He furrows his eyebrows. "You know, you're really beautiful."
I blush and gasp at the same time he says this. No one's every randomly said that I am beautiful before. I mean, Ethan used to tell me, but that was when I dressed up a little or did something out of the ordinary. I'm looking like how I normally do and Kurt still thinks I'm beautiful.
"Thank you," I can't stop smiling.
He chuckles. "It's hot in here."
"So, you guys are leaving to go to Canada next month?" I ask. I haven't brought this up to Kurt yet-or the fact that Krist invited me to go with him. I want to know if Kurt wants me to go with him or not.
"Yeah," He replies. "It's really short, though. It's only for a couple of days."
"Oh," I bob my head up and down softly, waiting for him to comment on how he wants me to go with him. "Well, you're going to be leaving then, right?"
"Canada isn't here, is it?"
I furrow my eyebrows. Kurt has a very sarcastic sense of humor. Most of the time I can tolerate it, but other times, I can't.
I decide to speak up my intentions because I know that Kurt won't be doing what I want him to. "Krist asked me to go with you guys to Canada a while ago."
"I know," He takes a sip of his drink.
"Well, what do you think about that?"
"Are you going to be going with?"
"I don't know," I reply, throwing my hands up into the air.
He chuckles.
The waiter brings our food and I immediately dip my grilled cheese into the tomato soup.
I've always liked grilled cheese. Whenever I was home alone in New York, I would make grilled cheese. My father taught me how to make it when I was eleven and he would always ask me to make it for him.
"What should we do after this?" Kurt asks me.
I shrug my shoulders. "We can fuck in the alley."
His eyes light up. "Let's do it now."
I smile softly at him and turn my head away to look at the door. There's people walking through it and just minding their own business.
After my father first hurt me, I would always look at people and wonder if they had something fucked up happen in their lives, but we would never know. I walked around and no one knew that there was something fucked up happening in my life.
I wish that there was a way to tell if people went through that. I would love to help anyone that's gone through that, but I know that I won't be able to because I don't even know how to help myself. I've always relied on Ethan to help me. Ever since we broke up, I've been able to do more things on my own-be more independent.
"You alright?" Kurt puts his hand on mine which is resting on the table.
I face forward in my seat, no longer looking behind me. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking."
He looks concerned. "Are you alright?"
"I'm perfect," I take another bite of my grilled cheese. "So, you know about my fucked up childhood. What was yours like?"
He rolls his eyes. "We shouldn't get into that now."
"Why not?"
"Because," He takes his hand off of mine and slouches down in his seat. "It's a lot to get into."
I notice that he just doesn't want to talk about it. "Alright. Let's talk about something else then. When's the first time you did drugs?"
He chortles. "Kaitlyn, I'd rather not talk about depressing things."
"What a surprise," I taunt him. "Actually, I need to go to the bathroom."
He points behind him. "They're over there."
"I'll be right back."
-----------------------------------
"I don't think he's angry about it," Kurt tells me as we lay down on the roof of his car. "I just don't think he's too fond of it. He's really protective over you, Kaitlyn. I don't think you realize that."
"I mean, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around something like that, you know? I mean, he's just family. I've never had family care for me like that before-at least that I can remember. There's only a couple memories that I have of my father that are good." I'm ranting and I need to stop. "How do you know that he's really protective?"
"The talk we had the day I asked you out. He told me that I can't use you or hurt you. He said, 'I don't care how good of friends we are. I will fuck you up if you hurt her.' Which, I know he will. But what you don't know is that he talked to me again."
Oh dear God. "That same day?"
"Yeah, later that night. He goes, 'Why do you want to date Kaitlyn?'"
I sit up and lay down on my stomach so that I can look at Kurt. He's laying down on his back with his hands underneath his head. "What did you say?"
"The generic and stereotypical answer."
I roll my eyes. "Kurt, I want to know."
"Then ask me."
"Kurt, why do you want to date Kaitlyn?"
"Well, she's very smart. She probably doesn't know it, but she's smart. And, um, she is different. She's a people-pleaser and she isn't a bitch. When I first met her, God, I just remember being upset because she was with her ex-boyfriend at the time and I wanted to be her boyfriend. But, that's besides the point. She's beautiful. She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And she's humble, too. She won't admit it, but she knows that she's beautiful. She has scars on her body that show that she's been through hell, but she's still with us. She's strong. She's mine."
I stare at him in awe. I don't even know how to feel after that. He just knows what to say and how to say it correctly. It always gives me butterflies and makes me feel special.
He doesn't know what he does to me. He doesn't know that he drives me insane-but in a good way. He doesn't know that I'm literally the luckiest human on the planet by dating him. He's been waiting for me since Ethan and I were dating.
God, he's special.
I climb on top of his stomach and kiss him softly. His hands roam in my hair as I make myself comfortable.
We start to breath heavily as his hands go down to my ass and he squeezes it. I ring my fingers through his hair and continue to kiss him as it deepens.
He slides his hands into the pockets of my jeans and just rests them there. We continue like that for the next five minutes. I pull away from him and as we both sit up, I forget that his hands are in my pockets, so I end up pulling away too fast, causing him to lose his balance.
As I'm about to fall, he puts his arm out and grabs me by my jacket. I cling onto him and chuckle softly as I realize what just happened.
"Dear God, Kurt," I stare at him and chuckle softly. "You're going to be the death of me."