July 2015
**YOUR POV**
I caught up with Gemma and spent some time with Anne and Robin outside in the sunny backyard, feeling so relaxed the first time in ages. I enjoyed the time with my favorite people so much. The sun was shining bright and it was so warm, but not too warm. Just the perfect temperature for a beautiful summer afternoon. Robin sat at the desk outside, reading his newspaper while Anne read one of her books, sitting on a bench. Gemma fell asleep a while ago, lying on one of the lounge chairs.
I sat in the grass of the backyard, enjoying the sun while playing with Dusty, one of Anne's cats.
I couldn't help but glance at Harry now and then, lying in the grass on the other side of the backyard, asleep. He deserved the sleep after four hours of driving non stop. With his sunglasses on and his long legs crossed, he really did look cute, very cute and so handsome. I watched his chest slowly rising up and down, his steady breathing somehow feeling so calm.
I quickly looked away when he moved and started stretching himself before he fully woke up.
„Did you sleep well?" I asked with a giggle when I saw how confused he looked after he sat up.
„Was a good nap, can't complain." He let out a laugh and got up to approach me. „Wanna go for a walk through town? Like we always used to?"
I looked at him a few moments, his eyes boring into mine. „Ye- yes, sure." I eventually managed to say.
He stretched his arm out for me so I could take his hand and before I even knew it, he pulled me up from the ground and we walked through the house, out the front door and along the sidewalk.
I noticed lots of people already staring at us, knowing exactly who we were. People around here knew us since we were little children and they loved it whenever we came back home to visit, but this time it was different. Harry came alone back here for the last two years and they knew I was gone, so seeing us both back here again was something pretty special for them.
„They all missed you too." Harry smiled at me, noticing me looking around.
„To be honest, I missed them too. I love that they care and I missed the small town talk. It was always so entertaining and fun." I laughed a little.
„It still is fun." Harry said with a smile. „So, what do you think?" He asked when we approached the little park as we walked along the fields, towards the small pond Harry and I would always go to and have a picnic or to just spend our time there. „Does it still feel like home?"
„It surely does." I nodded. „Everything looks the same and I feel so safe here. I didn't feel like this in so long...almost forgot how it feels. It's somehow weird to be back, because it doesn't really feel like I was gone."
„Maybe it's good that you feel that way. It would be harder for you coming back and everything would be different. It wouldn't feel like home then."
„Yeah, that's true." I smiled at him, getting lost in his eyes for a bit too long. „You know, I forgot how calm it was out here, away of the busy and noisy streets. Everywhere fields and nature. That's one of the things I missed the most."
„You always say that when we get here." He chuckled, smiling when we reached the place and both automatically sat down into the green grass, taking in the atmosphere around us. I bend my knees, sitting down on my side, resting all my weight on my right arm. Harry placed himself in front of me, stretching his legs out and crossing them.
„Oh, really?"
„Yeah. That's what I missed about coming home." He admitted, looking down before looking forward again. „I felt lonely without you here, a part of me was missing."
Oh how I wished everything could be like it was before I got diagnosed again. I wanted the life with him I had before, not this thing where we don't know how to feel around each other. I hated this in between thing, it was so complicated and confusing.
„I felt the same to be honest. I got kind of used to being alone, but I...I was still missing half of me." I admitted, not controlling my words. I didn't know why but I just let it out. Would he get it? Would he understand what I meant?
„Are you still missing it? Your other half?"
I looked him in the eyes, nodding slowly. „I am." I said quietly. „Are you?"
He looked away at some bird that sat on a tree, scrunching his nose and nodded. „I am too."
„I guess we both didn't change a bit after all." I said with a little laugh filled with a bit of sadness.
„I guess not, no..." He looked at me again, changing his position so he would sit closer to me, so close that my heart almost skipped a beat. „I hate that feeling..." He whispered. „...missing half of me when my other half is right there...so close, yet so far away.
He got a little bit closer again, his face so close to mine, I saw directly through his gorgeous eyes. Eyes almost as green as the grass around us.
„It's odd, isn't it?" I whispered back.
Before we knew it, we slowly leaned in, his hand was suddenly on my cheek, giving me goosebumps all over my body and our lips crashed together for the first time again. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment, his soft, warm lips against mine. It felt the way it always did, like we didn't do anything else, like we were never not a couple.
I wanted this so bad, but why did it suddenly feel so wrong? Like I was using him...
It felt right, but somehow so wrong and I knew he felt it too.
He knew it didn't feel right...we both did.
We pulled away, looking at each other again. His expression hurt me. His green eyes were filled with sadness again, regret and disappointment.
„Why can't everything be like it was before..." He whispered against my lips.
„Because sometimes there's a reason why our other half is so far away..." I whispered back. „We needed to know for sure and this was the answer...it didn't feel right, did it?"
He shook his head no. „No, it didn't. I just don't get why..."
„Because too much happened since I left...to much shit happened, too much emotions happened and besides...I don't know if I could do this...us. I'm sorry."
He nodded slowly. „No, it's okay...I should have known."
„I just don't know what to feel right now or if I even feel something. I know it hurts, but I wanna be honest with you, because you're still so important to me and you always will be." I explained. „And I don't wanna hurt you any more, Harry."
„I get it, I do." He faked a smile. „So we're not meant to be?" He asked shyly, scared of the answer.
It fucking hurt saying this to him now, but it was only for the best. „No...I don't think so. I'm so sorry, Harry."
„No, it's fine. It's not your fault. Like you said, too much happened since you left." He faked a smile again and I hated this. I hated to hurt him. I didn't know what else to do than to lean forward and hug him tightly. He needed it, more than I did and I didn't want things to be even more weird between us.
„This doesn't mean we're not close anymore. We have a special bond and nobody can take that away from us. It doesn't have to be complicated, we're a family...right?" I hugged him so tight that I would give him the feeling of safeness like he always gave me.
„We're a family, yes." He said, his smile a bit more real now.
„Come on, let's forget this even happened and let's enjoy our time here and remember the beautiful things." I suggested, lying down into the grass, looking up at the sky, gesturing for Harry to do the same.
He nodded, following my lead and laid down beside me.
I continued talking, remembering the good times. „I remember us coming here late at night to watch the stars, forgetting about time, staying here 'til the A.M., just talking and talking. Our favorite conversations happened in the A.M. and I always felt like these moments could be forever and never end. I didn't wanna sleep because this already felt like a dream, a beautiful one. Remember how we used to kick around just wasting time?" I asked him.
He smiled. „I do. These were the best times ever. We were so free, didn't have to think of any of our problems and could just enjoy life... You know, I'm always going back to this place..." He turned his head to the side to smile at me.
„I would too. It's a special place." I turned to look at him and smiled back.
And just like that, Harry and I stayed there ‚til the A.M., talking out of our asses and watching the stars above us, forgetting about time.
Just like the good, old times.