June 2015
**YOUR POV**
„What a performance!" James clapped, coming over to me and took my hand, leading me down the stage and over to the couch. „Hey Y/n, it's so good to finally see you again, how have you been?" He asked me before I even sat down on the couch and gave me a hug.
„I've been good, thank you. It's good to see you too, James." I smiled at him and sat down on the comfortable couch.
He sat down behind his desk, ready to start asking the questions he had prepared on his little cards.
„Wow, this performance was something else, Y/n. You made half the crowd tear up, including me."
„I was surprised myself, actually. I didn't think the song would move some people, it sounds so different live." I told him.
„You did a good job, hitting our feelings." He laughed a little. „So, you released your new album ,Believe' around one day ago out of literal nowhere."
„Right, I did." I nodded. „I wanted to make a little surprise drop and I think it really was a surprise for a lot of people."
„It definitely was! And everyone is already streaming it and fighting for getting a CD or a vinyl."
„Oh really?" I let out a laugh. „I just want to make people happy and hope they like it whenever I release an album."
„Well, you did it then." He smiled. „But let's talk about your performance at the Brits a few days ago. You sang one of your new songs, Fight Song. It's obviously a very emotional and powerful song and you showed that to us when we saw some tears in your eyes at the end of the performance. How was it for you to sing such an emotional song, since your last album was very different from this one?"
There they started, the questions I was so terrified of and that was still an easy one.
„I was nervous to perform that specific song, more than ever, because of the meaning and the story behind it. The song means a lot to me, more than I thought it would and it was the right decision to put it on the album though. I'm happy with it." I explained.
„You were great, even though you were nervous, but let's look more into that song of yours." He said, looking at his card and starting to read off the lyrics. „This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on, starting right now I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song and I don't really care if nobody else believes ,cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." He read out loud. „What's the song about Y/n?"
I could do this, I could answer this. „The song is, as you said, powerful and also emotional, but I think everyone can kind of figure out or think of their own idea of what it's about. Obviously, it's about fighting, but people fight for different kind of reasons. Maybe they fight for freedom, love, happiness or...life. So the song is kind of for everyone who's struggling or fighting for something." I told him, actually feeling good about my answer.
„Did you also struggle or had to fight for something?" James then asked.
I hesitated for a minute before I spoke again. „Yes, I have, that's why I wrote Fight Song. Well...I wrote it a long, long time ago, but yeah, I have struggled and I have fought."
„You don't have to answer if this is too personal, but did you have to fight for love, like you said? Did you have to fight for your former boyfriend Harry Styles? I mean, you were THE couple everyone dreamed to be and nobody would have expected for you two to split up." James was smiling, but I knew he was still serious about it, because as our friend, he wanted to know what happened. He had no idea, Harry and I never told him a thing.
„No, I didn't have to fight for Harry. We may not be together anymore, but because of other reasons. We're good friends, but nothing more." I told James, but soon realized maybe it was the wrong thing to say.
Did I hurt Harry by saying that? Or did I hurt myself with it? I was right though, we were just friends, nothing more.
„Did you hear that, guys? They're just friends, so there's a single lady out there." He joked, looking at me, smiling and the audience cheered.
I laughed at that.
„So, let's talk about you being back after two years of disappearing all out of a sudden. You were suddenly gone, what happened?"
There it was, the question I knew would come up at some point. What was I gonna say? I had an answer in mind, but I was not so sure anymore if that was what I wanted to say and tell the people. Did I want to keep this a secret?
I thought of it for a second, looking down at my hands that I rubbed over my thighs.
„Honestly...okay, what I'm about to say is really hard for me." I started. „There's something, that nobody knows besides my family and that's a part of my story." Wow, I was actually gonna do this... „Two years before I went to the X-Factor, when I was 14 years old, I got diagnosed with cancer." I paused, fuck it, I wanted to tell them everything. I heard some gasps coming from the audience and also from James, but he didn't interrupt.
„Long story short, it was bad, really bad and it was hard, but with a lot of support and love from my dear family, I somehow made it and beat it... So, two years ago, in 2013, after I finished touring with One Direction, I found out it was back..." My voice started trembling and my eyes started watering, so I had to finish this. „The cancer was back and it was very bad again...so I decided to disappear, because it was just...the best. I didn't know if I'd make it, but I did, so I came back...and here I am." A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. „So...that's what Fight Song is really about." I said silently.
The crowd stayed silent, but soon started applauding. I looked at the people as they got up from their seats, eyes full of tears and just clapped, making me smile a little bit.
It was out and there was no turning back now. I told the world, they knew and I couldn't change that anymore...it was out. I thought of Harry who was probably watching backstage with the boys. They knew know, the boys knew, Taylor knew in case she was watching and if Anne, Gemma and Robin watched, they knew too...
Everyone did and I was still not sure if I should have been happy that it was out or devastated, that I couldn't hold it in and keep it to myself.