June 2015
**YOUR POV**
I needed to go to Manchester with Harry. I had to go and meet them again, I also owed it to them not only to Harry. They were my family and I missed them so much. I wanted to see them again, to hug them, to hug Anne and feel her comfort, I want her to tell me that everything would be okay, like she always did. I needed her, I needed my sister and Robin. They were always there for me and did everything to make me feel happy and safe, I owed them big time. I eventually had to face the situation and now it was time. Harry's offer to go with him was my chance to show them my love for them and how much I cared about them even though they may thought I wouldn't anymore.
Only now, everything started to really sink in. It had been two years, two long years, but still everything went by so fast and only now, I realized I was diagnosed with cancer again, I went through the whole fucking procedures again... Chemo and surgeries, hell, I didn't even know if I was still able to have babies after this...
I left my family, my boyfriend I loved more than anything else and I almost...I almost died without being surrounded by my loved ones. Now I was here, I was back, having to face all the people I thought would grieve over me very soon. Weird to think that...
Fuck and this feeling I got every time I saw Harry again. I should have known this would happen, I should have thought this through better.
As we sat there on the couch, all I could think about when I looked at his precious face, were our memories we shared together. From school to the day we got accepted at the X-Factor and so on. He was my Harry, my Haz and I lost him.
When I looked at him, his eyes, I saw pain. I felt his pain even though it was impossible for me to feel what he must have felt and to know that I was the reason that caused him so much pain was heartbreaking.
He was always a strong guy, rarely showing emotions around other people. Only when he was around me, he would tell me everything that caused him sadness or pain or anything else.
The thing that hurt me most, was to see the emptiness in his shiny eyes. That was something that really hit me right in my heart.
I knew now, that he understood why I left without saying anything, but that didn't fix the fact, that I caused him pain for over two years and now that I was back, I still caused him this pain. We both suffered a lot, each of us differently though.
The ringing of my phone almost gave me a heart attack and I noticed I still stood in front of my closed front door in the hallway. Still wearing my clothes from the night and with hurting feet caused by my high heels I wore the whole night, I walked towards the living room to grab my phone that was somewhere behind the cushions of the couch.
I looked at the screen. „Mason." I gasped, almost forgetting about what happened tonight. I still had to face him and talk to him. He was most likely still furious about the situation tonight and how Harry made him leave and I was scared of what he was gonna say now.
„Mason?" I shyly answered the call, ready to get screamed at.
„Y/n! I have some news for you." His calm voice surprised me and I let out a deep breath. It was weird he didn't mention a word of the night, but it was good for me, causing less stress for me so I let it go.
„Again, news?" I asked, frowning.
„Yes, pack a suitcase because you're invited to the Late Late show in LA on Thursday."
„This Thursday?" I asked, since it was this weekend Harry would go to Manchester with me. Fortunately, we would go on Saturday, but with the time zones and the long flights in between, it wasn't the easiest, especially now, that I got tired pretty quickly.
Anyways, it was going to be fine, it had to.
„Yes, and guess what, James invited not only you, but also One Direction." He told me.
I hold my breath for a second. I should have known it. Of course they invited all of us to do an interview. My coming back and the fact that Harry and I were a couple, was the perfect opportunity for talk shows to make good content and the Late Late show was probably the first one to offer an invitation, because I knew for a fact, that a lot of shows were trying to get to interview me. At least my first talk show back was with James. James was a lovely guy, he cared a lot. Harry and I knew him for years. We did a lot of interviews together and since I was with Harry at that time, James became a good friend of ours.
Still, he also didn't know why I left and I was afraid, no, I knew this was gonna be the topic during that interview, so I had to prepare for the worst.
„Oh, they're there too?" I asked after a while.
„Yes, but you don't have an interview together." He calmed me down a little bit with this sentence. „They go first to promote their new album, I guess and then it's your turn to promote ,Believe' since tomorrow is its release date and after that you will perform a song of the album and then after your performance, they will sing one of their songs."
„Okay, sounds good. What song do I need to perform?" I asked, sighing silently.
„This time, I'm gonna let you chose. Is that okay?"
His sudden kindness freaked me out somehow. It was not like him, not at all.
„Yeah, it's okay." I answered, letting myself fall down on my soft couch.
„Good, so which song do you want to perform?"
I thought for a minute and after a while, I knew with which song I wanted to express my feelings and show once again how I felt. „I'd like to perform ‚Human'." I told him.
„Wow, ,Human'...it's a pretty big song, are you sure you can handle it?"
„I'm sure I can." I assured him.
„Alright then. A driver is gonna come and pick you up tomorrow in the afternoon. He will drive you to the airport where I will meet you."
„I'll be ready. See you tomorrow." I hung up the phone, my arm falling down on my stomach together with my phone.
I was extremely tired and had to pack again now. I thought I would get some time to spend in the UK, but turns out I just had like two days in London to go back to LA and then back to London again.
Well, that was my life. What was I gonna do about it? Nothing.
I forced myself up to get off the couch and went upstairs to my bedroom. First, I finally changed into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. I decided to take a shower tomorrow in the morning because I didn't have the strength to take one now.
I quickly opened my closet and packed everything I would need for a few days. It got easier to know what to take with you after a few years of touring and flying back and forth, so I was pretty quick and finished packing.
The most important thing, I almost forgot to pack into my purse, was my medication I needed. Fortunately, I saw the big box of pills, even though I hated to see it every time I entered my room, reminding me of everything over and over again.