Warning: Mental health and suicide attempt
Y/n POV:
I honestly don't know how I got here. If anyone was to take a look at my life they would think that I had it made. But the truth is I feel like everything is going wrong. I feel like I keep failing.
Let me explain.
I live what people around here call the "kook life". My parents have money and we live on the "good" side of town. Everyone thinks that living this life is cupcake and rainbows, and for some it is. But not me.
My parents may have money, but they are never around. They are always traveling for business and when they do stay in town for more than two days, all they do is tell me everything I am doing wrong.
I have the wrong friends. My grades aren't good enough. I've gained too much weight. Or I've lost too much weight. I need to be more involved in the club. The list goes on and on. They never stop.
Not only do my parents like to nag at me about my choices, so does everyone else on this side of the island. Especially Rafe Cameron.
I think he feels like it is his personal job to make my life a living hell. Sometimes I wish that someone would just hit him with a bus. Maybe then he would leave me alone.
Then there's my friends.
I have known Kiara for most of my life. She is like me a "kook", but neither of us ever accepted that title. We grew up trying to save the environment and just live as equals with everyone on the island. That's how we met the boys.
John B and Pope have always felt like brothers to me. We mess around and play pranks on each other. They pretend like I am their annoying little sister, but at the end of the day they always have my back.
Then there's JJ. For so long he was just my best friend. The guy that I could always count on no matter what. And that friendship turned into something much deeper. He is the love of my life.
Everything was going so well with them. I thought that I was finally getting to a point where I was just happy. Then things started to change.
Over the past few weeks I have felt like they want me around less and less. Plus they started to hang around with Sarah Cameron. The one person on the island that I hated the most.
Sarah had always made it a point to tell me the things that I should be doing. The way I should be dressing. Who I should be dating. The girl had a comment about everything.
I could handle all of that but after what she did to Kiara. I was so done with the "kook princess".
I tried to keep my cool and just brush it off. But it was getting to the point where I hadn't hung out with any of them in days.
I tried to call and make plans with Kiara, but she said she was working. I tried Pope, busy. John B, didn't answer. Lastly I tried JJ, thinking that he would at least want to see me, but no he said that he was in the middle of something.
I tried so hard not to be upset and let my mind wander as it normally does, but I couldn't help it. Why didn't they want to see me? Was I not good enough for them anymore? Did I do something?
My mind kept going and I knew the only way to calm it down was to go for a walk down the beach. So that's what I did.
I made my way down to the water. It always seemed to keep me grounded. I walked for what seemed like forever and honestly started to feel a little better.
That's when I saw it.
John B, Pope, Kiara, Sarah, even JJ. They were all sitting on the beach surf boards in hand. They were laughing and seemed to be having a great time. Without me.
I felt my heart stop for a second, then quickly turned around so that they wouldn't see me and started running. I didn't know where I was going but I really didn't care. I just needed to get away from here.
JJ POV:
I made my way down to the rest of my friends, we were all planning on surfing. I saw them all sitting in a circle. Pope, Kiara, John B, and Sarah who I was not too keen on knowing how my girlfriend felt about her. But she was making John B happy, so I was trying to get over it.
I looked around the group again and realized that y/n wasn't here. I was confused because I thought that Kiara said that she was going to tell her.
"Hey Kie, where's Y/n?" I questioned when I got down there.
"I don't know, I thought you were going to tell her" She shrugged
"No I thought I told you to tell her" I said mentally face palming. I have been so busy this week trying to make some extra money so I could get her a present for our one year.
"Damn JJ you really have been working yourself to death if you forgot to text your girlfriend" John B said laughing. "You are so whipped for her I am shocked"
I scoffed at him. He was right. I am so desperately in love with y/n I don't think words cover it.
I pulled out my phone to call her and tell her I was sorry and she should come down, but the phone went straight to voicemail. That was weird, she always answers my calls.
Maybe she was sleeping, I thought. I was snapped back to reality when I heard my friends yelling for me to get in the water. So I put my phone down and grabbed my board. I was a little worried but I figured I would try to call her again in a little.
Y/n POV:
I ran until I couldn't run anymore. Unfortunately I had ended up at the chateau. It wasn't really a shock that my legs took me here. I have run here so many times in the past it's like second nature.
At least no one was home.
I walked inside and sat on the couch and suddenly tears just started to flow down my face. It was like a waterfall; they just won't stop.
Then the little voice in the back of my head started to get louder and louder.
Just end it. No one wants you here. Your parents think you're a disappointment. Your friends don't want you around. And you boyfriend well he is probably just using you. Do it. Do it.
The words just kept replaying in my mind. They were finally too much. I just decided that it would be better if I wasn't here.
Before I could do that though, I needed to hear JJ's voice one last time. He is truly the person I love most in this world.
I pulled out my phone and realized I had a missed call from him. It gave me a sliver of hope, as I called him back. But I just got his voicemail. My hope faded.
JJ's POV:
I got out of the water after getting a few good waves. I made my way over to Sarah and Pope who were waiting for us. I picked up my phone and saw that I had a voicemail from y/n.
I clicked play and put it up to my ear.
Hey Jay. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you so much that it kills me to see you happy without me. I want you to live the best life that you can. I just don't think I can be in it. Tell the rest of the group that they will always be my family. But I have to go. Goodbye JJ.
I could hear the tears in her message. I looked at Pope and Sarah, tears now streaming down my face. What was she planning on doing. I can't lose her.
"JJ man you alright?" Pope asked. I stood there still in shock. He got up and came closer to me.
"JJ bro what's going on?"
I managed to look up and just played the voicemail again.
Now John B and Kiara had joined back in the group. We all listened to my sweet y/n's voice.
Once the message ended I could hear them all freaking out. I was still standing there paralzyed, until finally I heard Pope go " I says she's at the chateau lets go"
Y/n POV:
I had spent that last twenty minutes trying to talk myself out of doing this. But voices were getting worse and worse. I finally stood up and made my way to the bathroom.
I was looking through the medicine cabinet trying to find something, anything.
Suddenly I heard voices outside. Shit they had found me. I locked the bathroom door and tried desperately to get the cap off the pills. Tears streaming down my face.
I could hear banging on the door, but I was too focused. Then the door swung open.
Someone rushed over to me trying to get the pills from my grasp, but I was holding on for dear life.
They managed to get them out of my hands and I just fell to the ground. Sobbing. I just wanted things to be over, for the pain to go away.
I was then wrapped up in a familiar grasp. JJ's arms had snaked around my body. He just held me and rocked me back and forth trying to calm me down.
He was whispering "it's okay baby" into my ear.
After a while I could feel my crys lessen and my body untense. I just fell into JJ's chest and listened to his heart beat.
"I'm sorry" I let out a small sob. "I just wanted to stop feeling like I don't matter"
I think I shocked JJ because he looked down at me with a confused look.
"What are you talking about, baby? You matter SO much" he kissed my head. "You matter to your parents. You matter to Kiara, and Pope, and John B. And you matter so much to me. I love you so much, I can't live without you"
I was now the one that was shocked. I sat up so I was looking at him better and saw his red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He really meant what he was saying.
"But these past few weeks, we.. .we just never hang out anymore. I felt invisible, replaceable."
He just pulled me into another hug and kissed the top of my head. Whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again.
Things were a mess right now, but for some reason I felt like maybe everything was going to get better.
As long as I had JJ I knew I would be okay.
(1863 words)