The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 65-Don't You Know That We Love You

Beyonce POV

Since Jay's nephew funeral I have been doing alot of soul searching. Its already August and in a few more weeks DC3 will finally be over for now. At Jay's family house I got an intervention from his two sisters Andrea(Annie) and Michelle (Mickey). They were all excited about me mentioning that I really loved Jay and immediately they wanted to know wither or not marriage was a possibility.

After dinner, Jay, his brother Eric, TY and his nephews and a few other kids went out for ice cream and had a fun little evening out at the park. I had to admit the way Jay loved his nieces and nephews was assurance he would give our possible children a life full of fun, joy and excitement. But that didn't help much with my decision to push towards marriage.

I loved Jay with everything in me but I wasn't ready to sacrifice a career for a man who had already enjoyed life. There wasn't much things I wanted to do that would put marriage on hold for me though. My career was always top, I didn't want to be a woman with multiple relationships or partners. I was fine with just one. Jay never stopped me from having fun or doing things I wanted because truthfully I wasn't that much of a fun person anyways. It was just fear that took over me.

I was soon 24 and my career was moving at 100 miles per hour. From endorsement, to commericals, award shows, concerts, tours, movies it was all moving so fast and filled with millions of oppurtunities. I didn't want to throw it all away. Along with that both Jay and I parents' past hunted us down like wild goose.

Jay's mother and father separated at such a young age, he was only 9. My parents went through a pending divorce when I was 12. At that time my mother barely monitored my where abouts, my father hardly came around and that led me to find comfort in God and a boy. Never in my life would I want my children to suffer what Jay and I went through and to avoid that I knew we would have to fight 100 times harder.

Beside my fear of us separating, I didn't want to end up mentally or emotionally ill. At this point in my life I would fight anyone for Jay. With every kiss, every conversation, every night we spent fucking he was imprinting on me. My fear of giving up sex until marriage was shattered when I couldn't hold out any longer on Jay and at that moment I knew he had imprinted on my emotions and stamped his name in my heart.

Being so young and loyal to a much older man only made things harder. Jay knew just how to put it on me, he knew what I liked and he made sure he used that powerfully. Marriage and Kids are my only bullets left. If I give him that then he has everything that I could offer to another.

God forbid if things goes wrong and Jay and I separate; I know I would be left deafted in love. Because right now, from where I am standing, I can't see myself with another man, I can't see myself giving up my body to someone else without me comparing everything they do, buy, say, their actions and attitude to Jay.

The sound of the car engine shutting of caused my thoughts to jump away and snapped me back into reality. For the rest of the week I would be in LA working on my movie Dream Girls that is set to end in the middle of September and two LA DC3 concerts. Sliding down from the seat of the SUV I got out and collected my two carry on bags. As my security guard followed behind me with my luaggae I entered into the back door of the hotel and sprinted up the stairs.

Today I had an agenda ahead of me. Before landing I had hit up Kelly and asked for she and I to spend time together. Gleefully, she agreed and I was excited.

After unloading my bags, I dugged through my suitcase for a pair of white shorts. Once I retrieved them I paired it with a white shirt and some sliver and blue thong slippers. Switching over to my white MK hand bag I closed my hotel door and headed towards Kelly's. I would be telling a complete black lie if I said I wasn't excited. With the carnival going on in LA, new fashion released for the summer & new hair trends I knew Kelly and I were going to enjoy ourselves.